A question for Christian Mamas about Church

[mi_amor]

For a bit of background, I just realized I was raised in a religion that uses high mind control (some people call it a cult). I still believe in God, Jesus, and the Bible. But I can't go into another Church or I will be expelled from my congregation and shunned by my family, my husband's family, and my former friends.

DH is still an active believer, so I do not want to be "kicked out." This is because my DS could also shun me when he grows up and moves out of the house.

I feel torn because I would love to go to Church, but my circumstances don't really allow it at this time. I was always taught attendance was very important, so I feel guilty not going anywhere. I tried to go back to my congregation, but it really bothers me while I'm there because I no longer feel it's true.

I listen to sermons online and enjoy new learning things.

This may sound silly, but I wonder if this is ok?

[lilmom]

Are you also not able to attend a Bible study or something of that sort?

I do think it's important to be part of a group of Christians if at all possible, because it really helps us in our accountability and in our growth.

But I also don't see anything wrong with listening to sermons online. I used to listen to a priest who had a radio show at one point in my life when I couldn't find a church I was happy with where I lived. It's certainly better than nothing!

You could also do your own Bible study by ordering some materials or buying them in a Christian bookstore. Just some thoughts.

I hope that somehow this will get resolved in a way that you can have a community of believers in your life, not involved with the group who potentially could shun you.

[Bluegoat]

THis is really too bad. I agree, it is important for many reasons to be part of a religious community. But your situation is very difficult. Have you discussed it with your husband? What happens if one spouse in a relationship is shunned - does the other spouse leave?

I don't have any advice, except to pray. I'll keep you in my prayers.

[akind1]

I think that some of the things Church is for - learning and growth - can happen outside of a church building - can be done online, a Christian moms group, etc. When I was church home-less, what I missed most was fellowship, I can read the bible, sing praise songs, and worship anywhere, with or without others. but there is something powerful and wonderful about doing these things in a group, and it really helps to have a group of good, like minded friends to grow with. It helps me feel grounded.

I do think you should speak with your husband about it, and see if you can find a way to at least fellowship with others that believe like you do, even if you can't attend a church service.

I find it is sort of like doing AP style parenting; it is hard to do on your own, in the midst of people who don't "get" it. But if you have some people - online or IRL - that do "get" it, it makes living and dealilng with your choice to AP a lot easier. I would be lost some days without MDC! my area is not very crunchy.

[lilyka]

first and foremost you ned to be completely honest with your husband and then be willing to listen to him. once that has happened you can decide where to go from there.

I left the faith I grew up in for a still Christian but very different path. the first thing I did once, I decided things had to change, was talk to my husband about it. i went very badly, i am not gonna lie to you. BUt had he loved me it could have gone differently. At the very least it was good to know where I stood and how much turmoil all of this was going to cause.

[The Amber Lily]

Yes, I think online sermons are sufficient at this time for you. I agree about the importance of meeting and being friends with Christians, however due to your circumstances as you've expressed them I think it is also important 'as much as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone'. There are also passages about how if one person in a marriage becomes a Christian, and the nonbeliever will remain married the Christian also ought to remain 'because how do you know, believer, if you may save your husband/wife?" So I think remaining at peace with your family is consistant with your new walk with the Lord, because of your influence. Please see 1st Corinthians 7:12-24.

10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

17 But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches. 18 Was anyone called while circumcised? Let him not become uncircumcised. Was anyone called while uncircumcised? Let him not be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing, but keeping the commandments of God is what matters. 20 Let each one remain in the same calling in which he was called. 21 Were you called while a slave? Do not be concerned about it; but if you can be made free, rather use it. 22 For he who is called in the Lord while a slave is the Lord’s freedman. Likewise he who is called while free is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. 24 Brethren, let each one remain with God in that state in which he was called."


Yes, the Bible also says other things about forsaking family for the sake of Jesus and his call to a person, but I think these words need to taken very cautiously and seriously. Perhaps if you are not allowed to read the Bible at all, if your family was involved in clearly evil things, those things would be cause for considering parting with your family.

Otherwise, your private study and walk with the Lord, meeting causually with Christian friends, and your gentle and quiet life lived out in kindness and service to your husband and son I think are very valuable before God. (See 1st Peter 3:1-4) Also, your prayer for them and your prayer to God as to how to conduct yourself amongst them.

James 5:16 The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

[mi_amor]

Thank you so much for all your support and ideas. I would love to be part of a community, so I believe an online one would work well at the moment.

I have told my husband I no longer believe this particular branch of Christian faith anymore, and he was very upset. At the moment, he feels torn between me and the religion.

We don't believe in divorce, so even if I was shunned, he would still be married to me and could talk to me.

Unfortunately, going into another Church would be grounds to remove me from the congregation and I would be shunned by everyone, including his family. And if my son was to still be a follower when he left home, he would have to shun me as well. If he was caught talking to me, he could be removed as well.

It would be a lot easier if I stayed in my current faith, but it doesn't ring true anymore. Listening to online sermons or reading from a different Bible translation gives me a feeling I've never experienced before. I feel at peace and like I have the love of Jesus in my heart, something I never knew was possible. I feel alive!!!

[binxsmom]

Originally Posted by mi_amor

Listening to online sermons or reading from a different Bible translation gives me a feeling I've never experienced before. I feel at peace and like I have the love of Jesus in my heart, something I never knew was possible. I feel alive!!!

awesome!! continue to pray for the Truth to be revealed to everyone, you, your dh and ds.

[lilyka]

then now you must continue to pray feverntly that the scales would fall off your husbands eyes and that would God would lead you in all truth. Really if you love your husband, then you want to drag him along with you That is totally worth being patient for. My friend, after m,uch prayer and study decided she must leave the faith she had grown up with. Her husband was not on board with her conversion at all (she converted to the same church I did around the same time with the love and prayers of the same people ). Not only was he ademently opposed to the doctrine and theology he had no intention of leaving behind his church. He loved it. And it was tied to his income. He forbid her to have anything that even remotely hinted at her new style of worship and of course any association with people from this church was discouraged but not forbidden. And she quietly submitted with dignity. Then one day, something struck her and she started praying NON STOP. Seriously, every inhale and every exhale. with the exeption of a few hours of sleep each night. She prayed over her husband while he was sleeping, when his back was turned, while they were holding hands. And after about a week, he snapped. all of a sudden he was interested. So all of us started praying like a bunch of lunatics. within another couple of weeks he was ALL IN. not just considering it but ready to join the church. She not only had to freedom to do as she felt called but her whole family was joining the church in short order. It is such a testimony of what a praying wife can do to save her family. I know several other women, who through their prayers have brought their families into the church. One you girl set out on her own and soon her Dad will be joining the church and the most likely her mom and little sister. These strong women are not just wives. But so many women who love their families and wish to see the loved ones step out of darkness of heresies and into the light of truth. I will be praying for you and your husband. Any church that commands shunning family sounds iffy to me.

[Grace and Granola]

Originally Posted by mi_amor

Thank you so much for all your support and ideas. I would love to be part of a community, so I believe an online one would work well at the moment.

I have told my husband I no longer believe this particular branch of Christian faith anymore, and he was very upset. At the moment, he feels torn between me and the religion.

We don't believe in divorce, so even if I was shunned, he would still be married to me and could talk to me.

Unfortunately, going into another Church would be grounds to remove me from the congregation and I would be shunned by everyone, including his family. And if my son was to still be a follower when he left home, he would have to shun me as well. If he was caught talking to me, he could be removed as well.

It would be a lot easier if I stayed in my current faith, but it doesn't ring true anymore. Listening to online sermons or reading from a different Bible translation gives me a feeling I've never experienced before. I feel at peace and like I have the love of Jesus in my heart, something I never knew was possible. I feel alive!!!

How wonderful! I would do whatever you can to support your spiritual life and new spiritual growth. What about a MOPS group? It's really just a moms playgroup with a christian background, would that work? I really feel for you, this is a difficult situation. You really are now on a mission field of sorts, aren't you? You and your family will be in my prayers.