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No one ever tells you about this!

post #1 of 53
Thread Starter 
A friend of mine just had her first baby. She was feeling really overwhealmed by some things that people just never tell you about when you are having a baby. I thought I'd start this thread so that we can all share and learn from one another about all the surprising and overwhealming things that happen when you give birth, or bring home a baby. This is in hopes to decrease the anxiety and overwhealming feeling mamas, especially first time mamas, can be slammed into when they enter mother hood.

here are some of my discoveries:

1. Laundry increases 10 fold!
2. The love I felt for my baby was almost paralyzing. I truly did not think I could ever need to leave our bed. Then, I wanted to go out and show her the world!
3. I needed help to get my legs into my underwear and pants for the first week.
4. I panicked if I needed to pee and my peri bottle was out of reach or empty. For the first week anyways.
5. The first postpartum poo, for me not baby, was exceptionally traumatizing. Until I actually realized that it all still worked just fine.
6. TMI ahead...I was no where near ready for intercourse at 6 weeks pp. Physically impossible, but also psychologically I had to get over the fact that my vagina was designed to let someone out. Just as it had been hard to imagine someone coming out of there, it had now become really hard to feel like it was natural to let someone in the out door...tmi
7. Breastfeeding, although I've been doing it now for over 2 years and have never had any complication whatsoever, is hard work. It's like a full work day, every day. You give probably at least 8 hours/day+night, it's just broken up between doing other things.
8. In the year that I was pregnant->postpartum, I really struggled with my wardrobe. I gained 60 pounds in pregnancy and needed maternity clothes, then I was overweight and not pregnant so needed clothes in a bigger size and then I lost all the weight but my proportions were very different from my pre-pregnancy body. So I needed some different clothes again. Not to mention clothes that helped me breastfeed. And just when I got back into a 'normal' clothes routine, I became pregnant again.
9. My dog went into protective overdrive and we needed to put her in dog training because we somehow gave her the impression it was her job to protect the baby, so says the trainer.
10. I was/am so all consumed with love for my baby that I gave up a life long love, my career, to be a sahm. Something I never before understood how someone could be happy to do. Having a baby changed me.


Anyone else want to share?
post #2 of 53
There can be lots of pooping and/or peeing (by mama) during labor & delivery. But it's all ok.
post #3 of 53
Hmmm, I think mamakaikai said all of it for me. I wanted to add that I was seriously traumatized by how much my dd could and would poop in that first month. Breastfed babies have way looser stools and every diaper is a poopy diaper. But sometimes she seemed to just poop and poop and poop and . . . it was occasionally a real mess. She would even projectile poop and got me in the face once. I did take her to the ped as I was totally certain that this could not ever in a million years be normal, but he assured me that it really was.
post #4 of 53
With my first, I was not prepared for all the pp bleeding. Granted not everyone bleeds for the same amount of time but that was a long 7 weeks for me and my area was chapped from pads... I will be using cloth this time around!
post #5 of 53
Afterpains (only a problem after 2nd or later babies) are worse than labor. And there IS no epidural for those.
post #6 of 53
I was surprised by how much blood there was. I remember getting up after my son was born and being helped to the bathroom and when I turned to look at my bed it was covered in bloood and I was like, Oh my. I was also surprised about how much bleeding there was post partum. But oh, my biggest surprise after I had my first was how pregnant you still look ! And it was all mushy and I was just like, oh my god!!!!!!
post #7 of 53
It's not as bad as everybody tells you it's going to be --> mostly for the labor/birth but also for everything else. Our bodies are made to do this and if we trust them, they will not let us down!

Don't let anybody tell you the baby needs to be on a feeding schedule--that is the biggest hogwash I bought as a first time mom, and I think it really had a negative long-term effect on her self-feeding instincts.

Do not plan on sleeping through the night for the next year. Sorry! Maybe your baby will settle down at a few months of age and give you a good night's rest, but do not count on it or you will most likely be let down. That way if you do sleep, count yourself lucky, but just prepare yourself for a reality of broken sleep for at least a year.

You will be THIRSTY!! Drink drink drink drink.

Hmmm, that's all I can think of right now.

Great idea for a thread!
post #8 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by nudnik View Post
Afterpains (only a problem after 2nd or later babies) are worse than labor. And there IS no epidural for those.
soz ddcc but i have to agree with this statement omg, i did get after pains with my 1st but they were just like strong period pains but with my 2nd they were like labour only worse and 3rd and 4th made the labour seem like nothing i had to breathe through and even made jokingly said my mw "can i go to the hospital and have that epidural now"

sorry hope i haven't scared anyone.
post #9 of 53
No one told me that I would bleed after a c/section.

I bled as much as I did with a natural delivery and felt super upset no one warned me.
post #10 of 53
baby girls have a little bit of blood/menstruation come out of their yonis sometimes. totally normal, but so strange!
post #11 of 53
also, newborns genitals are very swollen after birth. I had to double check that my DD2 was indeed a girl!
post #12 of 53
Baby boys can have terracotta colored urine crystals in their urine for the first day or so.
You will sweat like a racehorse for the first few nights after birth.
post #13 of 53
oh yes the sweat!! awful!
and yes, the afterpains.. I did get warned this time (4th) that they'd be "wicked" and it was the perfect word to describe them.

I wish someone warned me about the feeling like you will explode (literally) as the baby's head comes out, even if only for a second.
post #14 of 53
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post #15 of 53
Ok I might be the odd one out but when they first handed me my son, I was so excited but I didn't feel that immediate bond or intense love a lot of people talk about. I suffered PPD too and there was really no help offered to me- talk to someone about it if it happens and don't be afraid to say anything.

My DS had GERD and I WORE puke 90% of the day.

The new burp clothes called burp catchers may sound gross but apparently I wasn't the only one with that problem since it was invented.

I had exactly 6-7 minutes to put him in the bouncer so I could take a quick shower (start to finish including getting dressed) before he would cry- that is all the "me" time I got for the first few months.

Don't think a healthy baby won't wake up to eat.

Your breasts will leak and leak and leak... and I felt like a cow and slave to my home

I was not afraid to lay him on his tummy

Don't be afraid to keep it loud in the house. Talk at normal levels, let the phone ring, have a radio or something on- I think it prepared DS to sleep through doorbells, dogs barking and lawnmowers.

People don't care if the baby is only 6 weeks old, they will come up and touch him in the store- be prepared to guard them!

You learn to do everything with one hand because the other is always holding the baby (mine HATED the sling).

DS would scream louder and louder the faster the swing went- all the baby gadgets don't work for every baby.

You will get peed and pooped on many times


Now, that being said, I LOVE my son and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I'd also do it all over in a heartbeat. Thinking back, I laugh at what happened to us when he was a newborn and it is comical now. Back then, I was not amused. Try to enjoy every second you get with them because it goes SO fast.
post #16 of 53
Can someone say more about these afterpains? Like when after? During placenta delivery? Or later? Why?
post #17 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by emilyash View Post
Can someone say more about these afterpains? Like when after? During placenta delivery? Or later? Why?
starts after birth and can last anywhere from hours to days after delivery. Usually during breastfeeding. I am not sure why it happens. And I was warned before having my 2nd but I did not have a problem with it, I think the mass quantities of RRL tea helped a lot with this
post #18 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by PapayaMom View Post
starts after birth and can last anywhere from hours to days after delivery. Usually during breastfeeding. I am not sure why it happens. And I was warned before having my 2nd but I did not have a problem with it, I think the mass quantities of RRL tea helped a lot with this
I was told in my childbirth class that it is your body clamping your uterus back down to size. The reason it is worse with your second, third, etc.... is that since it is more stretched out with each subsequent pregnancy your uterus has to clamp down harder to shrink back to where it needs to be.
post #19 of 53
breastfeeding does not always "just happen" or seem "completely natural". My whole life people told me this, but it wasn't that way for me. My ds had many structural problems with his mouth that caused him to have a bad latch. No one figured this out until he was two years old. Everyone just told me I must have low supply.

Research like crazy and learn as much about breastfeeding as possible before your baby arrives! I just assumed it would all work on its own, and when it didn't, I was devastated. Tap into every resource available in your community! I was embarrassed and felt inadequate, so I didn't seek help from many people who could have made a big difference.
post #20 of 53
I didn't get after pains with either of my births. Not everyone gets em.

Another thing I wanted to say is be prepared for the baby to want to "be on you" () for at least 6 months. I know I thought, attachment parenting is a great way to bring up my baby, but the baby wants it from the beginning. When they are little you can put them down more, I think (without crying, because they *sleep all the time*) than when they get a couple months old.

you will be surprised by the feeling of having a lot of time on your hands and really want to do things after the baby is born. Because as I said before, they sleep *all the time*, pretty much. You get less and less and less time to yourself as they get older.
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