is this selfish?

[luckygreen713]

I'm having some issues with my overwhelming desire to have a third child. It's getting really bad lately. DH absolutely doesn't want another child. He feels totally done. He's really involved, and still feels overwhelmed and stressed out sometimes with our 2 dd's, who are 2 and 4 yrs old. I understand where he's coming from, as I feel pretty darn stressed out a lot of the time. But for some reason, I just can't shake the feeling that I'm not done. I want another baby so bad, it makes me feel sick inside to think that I won't be pregnant again, or hold a newborn (of my own) again, and just generally not to parent another child. Dh doesn't get it all. And now both of my girls have been asking me about a baby. They say they want a new baby in our family. I KNOW, they don't really get what exactly that would mean for them, but still, it doesn't make things any easier for me to hear them asking for a new brother or sister.

I understand why dh feel the way he feels. We are not in very good financial shape. Not very good at all! But we have our own house and we have room for a third. We could keep our same car if we got different car seats, so that wouldn't be too much of a big deal. We really wouldn't need very many baby "things", mostly just diapers, and clothes if we had a boy. Most of all though, I feel we are good parents and we have a lot of love to share with another baby. But I told my whole family that I'm going back to nursing school and they are all excited about that and seem to think that's the best move for me. They would flip out if I announced that I was pregnant. They would think it would be selfish, to put my family in to a worse place (financially). They would think it was stupid, immmature, and selfish. Is it selfish? Do I just need to find a way to get past these feelings and be satisfied with the 2 beautiful kids we already have?

[InMediasRes]

I'm in a similar place, except that my DH just doesn't want anymore "right now", but he's sort of postponed it indefinitely. I am desperate for a third baby, and, although things are rough now (though not financially for us), I can't explain it - I just KNOW in my heart of hearts that there's a 3rd baby "out there" for our family. I have always dreamed of myself with three kids.

It's getting really bad. To the point that our sex life is suffering because I just can't stand the thought of DTD while I'm ovulating if DH refuses to make another child with me.

Luckily for me, I think DH may at some point come around to the idea of a third when things are more stable. I wish you peace with whatever happens for your family.

[ledzepplon]

Your kids are still very young, and the amount of constant care and attention they need is overwhelming. You obviously can't bring another baby into the world if s/he wouldn't be "wanted." But your husband's feelings may change with time. I'm sorry.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by luckygreen713

Most of all though, I feel we are good parents and we have a lot of love to share with another baby.

This right here means you aren't being selfish. You have a lot of love to give, and truly want to have another child. It's always hard when there are many practical reasons to wait or be done, but your heart is longing for another.

Do you think if you had a talk with your DP about a possible timeline it might help your situation? Maybe you need to talk to him about how you just don't feel as though you are done having children. He has voiced his opinion and you have listened, but he needs to hear your thoughts. I don't think it's fair that he gets to just say he's done and you should have to suffer.

The urge to have another is strong. It strikes down to the core. I couldn't imagine being in your position with a partner making a flat out "no" and not a "maybe". I think a discussion is really warranted in your situation, and even if you come to the conclusion that it's best not to have any more children, at least your perspective and feelings will be heard.