Would you have done it any differently?

[BlueWolf]

My daughter is coming up on 11 months old. She's had very limited dairy, mainly yogurt.

Last weekend, my mother in law tried to give her coffee flavored ice cream at a family gathering.

All I did was say.

"No, she can't have that." In a very kind, mellow tone. (I made a HUGE effort to have it come out as that tone, because my first reaction was WTH are you doing?!!? : )

She either ignored me or didn't hear me... but I think she just didn't hear me because there were other people talking over and around us. I was standing next to her, btw.

So, I repeated, "No, she can't have that."

Again ignored... Ice cream continues to be shoved in my daughters face, which she was refusing at that point but becoming more interested in it.

So, I raised my voice to be heard over the other people. "NO. She can't have that."

Again, nothing.

Repeated again, even louder (Almost a yell). "No! She cannot have that!"

MIL finally heard me, turned to me and asked why not. So, it was a very easy explanation of our limited dairy and so forth. MIL nodded and moved on.



Now my husband's BIL was there and "witnessed" this, and reported back to his wife (who was not there) that I yelled and screamed at my MIL. Now my SIL is in an uproar over how I supposedly treated her mom. Btw, she a newlywed with no kids and no plan for kids for several years. She jumped down and around my husband throat over something she didn't even witness. And now I'm this awful bad guy.

I talked to my husband, and he thinks I handled the situation fine. I made a very big effort to not be "mean" about it because I can sometimes come across very blunt without meaning to. It was a very conscious effort on my part to handle this nicely and not immediately jump in all huffy.


So, am I missing something? Would you guys have reacted differently? What can I do in the future to react in a better fashion if someone is trying to feed my child something that I'm not okay with? (I have a lot of food allergies, including peanut allergies, so it's really important that I monitor was DD eats).

[Norasmomma]

I think you handled it fine, coffee ice cream for a baby? WTH?

SIL needs to mind her own business.

I've had to do the same type of thing to my own mother, a few times, but she is very hard of hearing. My mom tried to give DD soda when she was like one and recently tried to give DS a WHOLE raisin! He's just now 8 months.

[Shazer]

This sounds like one of those meddling family situations. You did what you needed to do. SIL wasn't there and is upset over something she didn't see. If SIL brings it up to you, you can explain your POV. If she doesn't, there is nothing you can do about it except maybe talk to your MIL about what your kid can and cannot have.

[bananabee]

The only thing I see that you could have done differently, since you were standing right by her, is use your hand to block the spoon or tap your MIL's shoulder so she would know you're trying to get her attention.

I know my voice always sounds pissed if I raise it, so it could be you came across as really angry and BIL thought you were yelling at his mom. SIL is just a young jump-to-conclusion-busybody, and I wouldn't worry about her at all. Her husband will hopefully calm her down. But you might send a little note to your MIL just to clear up what happened and show that you respect her and care about her feelings, that you didn't mean to yell and were having a hard time getting her attention.

FWIW, I find it pretty strange/rude that your MIL didn't ASK if it was okay to give any kind of sweets to your DD. When I was a kid, my grandmas would always check w/my mom to see if that sort of thing was okay. I know my MIL and my mom would do the same.

[AAK]

Originally Posted by bananabee

FWIW, I find it pretty strange/rude that your MIL didn't ASK if it was okay to give any kind of sweets to your DD. When I was a kid, my grandmas would always check w/my mom to see if that sort of thing was okay. I know my MIL and my mom would do the same.

Not here. See, grandmas seem to think they are "exempt" from asking.

Amy

[lovepiggie]

I think you handled it fine, although, if it were me, I probably would have stepped in and either removed DD or the spoon after the second time.

[BlueWolf]

Originally Posted by bananabee

FWIW, I find it pretty strange/rude that your MIL didn't ASK if it was okay to give any kind of sweets to your DD. When I was a kid, my grandmas would always check w/my mom to see if that sort of thing was okay. I know my MIL and my mom would do the same.

She said that since I said I was giving DD yogurt that it was okay to have ice cream.

[LindsC]

I agree that I think you handled it fine, but I too would have stepped in if she hadn't heard me by the 2nd or 3rd time.

My MIL also thinks she is exempt from asking before she gives my kids something to eat and it drives me crazy. I have to watch her like a hawk when she is around them.

[Auraji]

Yeah my MIL is the same. I said no and she keeps pushing, it's really annoying. I remember she gave DD whipped cream when she was 6 months and one day came here with a popsicle, when I told her no. She was in shocked as to why? I told her it was too sugary and she said but it's a 100% percent fruit and I said, yes, so it's juice and I dont give her any and the rare occasion when I do it's mostly water.

On DD's bday she had a lot of fun feeding her cake though and I caught her giving my SIL's baby iced tea. I told her that had caffeine and she said "it's just a little bit".

These kind of things make we want to tell her so should I give one of your kids a shot of vodka, since it's only a little bit. (They're 12, 10 and 8),

I think you handled it fine, it's the kind of thing you need to shrug off. If anyone is annoyed is their problem, you did what was best for your baby.

[BlueWolf]

Thanks guys. This was the first time that someone has pushed something on my daughter food wise that hasn't been my own mother. My mom is much easier to deal with as she's my mom... lol. You guys know how that goes.

My other SIL (brother's wife) was telling me how an aunt sprayed whipped cream in her daughter's mouth when she was only 3 months old. At least my daughter is nearly 11 months! I'd be so enraged if someone tried to feed my newborn something like that... heck, tried to feed my newborn anything!

[jess152]

I've been there and I wouldn't have done anything differently. Your DH is standing by you and your SIL needs to chill out...she wasn't even there!

[TSomm]

My own mother wanted to feed my daughter cake icing at 3 months.

[mumkimum]

That reaction was totally appropriate. I'm another who saw/had gp's who'd ask what we were allowed to eat (dh too) but has ended up having gp's for our kids who give kids things without checking with the parents. I had to take a peppermint candy out of my dd1's mouth at just over 1 y/o that MIL had given her. We'd never given her candy and, um, choking hazzard anyone? Had to do similarily a few times later until she called and apologized to me over giving candy to dd (but still continues to give her sugary things w/o checking ). Sometimes it's just one of those things you'll always have to be overseeing. With dd1 (3.5 now), we've just ended up emphasizing that she needs to check with us first, since other grown ups have been unable to do so.

[Blueone]

I thought it was fine. Sounds like the BIL took it more personally. Maybe you could have leaned in and touched her and then when she had her eye contact stated it again more clearly. That might have caught her attention a little faster. Is she hard of hearing? It seems like she might be.

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by AAK

Not here. See, grandmas seem to think they are "exempt" from asking.

Amy

That's exactly what my mom thinks, I have told her repeatedly things my baby and DD can have and she still just ignores me, even with my sitting 2 inches away from her. My stepmom and MIL on the other hand always ask, it's my mom that's the PITA.

[smpayne]

People who have never had or had to deal with food (or even other) allergies have a real hard time comprehending how bad it can really be. I never really understood until I saw it with my own eyes. I saw a little girl break out in hives and her face swelled up just from 15 mins contact with a dog. Her mom said that the same thing happened with peanut butter a while back, only worse. Seeing this poor girls physical reaction really hit home at how bad allergies can get. My husband has allergies, but it usually take prolonged exposure and it will not hit him immediately, I'd never seen such and immediate and severe reaction to anything.

It is probably time that you and your husband have a serious talk with your MIL about the foods she can and can't eat and why. DH should let his mother know that if you have to worry about dd being sick after every family get together becasue they won't take the allergies seriously, you guys won't be able to attend.