Behavior issues: Mama doesn't know what to do.

[Cisne]

Background:
DS is newly eight. DX: ADD, SID and possible Aspie. He was adopted at birth.

The issue:
DS doesn't seem to think that the rules apply to him. He doesn't think that he needs to listen to me or that rules apply to him. When I ask him to do something he refuses and when I follow through with a punishment for not listening he hits, screams, kicks, bites, etc. At eight he is 5'3 and 170 lbs. It hurts emotionally and physically when he acts out. His grades in school have dropped. He also damages stuff: he just cut holes in his bedspread and new sheets, colors on stuff (this happens in the middle of the night), and can't seem to understand that you don't dump the entire bottle of shampoo or soap when bathing. The peds don't know what to do (he's on concerta), we've seen a developmental ped. who says that he is just gifted, a child psych. would says that he's just anxious. I'm losing my son and I don't know what to do. Ideas please and thank you!

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Cisne

DS doesn't seem to think that the rules apply to him. He doesn't think that he needs to listen to me or that rules apply to him.

for my sn DD, rules have to make sense to her. Rather than trying to teach him to "obey," I'd pick out one specific thing to work on, and figure out what works for just that one thing.

I follow through with a punishment for not listening he hits, screams, kicks, bites, etc.

neither punishments nor rewards make sense to my DD.

can't seem to understand that you don't dump the entire bottle of shampoo or soap when bathing.

There may be some sensory stuff going on with playing with the products. Would a smaller bottle help? My DD usually uses travel size of shampoo. May be rather than letting him have the whole bottle, you just give him a dixie cup in the right amount. Try a bar of soap instead of liquid soap.

Does he have sleep problems?

Does he have things which he can cut and color?

child psych. would says that he's just anxious.

Is he active with a therapist who works with sn kids? One of the GREAT things about working with a therapist is that, besides them talking the child through stuff, they can help you focus your parenting in ways that will work for your child.

[BetsyNY]

It seems like there's a lot going on with your son.

Forget punishments. They're not working and they're just frustrating everyone. Think about how bad it must feel for your son, to be so out of control all the time. He's not choosing to act that way. He's multiply disabled.

For now, remove everything from his bedroom he could hurt himself with, and anything he could be destructive with. Be sure you explain that it's so he can be safe, not as a punishment.

Is there a child psychiatrist he can see? Concerta may not be the best choice for him if he's anxious.