Has anyone had any luck converting an extremly picky kid to tf?

[Karamom]

My ds 3.5 and only wants to eat crackers and cereal or deserts. He never eats fruits or veggies and rarely eats protein. He does however drink lots of raw milk.

I am extremely worried about his health. He has severe eczema- it's so bad on his legs right now that he limps when he walks from the open sores. (We have been trying for 3 years to find the cause or anything to help!) I can't find any food allergies but I'm sure going tf would improve his health even if not his skin. He is also very skinny and just looks to me unhealthy. I have nightmares about him becoming severely sick or dying and it just tares me up.

We try to live a consensual lifestyle so anytime I try to control his food like tell him he can't have candy I feel guilty and worry that I'm giving him food issues, making it forbidden fruit etc. I don't want this to be a big fight for control. I want him to learn how to eat healthy and enjoy it. I have tried talking to him about healthy choices many many times.

Right now I'm working on getting all the processed food out of the house.I want to make this change for the whole family not just him, but he is the only one with a huge problem with it. He keeps asking for junk food and gets very upset when none of his favorites are available. I just feel so torn between my parenting philosophy of letting him make his own decisions and not forcing and my fear for his health.

My plan is just to only have healthy foods in the house and avoid going anywhere (for now) that will have unhealthy stuff. Eventually will he get hungry enough and eat good food? I know he will be asking about it for a long time and there will probably be a lot of crying and whining.

Sorry this post is sort of everywhere I'm not really sure what I'm looking for except maybe advice from someone who has been in a similar situation. It makes me cry when I see other peoples posts about their kids eating salmon, hummus, yogurt and greens and enjoying it because that is what I want for my child but I can't imagine it ever becoming reality. So has anyone else converted a junk food addicted picky kids into a tf loving healthy kid without forcing. Although I do feel like I am forcing it. AHHHH!!!!

[Llyra]

My advice, the approach I'd take-- stick to it, be consistent, and don't worry too much about "forcing." Sometimes we as parents really do know best. And a steady diet of junk food and addictive processed carbs is going to have lifelong health effects. He's not old enough or informed enough to understand that, and if you make the decision for him, chances are some day he'll thank you for it. So I'd get the junk out of the house and when he asks for it, tell him you don't want him to have it, because it's not healthy for his body, and then offer alternatives. Don't let him have it out in public either. He may cry. He may argue, scream, and throw himself on the floor and go berserk. That's okay. His health is way more important. He may eat very little for awhile. That's okay. Ride it out. Be sympathetic, but unmoved. Sound confident, even when you don't feel confident, so he can trust that you know that you are right. Offer food nonchalantly, as if you don't much care whether he eats it or not, even if you have to leave the room to avoid letting him see that you're worried. He'll eat when his body leads him to, and that's all you need to do to avoid "food issues."

[LauraLoo]

Yes. My dd was extremely picky. If she could have lived on chicken nuggets and french fries, she would have.

But, as the pp said, if you don't have it in your home, then it isn't a possibility.
There's something else to eat instead.

We've been TF for a year, and it's been a slow, but steady progress. Today she saw me eating some liverwurst and asked if she could try it.......

and she liked it!

[MyLittleWarrior]

I was always a picky eater, and I am now a mother to a picky eater. The mantra I try to live by (for meal times at least) is as the parent I decide when and what the kids will eat. As the child, he gets to decide if and how much. Keep offering the healthy choices, and making the junk scarce. Kids will not starve themselves (as long as there arn't underlying developmental issues). Eventually he will get hungry and will eat what is offered. Along those lines I do try to offer something the kids will probably like at each meal, and if I'm making something for my husband and I that I know the kids will find weird or offensive, I'll make a side dish that I know they'll like and can cover their nutritional bases, or offer a peanut butter sandwich or something.

[HollyBearsMom]

Think about it this way...he learned about "junk food" from you. As a parent you control what comes into your house. An occasional lapse at a relatives house, a last ditch run to a fast food place, etc will nor cause long term issues if the household is consistent.

So just get rid of the crap and keep the home full of clean foods that he can eat anytime. Let him decide when and what to eat. Don't beg, cajol, barter. Just Offer regular meals and snacks. Keep good "snacks" at easy reach.

When you are out, at a party, etc don't sweat the small stuff. Don't judge foods with emotion. You can point out what's not healthy (too many dyes, chemicals, etc) but don't make him feel guilt about liking it. Agree it tastes good and explain why and then drop it.

YOU are the greatest influence in your childs life. Eventually you won't be able to control what he eats. He will some day have friends who eat differently, have his own $ to buy what he wants. But today you can give him the building blocks of good nutrition and teach him what good clean food tastes like.

[my_baby_love]

Originally Posted by Llyra

My advice, the approach I'd take-- stick to it, be consistent, and don't worry too much about "forcing." Sometimes we as parents really do know best. And a steady diet of junk food and addictive processed carbs is going to have lifelong health effects. He's not old enough or informed enough to understand that, and if you make the decision for him, chances are some day he'll thank you for it. So I'd get the junk out of the house and when he asks for it, tell him you don't want him to have it, because it's not healthy for his body, and then offer alternatives. Don't let him have it out in public either. He may cry. He may argue, scream, and throw himself on the floor and go berserk. That's okay. His health is way more important. He may eat very little for awhile. That's okay. Ride it out. Be sympathetic, but unmoved. Sound confident, even when you don't feel confident, so he can trust that you know that you are right. Offer food nonchalantly, as if you don't much care whether he eats it or not, even if you have to leave the room to avoid letting him see that you're worried. He'll eat when his body leads him to, and that's all you need to do to avoid "food issues."

That is almost exactly what I was going to write!

Also, my DS would prefer to eat carbs and candy all day long, but he also understands me when I tell him something is or isn't good for his body. He still may fight me, but as a pp said, he just isn't informed enough to make all of his own choices about food. Firm but loving is the way to go. You are the mama and it's part of your job to help him make healthy choices. You aren't forcing him to eat, but you are providing him options that are best for him and he gets to choose from those. He will come around, and probably be much healthier for it!

[ginnybee]

You should be reassured that he drinks whole, raw milk. That's a great start. Like everyone else, I agree that you have to make the junk scarce. He's waaay too young to be able to make healthy choices - delaying gratification I'd just not possible. You must protect your vulnerable child from harm.
My kids are still thrilled to eat treats from a box or package. But we've had victories in our year or sold converting to TF. After months of whining (and just eating the raisins), my four year old claims that oatmeal is his favorite food in the world. I would pour the maple syrup on in a thin, sloow stream while he watched to entice him. Now I can cut back to almost no sweetener. DS also says that white bread (he had some at church) tastes "weird" compared to our homemade sourdough.
Is there a farmer's market you could take your son to, to pick out treats? Here, most booths offer samples. Maybe he could find fruits, snap peas, cheese, etc. I often let my kids pick out one thing (a veggie, fruit, or cheese) to cut down on the gimmes and give them some control. We've brought home some pretty interesting fruits that way. Sounds like you'll need to avoid taking him to the store for a while...
Have things on hand he will eat. My kids' sure-fire healthy snacks are raw cheddar, uncured sausage, most fruits (including dried & frozen), sourdough bread, pancakes, nut butters, carrot sticks and snap peas. Try to have something he likes that doesn't make you cringe and know that it takes time to retrain tastebuds. Give him choices, but ensure that the options are safe. Hang in there!

[ginnybee]

How about smoothies??

[laohaire]

I'm there too, just wanted to lend my support. It involves effort, but it's worth it. DD had gotten in the habit of eating cereal instead of food. It's hard with DH, it's not that he doesn't care about health but rather he is just really concerned that she eat "something" and is scared to let her go hungry. So he will offer her basically anything she'll eat, you know? He believes nutrition is important but he's not quite where I am with it, and feels like cereal is ok - it has all the vitamins and minerals added and stuff (sigh). Anyway, not to give the whole story, but I finally came to an agreement with him that DD can only have cereal once a day - for breakfast. It's no longer a fallback for lunch, dinner or snack. Frankly I would love to ban cereal period but I think that would be hard for DD to go cold turkey like that. It has worked really well. She has accepted the once-a-day rule and now is accepting some other foods. It's slow and hard and takes a lot of effort for me to constantly be planning meals and snacks that don't repeat themselves too often (because then she'll get bored of it and stop eating it altogether for a long time) but that she's still interested in.

The more I'm working at this, the more she seems to be open to other foods - unlike where she was 2 months ago when her cereal addiction was at its worst.

I NEVER force, cajole, bribe or anything. I put it in front of her, hopefully she eats it, if she doesn't, fine. If I tried anything funky with her, she has a strong will, she'd fight me bigtime and never touch it.

She likes "banana ice cream" (a banana smoothie) and sometimes I can sneak stuff into it. Unfortunately greens, while they don't affect the taste of a smoothie very much, turn it dark green, so I just slip a single leaf of baby spinach in, or whatever. That sort of thing.

We also have a garden growing, and I am hoping she will eat what we grow. We have had some luck with her eating vegetables that she picked herself - particularly peas picked right from the farm, also she loves fresh basil (hey, it's a green, I'll take it). I honestly don't think I could cook up a dinner of peas and have her eat it, but she will eat a good amount of peas right off the plant (this is based on last year's crop). So, gardening or doing pick-your-own is great for kids.

Good luck.

[CrazyCatLady]

I'm lurking here cause my picky daughter and my even more picky self would love to try tf someday. Thanks for asking op and thanks for the advice so far everyone.

[neveryoumindthere]

2 words:

CHINESE MEDICINE

They can help you clear up any digestive issues which can help clear the eczema, and in kids things are pretty easy to treat. If you look in the Allergies forum, there is a mom who just recently posted another chinese medicine success story. Her babe had really bad eczema and it started to clear within 12 hours.

hth!

[LauraLoo]

Originally Posted by ginnybee

Is there a farmer's market you could take your son to, to pick out treats? Here, most booths offer samples. Maybe he could find fruits, snap peas, cheese, etc. I often let my kids pick out one thing (a veggie, fruit, or cheese) to cut down on the gimmes and give them some control. We've brought home some pretty interesting fruits that way.

Yes! My dd went with me to the farmers market every week last summer and she really enjoyed picking out some new veggies to try -- we were able to get kale, swiss chard & zucchini into her diet that way right off the bat. She also loved the "magic beans" which were purple string beans that turned green when you cooked them. I think the key for us was that whatever she chose she also helped prepare and taste tested for me

We also made friends with a couple of farmers. A little funny -- our farmers market had a popcorn stand, so I'd let dd get a little bag of that while we shopped. One of our farmer friends asked if she would trade her popcorn for a baby squash. She immediately handed over her bag to him. The farmer was surprised and said that he had never had a child take him up on a trade like that before. Even funnier is that squash wasn't one of the foods that she would willingly eat, but after that, she began to eat squash.

[Happiestever]

My kids will almost always eat what they pick out. So hit up the veggie stands and let him run wild. Good Luck with the eczema, the chinese meds sounds like they may help.

[Karamom]

thanks for all the advice everyone! I enjoyed reading the responses and I am feeling much better about it today.

As far as Chinese medicine- what exactly do you mean by this? We have tried NEAT allergic response testing and Nutrition response testing. It is my understanding that both of these stem from the Chinese system of neurological reflexes, acupuncture points and the flow of energy between organs. Do you mean those or something else I should look into? The only other thing I can think of is acupuncture but I'm not sure how easy it would be to get a 3 year old to sit still while having needles poked at him.

[neveryoumindthere]

re: chinese medicine.. We had herbal recipes put together that we were to boil and make into tea.
I had to drink full cups, but for ds it was just tablespoons at a time
very easy, taste awful, but so does regular medicine

hth!

[tilly_sue]

My picky "child" is actually my husband, lol. He was raised on bad food (where the healthy stuff was badly prepared and the processed stuff was tasty) and is highly resistant to change. We've been married nearly 10 years now and I'm making very slow but positive change! He still loves his pizza, but I've introduced kefir smoothies and he loves them. In fact, just last night he went to the store and came home with (cough- two bags of chips - cough) over a dozen containers of on-sale berries to add to smoothies! That's huge progress. I've been making bread less available and serving more vegis and fewer carbs. I really can't force him to make change, but it is happening slowly and surely. Good luck with your child!

[lookatreestar]

Originally Posted by neveryoumindthere

2 words:

CHINESE MEDICINE

They can help you clear up any digestive issues which can help clear the eczema, and in kids things are pretty easy to treat. If you look in the Allergies forum, there is a mom who just recently posted another chinese medicine success story. Her babe had really bad eczema and it started to clear within 12 hours.

hth!

totally agree. we went to an herbalist/tcm practice and she mixed up some herbs for ds and they really helped his digestion. (she also cured his staph infection)

[Mere]

I just posted about my picky eater...I should've looked further along in the posts! I was writing for support too, so I am right here with you. It is HARD! Ds (6) has gotten pickier over the years, and is now down to about 20 TF foods. Really. He is never gets sick, looks healthy and is growing so I'm not too worried. He does, however, have eczema also! Not severe like your son, but noticeably on his cheeks and backs of his arms. I've tried taking him off dairy but the effect seems negligible for the intense amount of effort and expense a dairy-free diet requires (his diet is heavy on the dairy).

I too practice the whole concept of picking an approach and sticking with it regarding his food intake. That approach is basically #1) to only have healthy foods in the house that I am okay with him eating whenever he wants, and #2) serving some food for each meal that he will like, but that's it. I thought things would eventually change on their own for the better. Well, 3 years later and ds1 is still eating some combination of nuts, raw vegetables and cheese for dinner (or nothing). Every night. For at least 3 years. Oh, and he's had oatmeal for every single breakfast ever for as long as I can remember (unless we're away, in which case I can usually find yogurt). It's unfathomable to me, really.

Now I'm doubting - should I be forcing him to try things (I hate the thought)? Could I even carry that out if I wanted to (probably not)? Will he ever give in and try a new food on his own? Will he *ever* get bored of eating carrots, nuts, cheese and oatmeal? He's healthy now, but will he continue to be healthy on these few foods? Will we ever be able to travel extensively? I know they say that if a child is hungry he will eat, but I have seen this one hold out for a looooong time....

Anyhow, I have no answers for you, but I feel your pain. Stay strong.