Is this CIO? My stepmom and babysitting...

[MariesMama]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum, mods, please move if it's wrong.

My DD has always been a pretty fabulous sleeper. Since birth, once she's out, she might get up once or twice, but she'll go right back down. Lately she's been wanting/needing someone to sit with her until she falls asleep. I have no problem with this, as I just bring a book of my own to read after reading to her. It's relaxing. DD's regular sitters have no problem with this either. If I'm not in there, DD will either get hysterical or play for hours.

(We've recently weaned her off of having a freaking lamp on while she falls asleep after an incident where she was shut up in a closet for a couple of minutes. So sitting and reading in her room for 10-20 minutes is no biggie at all.)

The problem is that my stepmom thinks this is ridiculous. She claims she won't do it, that she'll listen in on the baby monitor (I don't own one.) and tell DD to get back to bed every time she hears her crying or playing. Stepmom is babysitting DD tomorrow as a favor to me, and I'm nervous that I'm going to pick her up at 11:30 pm and DD is going to be hysterical in her room.

I just don't understand why a grandmother wouldn't enjoy a little down time, especially with her only granddaughter, and would rather (potentially) deal with hours of fighting bedtime.

Am I totally whacked? I need some perspective on this.

[TerraNoelle]

Yeah I personally think it is CIO.

I would be really clear that she is to NOT do that and she is to sit in there with her. It's your child and she needs to follow your rules on that!

Unfortunately most mainstream westernized parents feel this perfectly fine to do

[CrazyCatLady]

Um, would you be comfortable with that situation? You're kind of lucky in a way that your stepmom is being up front with you now. Gives you a chance to change your mind on her babysitting. Sometimes kids act way different/better for grandparents, so it could be fine. Or like you say, you may pick up a very distressed kid.

I wouldn't leave my kid in that situation unless it was a life or death type of emergency. Whether or not it would be labled cio, it doesn't sound like a very pleasant thing for your daughter to go through with no warning/being prepared for it.

[MeepyCat]

You're not totally whacked.

What it sounds like is going on here is that you've explained to your stepmom what your daughter's usual bedtime routine is, and your stepmom has said she's not going to do it. She will, instead, rely on a device you do not own to (IMO) play one of the dumbest games in the book - the thing where an adult provides a stream of constant stimulation to a toddler who should be sleeping by popping in every few minutes to tell the kid to go to sleep, and leaving without doing anything to help that happen. You can orbit the nursery all night playing that game.

Why your stepmom prefers this to 10-20 minutes of quiet reading is beyond me. It kind of makes me think she's more into the power struggle with you than anything else.

My temptation would be to find another sitter and explain to your stepmom that you totally understand if she can't handle your DD's bedtime routine (lie if you gotta), but DD needs her sleep SO badly, and the routine is SO important. She can babysit again when DD is older and can get to sleep herself. At this point, I would probably be unable to stop myself from saying something like "But I know you'll understand if I hope that's a long time - I just find the bed time story and cuddle routine so sweet."

[rhiOrion]

Well, if she's playing, then I'm not sure I see it quite the same as CIO.

If she's crying and hysterical, then it does seem more that way.

I'd agree with you, it seems like it would be easier to sit with her and read or whatever rather than having to fight her on it all night long.

[MariesMama]

I discussed it with her today, in passing. She was saying to DD, "Tomorrow night you're going to go to bed without any fuss, right?" and things like that. I told her that we'd just gotten rid of the lamp, and that she's a little fussy about the dark, so she likes someone to sit with her. She didn't respond much. Tomorrow when I drop her off, I'm going to bring it up again, and if she insists on letting her cry, I'll get out of work early and never ask her to babysit again.

I'm not sure if she thinks that by making DD CIO at her house, when she never freaking watches her at all (another long story), that she'll train her or something??

[MeepyCat]

Originally Posted by MariesMama

I'm not sure if she thinks that by making DD CIO at her house, when she never freaking watches her at all (another long story), that she'll train her or something??

Probably.

And then she'll be Magical Grandma, who can prove she's a better parent than you because she got your kid to do what she wanted. If it works, expect to hear a ton (or a ton more) about how you have just got to stop spoiling that baby.

[Shanny2032]

Update? Hope all went well whatever you decided.

[MariesMama]

It went fairly well. DD was being a terror all day, very bossy and demanding, so my stepmom already had her hands full. At bedtime, she was throwing a fit for absolutely no reason (I believe it) so my stepmom told her she needed to stop or she would shut her door. It worked.

Stepmom did sit in her room, across the hall from DD's, where DD could see her reading a book, and DD was just being a crab about it before my stepmom told her to knock it off. It was plenty light in the room when I got there, and DD was passed out. She said she was out about 15 minutes after getting into bed.

Thank you all!