How, oh how, is this possible?

[Italiamom]

A little background: I have a 14 month old son that has never in his life slept longer than 4 hours in a stretch. I can count on one hand the number of times he's slept for longer than 2 hours at a time. He flat out will not sleep anywhere except my bed (save for in his Burley trailer or the carseat, but I can't bike/drive around all night), so despite no plans to bedshare, my husband ended up on an air mattress for 10 months until we sacked up and got an extra bed that on a good night I am lucky to join my husband in for an hour or two. My son will eventually calm down with rocking, shushing, etc., but takes an exceptionally long time to fall back to sleep without the boob (2+ hours), which means that I do pretty much all of the night time parenting. My husband is willing to get up and put in those hours, but then no one gets sleep. We have a little house (where you can hear everything from every room), and half an hour of hysterics followed by another hour of intermittent fussing just so that DH can "help" with the night-time parenting seems silly, since I won't get any sleep during that time. We've tried various sleep tricks, elimination diets, and books, including two very serious attempts at the No Cry Sleep Solution, which didn't solve jack.

So imagine my delight at popping on to Facebook this morning to find another one of my friends raving about how they're SO glad their child is FINALLY sleeping through the night at 4 weeks. Gosh, those 4 weeks were SOOOOO hard. It was SOOOO wonderful for them to FINALLY get a 6 hour stretch.

Explain to me how this is possible? I don't know IRL a single person whose child sleeps as poorly as my DS, or even close to as poorly. All of these people schedule feedings (rather than feeding on demand), but DS will just cry hysterically (and has since his first days of life) if he doesn't get boob right.dern.now. I try not to take these posts personally, but this is the 3rd person I know who's had a baby in the last 4 months, and all three of these kids sleep for 5+ hour stretches at least 5 times a week. I'm sure my friends aren't trying to make me cry, but how, oh how is this possible?

I got a cumulative 4 hours of sleep last night, which is pretty normal in my house. And my friend with the 1 week old got a total of 8. What.the.hockeysticks!?

[alfabetsoup]

As the parent of one not-so-good sleeper and one great sleeper, I can tell you that some children just do. DD2 just sleeps well and she almost always has, it was nothing I did or didn't do.

I don't have any advice for you re sleeping but maybe you could turn off being able to see the posts from anyone who's just had a new baby?

[Rubber Ducky]

Sorry to hear that you're going through this. It will get better, I promise. I was there once. In fact, sometimes I still go back there. Do your fb friends bottle feed? Because lots of babies at that tender age would sleep for ages, especially when fed on a schedule with formula. AND, just because the baby is sleeping through at 4 weeks, it doesn't mean that it will or does continue consistently, and mama isn't neccesarily going to admit it.

I guess that doesn't entirely answer your question about whether sleeping through at this age is possible. But I think what helped me most was to focus on my own instincts towards my baby, follow them and be absolutely convinced that what I'm doing is right, despite everyone elses experiences.

And guess what, lots of mothers whose babies are fed on schedule and "sttn" will sometimes find themselves wondering why their babies are "smaller" than others. When they become toddlers and eat solids consistently, they'll also wonder why they can eat so much and don't seem to have much control over their food intake. I've witnessed this more than once.

So hey, you're doing a wonderful job and keep up the good work! Sleep will eventually come. It will.

[LadyCatherine185]

I know how you feel mama. My DS woke every hour or more his entire first year, and rarely slept longer than 2 hours up until 18 months old. I have a lot of friends with babies the same age who STTN from the beginning, and I always envied them. They'd complain about their 6 month old "only" sleeping 6 hours straight instead of 10 and I would just get angry. But, some of those people have had their second (new) babies and they aren't sleeping so well.

The good news-- DS SLEEPS now. He has even slept THROUGH THE NIGHT (as in, went to bed and didn't wake up until he was ready to get up in the morning) about 10 times. At 18 months we began nightweaning, took it slow and very firm (using a slower version of the Jay Gordon method), and then moved him to his own bed with DH taking over nighttime. He went from sleeping 1-2 hour stretches, to sleeping 3-5 hour stretches, to sleeping 7-8-9 HOURS AT A TIME. It does get better. It will.

[odoole]

Originally Posted by Rubber Ducky

Because lots of babies at that tender age would sleep for ages, especially when fed on a schedule with formula. AND, just because the baby is sleeping through at 4 weeks, it doesn't mean that it will or does continue consistently, and mama isn't neccesarily going to admit it.

I was going to say this too. If a little schadenfreude makes you feel better, just know that the 4 month sleep regression is around the corner for these friends, and most of them will eventually experience what you're experiencing, at least for a time ...

[Italiamom]

Oh thank you ladies! I knew that you mamas could sympathize with me It just makes me feel like I must be a horrible parent, if all these people can get their LOs to sleep and I just can't. I really appreciate the kind words!!

[stormborn]

Totally not your fault! My first was like that; she still doesn't sleep very much but is now past the age where it affects my sleep. My younger one slept well from the start (by my definition, anyway, which is that all I have to do to get her back to sleep is boob) and they both got the same nighttime parenting.

[lisavark]

OP, I just wanted you to know that my 27 month old sleeps exactly like your 14 month old. Apparently she did sleep five hours straight once or twice, because I wrote about it in her baby book, but I don't remember it. Normal is three hour stretches; rough night is waking every 45 minutes or sometimes 90 minutes, and a really great night is four hour stretches. And she doesn't nap at all. I've read every sleep book and tried every trick...I honestly feel like I do everything "right," except for CIO which I don't think is right at all, and I know it would never have worked for her anyway--she's way too intense and only gets more wound up when she cries. Last night for the first time EVER DH tried to take over some of the nighttime parenting...really, first time ever, and she's 27 months. It's not his fault--she just always, only wants the boob, and it just made sense for me to do it. But after three hours of nursing last night she was STILL awake, and I was losing it, so he took over. Two hours of screaming later, she was finally asleep. At 5:00 am.

Not long ago I had a conversation with a friend of mine with a newborn; she was complaining about how she'd woken up every three hours the night before, until I told her I'd been awake at exactly the same times she had--and that had been a good night for me.

We just got back from our family reunion and I swear I don't ever want to travel or see family again. I LOVE our family, but I hate the fact that DD's cousins all take naps and sleep all night and don't act sleep deprived and fussy and difficult all day. Nobody judged me for it, but I was judging myself the entire time and feeling like I'm a terrible parent and it's my fault that DD doesn't sleep.

And I just know that isn't true. My next baby is going to sleep like the textbooks, and then I'll feel so much better about myself as a parent...

Sigh. I should be in bed right now. But right now the thought of sleep actually stresses me out. It's that bad.

Whew, sorry for my long vent! Didn't mean to co-opt your thread! But I totally identify with your feelings of comparing to others' sleep...that's what's bothering me more than anything else right now.

[kalamos23]

I totally feel for you - DD was up on a good night every hour until at least 18m and on a bad night up every 15-45 minutes. It SUCKED. She would only nap on me until 9mo, and then it was only for 15-30 min. At 18m, something clicked (in retrospect, she had a break from teething) and she started sleeping a 3 hour stretch for the first stretch and then up every 2 hours afterwards AND taking a 1 hour nap BY HERSELF! I was in heaven! Then she started teething molars. So right now she nurses for about 4-6 hours straight while laying on top of me - and she weighs 37 lbs - so not light - ugh. I am counting the days down to when she gets these teeth through!

Anyway - it WILL get better, I promise. Maybe not as soon as you would hope, but it will! I decided to make sleep for everyone our main priority, so if DD sleeping on my while nursing (I can sleep through it now) gets us the most sleep - so be it. This too shall pass.

I'd hug you but you're probably touched out ;-) Oh, and some kids are just wired differently - DD is VERY intense and high needs, and that is just her. I call it high risk, high rewards - she is a lot of work, but she is really high rewards too, so there is some payback! I'm still praying the next baby will sleep better though... I don't know if I can take 2 in a row like her...

[ktmama]

Please also remember that friends, family, bloggers and even MDC posters (!) tell you what they want to tell you, which are not always the facts. As my mother is fond of saying, please don't compare your insides with other peoples' outsides.

FWIW, my three kids have all been different in their sleep needs and habits. I'm now parenting a little 12 month old who sleeps a lot like your dc. But, he won't co-sleep, so I'm up and out of my bed to help him back to sleep every 2.5 - 3 hours. sigh.

[sept15lija]

I was right there with you, with DS...but DD is a totally different baby. Still EBF, still on demand, etc etc, but she sleeps 6-8 hours consistently. I'm still in shock to be honest. You know after my experience with DS I was worried about having another one, so at least you can know you can do all the same things parenting wise and just have the second one be a better sleeper than the first. Hugs to you!!