what will you do differently with #2?

[red and lulu]

just curious what other first-time mamas are thinking they'll do differently with the next baby, if anything. now that dd is closing in on a year i'm definitely seeing some results of my ap mothering thus far, good and bad! we are very attached, and i love love love that but i am also super-burnt out, and feel like my choices haven't all necessarily been the right ones for us. my best friend, who is due with her first in july, said to me the other day that watching me and her sister (who also is very ap) has showed her a lot of what she doesn't want to do, even though she's pro-ap, b/c she sees how 2 years down the line things can look... and i sorta see where she's coming from.

so, next time...

i will breastfeed any baby of mine, but i think i'm more open to pumping now — next time i will at least introduce a bottle early so that someone else could feed them.

and i think i will not be so lackadaisical about naps and sleeping — i will establish a nap routine and a bedtime routine and maybe even encourage a pacifier and/or a lovey.

and we love co-sleeping, and would do it again in a heart beat, but maybe a bassinet or co-sleeper next to the bed would be a better place to start.

i think there's more, but i'm blanking... i want to hear other mama's thoughts.

[Bobbys]

I never intended to be an AP parent. I knew I wanted to breastfeed and wear my baby. I just didn't know that was part of AP. And I never intended to cosleep until my LO couldn't sleep in his crib and I couldn't blame him. However, for my next child, I am definitely going to do a cosleeper/bassinet. As he approaches 5 months, cosleeping is very disruptive and uncomfortable and we need our own space. Transitioning to a crib has been a challenge. So with next babe, I definitely want a cosleeper.

[Knitting Mama]

So far the only thing I'll do differently is introduce a paci early on. Cecilia won't take one at all, and when she's super sad in her carseat and I'm driving, it would be really nice to have something that she felt soothed by.

[jess152]

With baby 2 we skipped the bassinet & crib issues and late start to co-sleeping we had with DS1 and just co-slept from day one. It's been a whole lot easier and everyone's gotten more sleep! DS1 transitioned to his big boy bed easily, so hopefully #2 will be the same.

Other than that...it's pretty much business as usual. We took everything one day at a time and haven't had many hurdles with regards to potty training, weaning, whatever. #2 is a piece of cake! (only 6 months in, so that could all change!!)

[Nicole730]

Originally Posted by red + lulu

so, next time...

i will breastfeed any baby of mine, but i think i'm more open to pumping now — next time i will at least introduce a bottle early so that someone else could feed them.

and i think i will not be so lackadaisical about naps and sleeping — i will establish a nap routine and a bedtime routine and maybe even encourage a pacifier and/or a lovey.

and we love co-sleeping, and would do it again in a heart beat, but maybe a bassinet or co-sleeper next to the bed would be a better place to start.

Baby #2 is 12 weeks old, but I did all of those things differently with her!

With DS, I never had a freezer stash of milk and would be struggling to get a bottle ready before I'd be gone. This time, I already have about 6 bags of milk, not a ton, but enough that I don't have to stress before I'm gone.

DS was not scheduled at all, he was a terrible sleeper, so I'm not sure if he would have taken to a schedule anyway, but DD is a great sleeper and on an awesome schedule, with just a little guidance from me, but mostly her following certain patterns. (I really think she is an 'easy' baby and this would have been a struggle to do with DS) DD also uses a pacifier. I hope to wean her from it though by 1 year and I still don't encourage loveys. Although DS became attached to having certain books in his crib.

DS would not sleep for more than one hour on his own, he'd wake up and cry. DD, she'll snooze on her own for hours. I ended up side-carring the bassinet and I keep her in there pretty much all night. Unless I fall asleep during our 4am nursing session and she stays with me in bed.

-----

I plan on putting DD in her own bed and room a lot sooner than DS, he was 14 months. In the next month or so, I plan on putting DD in her own room which I am sad about, but really, she can sleep on her own and I don't want to "ruin" that by waiting too long)

I want to nurse her longer than I did DS, I got pregnant and couldn't nurse him how I wanted to past 14 months.

I will feed her solids differently than I did DS, less pureed foods and more real finger foods.

I will babywear her more often once she is mobile, in the hopes she won't fight it too much! I only had a snugli with DS and by the time I got better carriers he didn't care for them at all. I wear DD everyday, multiple times a day.

I also want to try some EC with DD, but I don't know if I will make the time for it.

[mambera]

By hook or by crook, I am going to figure out how to STAY HOME with the next one full time for at least the first six months. I went back to work at 8 weeks with DD and it was just awful.

Also I am much more knowledgeable about breastfeeding now so next time around hopefully I won't have so much trouble and will be able to avoid supplementing.

[Channelle]

Oh, I'm totally going to pump more! I lost all my supply and had to go to formula with this one, so next time around I'm going to have a pump handy and get a large stash!

Also, I want to babywear more, avoid the hospital, stay at home instead of work all the time, have a baby during spring instead of winter, do MUCH more skin to skin in the early newborn days, and cloth diaper from the start!

[lookatreestar]

honestly with the second ive done pretty much everything the same. i love having the freedom of no loveys/pacis etc. my dd has really shown me how much ap can pay off.

[sapphire_chan]

*I will have a washer and dryer. (Or at least a washer, the dryer isn't as important.)
*I will have at least 8 waterproof pads for the bed.
*Slinging will be easy sooner because now I know the trick of putting a folded hand towel under the baby's head.
*I'll use a mirror to see the rearfacing baby sooner.
**Did I mention that I will have a washer and dryer?
*I'll put the mattress for the family bed on the floor sooner (if we put it back on a bed frame between now and then.)
*I'll get more footed pants. Footed pants are AWESOME and after I figured that out I already had a ton of shirts and felt like I couldn't spend money on outfit sets just to get the footed pants. Next time, : that.
*Freezer meals.
*I'll stay home and not try to do any classes.

And, of course, I'll be helping a little girl learn all about babies.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by Nicole730

I also want to try some EC with DD, but I don't know if I will make the time for it.

Just hold her over a potty whenever she wakes up dry, morning or naps. You'll also love yourself if you hold her over the potty anytime you change her diaper--avoid the "pooping in a clean diaper" phenomenon.

[Nicole730]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Just hold her over a potty whenever she wakes up dry, morning or naps. You'll also love yourself if you hold her over the potty anytime you change her diaper--avoid the "pooping in a clean diaper" phenomenon.

Thanks. We have potties out right now for DS, so really, it's not anymore work. And funny you say that about the pooping in a clean diaper, today I was telling DH how much I hate it when I put a nice, thick, absorbent CD on her and then she poops and I have to change it before she even pees! grrr.

[Norasmomma]

This kinda makes me laugh, we did do a few things differently, BUT and I stress this each baby is different. Things you might think you'll do may not be even able to. I think the biggest thing is having an open mind and flexibility.

I didn't do much differently for DS, I wore him more as a new baby. He has STTN since birth and has barely ever been more than a cat napper. DD would take loooooooong naps everyday 2xs a day until 8 months and the girl still can barely STTN.

Somethings are just more up to personality.

[karika]

-I made a typed birth plan since I still used the hospital (but wish I had birthed at home)
-I began EC right away but I did end up keeping dd2 in diapers longer than dd1, just because every baby is different, and I was old and in someone else's home.
-I did not return to work at 12 mo (I did work full time for 6 mo when dd1 was a year old, she stayed with her father) and hopefully will not work for a long time.
-I will not put dd2 into any sort of childcare (dd1 went to a home daycare for a while at age 4)
-I will not introduce dd2 to unnatural foods (ie chemicals created in a laboratory like msg, food colorings, mainstream caffeine free soda)
- I will not introduce dd2 to gluten/dairy/soy (we are all GFCFSF and have been natural/organic for some time)
-I refused all invasive procedures on dd2 at birth
- I will not get any vaccinations for dd2
- I will not waste any time going to an MD office for 'well visits' which are a ploy to get all children vaccinated IMO (took dd1 to one of those and was coerced into her 2 mo shots)
- I will only allow mercury free dentistry on dd2 if it is ever necessary
- I use supplements like Vit D, CLO, and probiotics earlier than I did with dd1
- I eat more food and drink more water this time.

I do not regret any of my AP/ child led practices. I still believe my nipple is better than a paci (my opinion) and that all beings come into this world knowing more than us that have already been here and had our inner self muddied so. If anything I have been more attached with dd2. I leave her with my parenting partner for about an hour a week while I grocery shop, so no pumped milk needed. She is my last if that matters. I loved the first 3 months we spent almost exclusively in the bedroom on our babymoon, I missed that with dd1 (although she was always in arms I just didn't have the concept of a babymoon). We will all sleep together for as long as wanted by the children. I have learned a lot more since dd1. There is 5 yrs 6 mo between them. The logic of AP/TCC (the continuum concept)/ ecological childrearing just makes so much sense. IMO the 'other' way (mainstream) takes the adults feelings and wants into the equation, yet ignores the baby's needs. Society as it exists today is relatively new compared to how it was always done, so my motto (which I got from some other web group somewhere I am sure) is to think like a cave person/ nomad and do it that way since we are the same physiologically now as we were then.

[snoopy5386]

Originally Posted by red + lulu

just curious what other first-time mamas are thinking they'll do differently with the next baby, if anything. now that dd is closing in on a year i'm definitely seeing some results of my ap mothering thus far, good and bad! we are very attached, and i love love love that but i am also super-burnt out, and feel like my choices haven't all necessarily been the right ones for us. my best friend, who is due with her first in july, said to me the other day that watching me and her sister (who also is very ap) has showed her a lot of what she doesn't want to do, even though she's pro-ap, b/c she sees how 2 years down the line things can look... and i sorta see where she's coming from.

so, next time...

i will breastfeed any baby of mine, but i think i'm more open to pumping now — next time i will at least introduce a bottle early so that someone else could feed them.

and i think i will not be so lackadaisical about naps and sleeping — i will establish a nap routine and a bedtime routine and maybe even encourage a pacifier and/or a lovey.

and we love co-sleeping, and would do it again in a heart beat, but maybe a bassinet or co-sleeper next to the bed would be a better place to start.

i think there's more, but i'm blanking... i want to hear other mama's thoughts.

Well, we are 6 weeks in to #2 and she has already foiled many of my plans!

With DD2 I intro'd the pacifier on Day 1, hoping she would take it. She took it great for 2 weeks then suddenly stopped. We now own every brand of paci on the market and she'll take none of them.

The cosleeper - still yet to have a baby sleep in there. DD2 starts most nights in the crib and then cosleeps with me the rest of the night. We'll keep this arrangement for as long as it works. With DD1 we didn't try the crib for many months and then had many failed attempts to get her to actually sleep there.

We birthed in a birth center with DD2 as opposed to a hospital with DD1, so much better. If there is a 3rd hopefully I can talk DH into birthing at home.

We will delay vax this time.

We will be more relaxed about intro'ing food. We will spoonfeed some so DD1 can feed DD2 and bond with her.

RE: naps and scheduling - this is near impossible with DD2 since we are always running somewhere with DD1. DD2 must go with the flow.

I'll BF longer since this is my last baby if DD2 will go along. My friend's 18 month old selfweaned and I just about cried at the thought of my LO weaning that young.

We're pumping and doing a bottle every once in a while so I can go out alone with DD1 without worrying, but we'll see how that goes, such a pain!

Mostly, I've been trying to just go with the flow, not stress and soak up as much time as possible with DD2 because it goes SO QUICK!!!

[ann_of_loxley]

Having just had my second with plans of doing some things differently and some things the same... I have to say - a lot of that has gone out the window...Just because they are so different people! So really, what I will be doing the same/different is based on what worked with DS and what will work/not work with this one! lol
Some things you can plan for. A lot you can't!... For example, there is a lot that worked great with DS1 that I would have done the same this time around but if I try that - it would result in me CIO with this one cause hes not having any of it! lol (so obviously, im not doing any of that! lol)

[maptome]

Originally Posted by red + lulu

...
i will breastfeed any baby of mine, but i think i'm more open to pumping now — next time i will at least introduce a bottle early so that someone else could feed them.

...

Me too! I feel so trapped because DD needs my boob still at 10 months.

Here are some things:

-Buy really cute clothes even if they are expensive. We have so many pictures of DD playing at home, and MIL says she always looks like a begger. She had a "fancy" outfit that she only wore once, but we took pictures.

-Hire a postpartum doula! DH wants two! =)

-Relax and enjoy the new newborn newness. I won't feel the urge to clean/leave the house in the early days.

-Spend money for the good baby stuff.

[Annie Mac]

I've got 20 years between the first and the second baby. There are a number of things I plan to do differently this time. Firstly, provide this baby with a community. With my first, I moved around quite a bit, mostly out of economic necessity, but sometimes just for the adventure of it. This time, I want to buy a house in an area I can happily settle into for the next 20 years, and do just that. Secondly, stay home with this child, at least until she hits school age. Even then, I only want to work part-time at that point and make sure I am home for her when she gets home. Again, out of economic necessity I could not do that for my first but I think I can swing it now. Those are the two big ones.

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama

So far the only thing I'll do differently is introduce a paci early on. Cecilia won't take one at all, and when she's super sad in her carseat and I'm driving, it would be really nice to have something that she felt soothed by.

That's no guarantee. We introduced the paci at 2 days and he refused to take it. To this day (8 mos) he views pacis as something to be played with, not sucked on.

THe big thing I would do differently would be to get an IBCLC in here on day 1 or 2, and hopefully avoid the problems that led to my guy being formula fed.

[Beauchamp]

-- start using the sling early. I didn't know about ring slings until later.

-- get out of the house more

-- cloth dipes from the beginning

-- not worry so much about what I "should" be doing

-- be stronger during birth. I transferred, and I think a big part of it was because I expected birth to be easier (and boy was I wrong) and then I got scared. I also had little support so...

-- I'd hire a doula for the birth.

-- bottles and pumping to some extent. Maybe.

-- side-car or co-sleeper from the beginning. But probably not all of us in one bed, because it's not working so great right now.

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by snoopy5386

Well, we are 6 weeks in to #2 and she has already foiled many of my plans!.......

We will be more relaxed about intro'ing food. We will spoonfeed some so DD1 can feed DD2 and bond with her........



I'll BF longer since this is my last baby if DD2 will go along. My friend's 18 month old selfweaned and I just about cried at the thought of my LO weaning that young.
!

That was my point, you just never know what to expect, I mean with DD I said I never co-sleep, that "plan" got tossed immediately, lol.

I know that the self weaning makes you sad, but it does happen, I was going to nurse until age 2, but DD had other plans-she did exactly this at 18 months. She was just done, the boob was a distraction for her busy-ness.

I would just aid a word of caution on letting the 3 year old feed the baby, we did that and now it has backfired-majorly, I know that it depends on the kid, but our DD saw us letting her feed DS as an open door policy to feeding him. I have pulled a grape out of his mouth she gave him, she also dumped her dinner on his highchair tray the other night. Now we constantly have to watch her to make sure she doesn't feed him, and have a new house rule, NO FOOD to DS unless it's from mommy or daddy.