Moms in 30+ range starting families?

[PoetryLover]

I turned 34 this month and have a 4 month old son. He is my first biological child. I know I'd like to have 2 more children. I'm afraid to wait too long, as I am a bit older to be starting out. I'd like to hear from others who started to have children in their mid to late 30s and how they did the spacing. Ideally I'd do 3-4 years between, but because of my age I don't feel that's possible.

Also, how do you find your energy level to be? I hear you have less energy as a mom when you're older, but so far I seem to have a good deal of energy and am fairly active.

I'd also like to hear anything anyone wants to share regarding being an older mom. I met my husband at 32 so this is just how it's worked out for me. But I have a definite feeling that I'm ready, whereas I might not have been ready to be a really good mom when I was younger. (I'm only speaking for myself here. I recognize there are a lot of good younger moms out there!) Being a mom at this age seems to fit so perfectly in my life. I'm happier than I've ever been. And I LOVE being a SAHM!

[kJad29]

Hi! Well I didn't start at age 34, but I had my first baby at age 32 and that's practically the same thing. I didn't get married until I was 29 and after relocating and trying to conceive for a long time we finally had our first son. So now, I'm 5 months pregnant with our second baby. We decided to start trying after our first turned a year and we thought that it may take a long time, but surprise, we get pregnant on the practice round of ttc'ing. I also had tons of energy during my first pregnancy and I still have lots now though I'm a little more tired since I'm running around after a toddler most of the day. I can't tell you what to do about planning your family, but I will say that 2 years is a good space between kids as well as 3-4. I personally plan on waiting until my second is 2 before starting for a third because I want for the second to get some extra attention since it's impossible with a second to give him/her the same amount of time as the first. So by the time I have the third if all goes according to plan, my first will be closer to 5 and my second will be closer to 3. I also love being a SAHM because I get to see my little guy's personality develop before my eyes. It's great to be able to spend so much time with our little ones. Best of luck on your family planning.

[FallingLeaves]

DH and I got married when I was 32. I was 36 when DD1 was born, and 39 when DD2 was born. They are both IVF babies. When I went through my first IVF cycle all of my numbers were great. I was shocked when my results for IVF cycle 2 came back. My numbers were awful and I was told my egg quality wouldn't be as good and I wouldn't get as many eggs. With DD1, 11 eggs were retrieved, 8 fertilized, 4 made it to transfer and I got 1 baby. With DD2, only 1 egg was retrieved, thankfully that 1 egg fertilized and made it to transfer and became DD2. I know this isn't the case for everyone but I was schocked how much my body had changed in just a couple of years. I think they called it perimenopause. My cousin will be 41 in a couple of months and she just had a baby (not her first but no fertility treatments for her). A good friend of mine was 42 when she had her first baby (no fertility treatments for her either).

I love being a SAHM but I am tired. I know I don't have the energy I would have had if I had had children when I was younger, but I also know that I am a much better mom than I would have been in my 20's. Back then, I didn't know anyone that followed attachment parenting....I didn't even know what it was. I'd probably have a bit more energy if I ate better and exercised more though. So, I am so glad that my children came to me at this stage of my life. I wouldn't want it any other way!

[lillymonster]

Originally Posted by PoetryLover

I turned 34 this month and have a 4 month old son. He is my first biological child. I know I'd like to have 2 more children. I'm afraid to wait too long, as I am a bit older to be starting out. I'd like to hear from others who started to have children in their mid to late 30s and how they did the spacing. Ideally I'd do 3-4 years between, but because of my age I don't feel that's possible.

I had my first at 36, I am pregnant with another, and my DD will be almost 4 when #2 is born

Originally Posted by PoetryLover

Also, how do you find your energy level to be? I hear you have less energy as a mom when you're older, but so far I seem to have a good deal of energy and am fairly active.

I honestly don't notice a different. Yeah I am tired because that is because my DD NEVER sleeps - she didn't sleep through the night until she was 3, and now she is 3 and like 2 months and has given up naps. I have yet to met a child who sleeps as little as her, so I blame that on her and not my age. When I think of my age, I eat better and am thinner and take better care of myself than most people 10 years younger than me, so I don't buy into that.

Originally Posted by PoetryLover

I'd also like to hear anything anyone wants to share regarding being an older mom. I met my husband at 32 so this is just how it's worked out for me. But I have a definite feeling that I'm ready, whereas I might not have been ready to be a really good mom when I was younger. (I'm only speaking for myself here. I recognize there are a lot of good younger moms out there!) Being a mom at this age seems to fit so perfectly in my life. I'm happier than I've ever been. And I LOVE being a SAHM!

my only thing with being an older mother is my morning sickness. Maybe that would happen if I was younger, but I have patience for it at 39! And trying to find both acne cream and wrinkle creams, lol!

Aside from that, I was debating on having another one, my grandmother had my mother when she was 42, so I could, but I think the thing changing my mind is not my age, but purely that I hate being pregnant!

[suziek]

My first son was born when I was 33. I just turned 43 and have a lovely batch of kids (see my sig).

I have plenty of energy and feel very happy and lucky to have squeezed under the wire here, though I do wish I were young enough to have one more.

I lived in NYC when I my first three were born, so I didn't feel like an older mom. Here in the hinterlands, I really do. But so what!

As my dad said when I was weighing going to med school (I didn't go but had a 3rd child instead) you're going to be 45 no matter what you do so decide if you want to be 45 with a MD or without. (I decided I wanted to be 45 with a big family instead, but you get the point.)

I do wish I had 60 great years in front of me to watch the lives of my children and children unfold, but I'll take 40 (50 would be better)!

[PoetryLover]

Thanks to everyone who's posted so far! I find this topic so interesting!

suzieK, you are so inspiring! I know I want at least 2 more. I noticed most of your children were born 2 years apart. How did that work out for you? I'm hoping for about a 2 year spacing with mine.

lillymonster, I feel the same way regarding eating better and being in better shape physically than many who are much younger than me. I figure as long as I continue to eat healthy foods and remain active, that won't change. For what it's worth, I had HORRIBLE morning sickness that lasted the first half my pregnancy only to be replaced by severe fatigue. I, too, HATED being pregnant. However, I LOVE my son so I guess I'm willing to do it a couple more times. :-) I don't think those things have anything to do with my being an "older" mom. My younger sister has nausea and fatigue during pregnancy.

Right after I had my son (a near 10 pounder) I was talking about whether I would lose the weight or get back in shape. A couple people told me that I am older now and might not get back in shape. But at 4 months postpartum, I am walking frequently and am happy to see such progress in my body. I'm wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans. People also said that being older I wouldn't have much energy and I find that to be false, as well. It took me a few months to get my energy back, but I also hemorrhaged after giving birth and lost a LOT of blood. Now my energy seems great.

[JessieBird]

I turned 35 two weeks after having my first. I will turn 37 about six weeks after my second is born. They will be about 22 months apart. We've always pictured three children and our ages (DH is 43) did play a factor in deciding to TTC again so soon after DS was born (af returned when he was 10 mos old, I was preg by the time he was 13 mos old).

I was even more sick with this pregnancy than with the first (didn't think that was possible!) and I found that to be very hard, though I don't think it has anything to do with my age. If we do TTC #3, I think there may be more of a break between 2 & 3 than between 1 & 2, at least long enough for us to save the money for a live-in nanny for the fist trimester in case I am as sick again.

As for parenting at this age, I definitely have more muscle aches and pains now at 36 than I did at 26. But mentally I feel both very young and also very experienced/seasoned. I don't regret waiting to have children at all. I am with my soul mate, who I didn't meet until I was 31, and I have patience and understanding that I didn't have in my 20s. This makes life so much easier, even if my knees creak when I get down to play cars on the floor. If I could do things over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

Ask me again in a year and see what I say...

[lillymonster]

Originally Posted by PoetryLover

lillymonster,change. For what it's worth, I had HORRIBLE morning sickness that lasted the first half my pregnancy only to be replaced by severe fatigue. I, too, HATED being pregnant. However, I LOVE my son so I guess I'm willing to do it a couple more times. :-) I son't think those things have anything to do with my being an "older" mom. My younger sister has nausea and fatigue during pregnancy.
.

I should have added that I do have bouts of depression and for some reason morning sickness or maybe the pregnancy itself sets it off, and I had PPD with the last one. Again, not something age related, but something that is influencing my decision to go for #3

Originally Posted by suziek

I do wish I had 60 great years in front of me to watch the lives of my children and children unfold, but I'll take 40 (50 would be better)!

I will add too that my mom had me at 36, her mom had her at 42. My grandmother died when I was 6 months old, she was 78, my mom is 74. My aunt lived to be 80, so I don't know how long my mom might be around, BUT my dad's mom died when he was 16 and she was only 39. My dad died when he was 59 (I was in college) From my experience, you never know how long you have with anyone.

[mambera]

I'm not a SAHM but I'm interested in this thread.

Had my first at 31, unplanned but definitely wanted, and for sure we would have started younger if we'd met earlier. (I had 'baby fever' starting in my mid-twenties.)

I'd like two more and DH only wants one more (he's a very hands-on dad)... it would be nice to have the option for wide spacing so we could let the dust settle after #2 and maybe revisit the issue later, but it just doesn't seem wise.

[aikigypsy]

I was 37 when DD was born and will be 40 when this one comes. They'll be a little less than 3 years apart. I would like to have 1 or 2 more, but DH is adamant about only having 2, and I would eventually like to have more of a "career" again, so we'll probably stop after this one.

I plan to SAH mostly until both kids are in school. I have plans to start a part-time business, so I guess I'm not a full-on SAHM, but for now, it's what I do.

In my area, most people seem to start their families in their 30s, so I would not consider you an older mom at all, but most of those who have 3+ kids did start younger. Like most of the PPs, I'd say that energy level has more to do with fitness, health and nutrition than with age. I don't remember being any more energetic in my 20s, only more stressed out! I think it's easier to keep on an even keel emotionally as you get older and more mature (though pregnancy and toddler-exhaustion still catch up with me sometimes). I think that's the biggest advantage of being an older mom -- having a better handle on yourself and not getting upset about missed opportunities (as much). I sometimes miss going out to late-night parties, but not often. I was pretty much over all of that a few years before I got pregnant with DD.

[artgoddess]

I was 33.5 for my first, just past 37 for my second. I'll be 40 this summer and we haven't closed the door completely on a third.

[Linda on the move]

I'm 45 now and I have a 12 year old and a 13 year old. I didn't notice my energy start to drop off until I was about 43 or 44. I'm in great shape -- I eat right, work out, and teach yoga. I look a lot younger than I am and people assume I'm younger because of my kids' ages.

At 43, I still felt like if I wanted to have a third child I could of, but at this point I really feel done. I still do a ton with my kids, but I've let go of the notion of being super mom. I have a house cleaner and I spend time and money pamper myself. For us, part of the perks of being older when we had kids is more financial freedom. (Back in my 30's I was the energizer bunny!)

My kids are only 19 months apart, and that really was too close.

[Lillitu]

very interesting thread. i just had my first 4 months ago and turned 40 this year. i would like to have another, and am wondering when would be a good time to start, spacing wise.

i have a friend who has a 5.5 yo, a 2.5 yo, and a newborn, and she is exhausted- seems like all those ages need different things from her and she is hard pressed to make it all work. she seems haggard and worn down a lot.

[PoetryLover]

How about getting back in shape post baby? I was worried about this, but I've recently reached my pre-pregnancy birth weight. I still have some work to do on my stomach, but over-all I'm pretty pleased. I don't know how my next pregnancies will be, of course. I thought it would be a good idea to get back into shape between pregnancies. I was worried about this because some people suggested that I might not lose the weight (I gained 40 pounds and gave birth to a near 10 pounder) because I'm "older" now. What has been other mamas experience with this?

[Snugglebugmom]

I had my first when I was 36, my second when I was 38, and I am now expecting our third, I will be 41 when he or she joins the clan.
I would have started having babies much earlier in life if I had met the right man sooner, but this is just how it turned out.
We didn't really space deliberately, I think in my case the round-the-clock nursing functioned as a natural spacer. I nursed my oldest until she self weaned at 2.5 and am still nursing the youngest (she's 26 months now). Even though my fertility returned sooner than that, somehow my body didn't seem ready to conceive again. We also never really tried to get pregnant, we had a let-happen-what-will kind of attitude.
I think my lack of energy at the moment has more to do with the fact that I'm pregnant and have a 4 year old and a 2 year old to keep up with, than with my age.
As for getting back in shape, I think it varies as widely when you're older as it does with younger women. Skin loses its elasticity so that's a drawback. But on the other hand, healthy eating habits and a strict work-out regimen go a long way to beat Mother Nature in that respect.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by PoetryLover

How about getting back in shape post baby?

From what I've seen, the older you get, the harder it is to maintain a healthy weight, whether or not you are having more babies. Bouncy back from a baby takes longer the older you are.

I believe that with proper effort, everyone can be in their healthy weight range, but that some moms need to adjust mentally to being at the higher rather than the lower end. I also think that as we get older, focused exercise becomes more important. It difficult to have a couple of small children and make time for one's self.

Even in shape and at my right weight, I still look like I've had kids.

[JessieBird]

Originally Posted by PoetryLover

How about getting back in shape post baby?

After my first at 35, I bounced back suprisingly well. I lost the weight without trying in about 9 months and, though I'm not at all as smooth and firm as I was in my twenties and I'm 15 lbs heavier than I probably should be I actually felt like my shape was more proportional post-baby than pre. Clothes, especially pants, were much easier to fit. I was just getting used to my new figure when I got pregnant again so we'll see how my body handles two pregnancies.

I think getting older requires a glass-half-full mindset when you look in the mirror no matter who you are and whether you've had babies or not.

[PoetryLover]

Originally Posted by JessieBird

After my first at 35, I bounced back suprisingly well. I lost the weight without trying in about 9 months and, though I'm not at all as smooth and firm as I was in my twenties and I'm 15 lbs heavier than I probably should be I actually felt like my shape was more proportional post-baby than pre. Clothes, especially pants, were much easier to fit. I was just getting used to my new figure when I got pregnant again so we'll see how my body handles two pregnancies.

I think getting older requires a glass-half-full mindset when you look in the mirror no matter who you are and whether you've had babies or not.

I don't know how "firm" I ever was! LOL. But I've always been a healthy weight and am moderately active. Actually, I'm (surprisingly) more accepting of my body now than ever before. My belly is not in shape, but I honestly haven't tried. It's gotten a lot smaller than it was after giving birth and is a little firmer. But I think it would be the same if I were 10 years younger. Actually, I'm in better shape now than when I was in my early to mid twenties, as I'm more active these days. I'm about 10 pounds lighter and I'm generally firmer, as well. But honestly, I never sought to achieve the "I go to the gym every day and sport a 6 pack look." I'm happy with my post baby body.

[mambera]

I haven't made any particular effort to lose weight or 'firm up' at any point.

I lost most of the weight (29 lb gained in preg) within the first couple of months. I fit in some of my prepreg pants at 4 weeks and all of them by 4 months pp (though with significant muffin top unfortunately).

I then stabilized about 5 lb over my prepreg weight, and I'm still there a year later. My stomach went down a lot right away (actually the L&D nurse said it was "every girl's dream," lol) but remained a bit pouchier than my usual for a year pretty much. It's just now come to about its prepreg dimensions (people have been asking me if I've lost weight, and I haven't lost any since 2 mo pp but the stomach has been receding). I still have a little extra in the boobs (D, up from C) and around the hips but that doesn't bother me much and I'm hoping it'll drop off when I'm done breastfeeding (assuming I don't get pregnant again before then).

I'm expecting a harder road next time around, sigh.

[MammaG]

I was 32 when I had DS1, 33 when I had DS2 and 37 when I had DS3. I'm not all that worried about getting back into shape....I'm OK with looking nearly 40 and the mother of 3, but I do have to say that waiting a bit between kids seems to have made a difference. This last pregnancy was the easiest and I was back into my (I'd already had 2 kids) pre-preg pants at 11 days post-partum. I was back to my pre-preg weight by 3 weeks. Now I need to lose all the extra that I put on with that first one nearly 6 years ago!

I sometimes notice an energy deficiency. I was a nanny in my 20s and it seems now that I was a super-nanny...I hiked wearing both kids and did all kinds of fun and physical play with them, but its hard to tell if that's due to age or the fact that back then I could leave at 6PM and sleep through the night, you know?!

Given how great this last pregnancy was, I'd totally have another, but I'd wait 3-4 years again, so I'd be 41 or so then.

I love staying home. I do feel occasionally like I may have missed something when I see all my friends at the top of their careers, but I always planned to be a SAHM (hence the nanny job!), and I do love it. I think that I'm a much more thoughtful Mamma than I would have been in my 20s. I didn't have such a defined personality presence and sense of purpose when I was younger. I'm not sure I would have had the guts to challenge the status quo regarding things like birth, vaccination, circ, schooling, CIO, etc. I'm glad to be an older Mamma!

ETA regarding spacing; I'd wait as long as you feel comfortable. My first are 17 months apart and I think that was the hardest thing I dealt with as an older Mamma. My second was a tiring pregnancy (I nursed through it), and it took me a very long time to recover physically and emotionally. I definately spent a year or so just barely keeping up with the kids. As my middle was nearly 4 when baby #3 arrived, I have felt so aware of this baby in a way that I didn't before....I'm experienced enough to be relaxed and because the big boys can do a lot for themselves (and my ODS just brought me a snack that he made for me...carrot sticks, goldfish, an apple and prunes....maybe I DO look old?!), I can really focus on the baby. I totally recommend 3-4 years!