Originally Posted by yukookoo
he takes no responsibility for actual parenting,
I think you contradict yourself here
|ex: last night i went out to dinner with friends for the first time since dd was born. He took her out for a burrito and ice cream.
|(which happens every morning, he gets up with her takes her potty, while i make breakfast and deal with our 3 dogs)
I don't know, taking her out for ice cream while mom gets time with her friends and getting up with her and getting her to the potty every morning don't sound like he doesn't take responsibility for parenting.
Those are the things about your post that really stuck out at me and make me think that you might want to try to take a more objective look at what he actually does around the house. Maybe try writing out a list of every single chore that you can possibly think of and honestly think to yourself who does it for the most part. Going by these things that stick out at me, I wonder if you might find that your DH does more than you think.
For my house, I am technically not a SAHM anymore. I work part time at a regular job and I am also a self employed photographer. But, my DH works full time and he is in school almost full time, so the time divisions might be the same. And since I work evenings I am the one home with DD all day. Also of note, I have a teen daughter, who has her own chores.
My DH handles all the car work, but what he can't or doesn't have time, my dad is a mechanic so he handles the rest. DH also does ALL the yard work, I simply refuse to touch a mower. At the same time, I do handle the front flower bed, because it's not a flower bed, but my strawberry patch. DH also handles all communication regarding school and financial aid, even though I handle the bills. He cares for the dogs...they are "his" dogs and the cats are "mine" and the girls. He's also the one who cleans the toilets. He also does all his laundry. But really, he also picks up any slack I cannot...if I have to be at work or there's some other schedule conflict, he will "cook" (sort of, this is a bone of contention for us), he puts the baby to bed, for a nap, runs the older dd anywhere etc etc.
My older dd does the dishes and counters, she babysits when DH and I cannot work our working schedules right, she does her own laundry and she does the cat boxes and feeds them. She also takes out the trash, though usually, her and DH often share this, and do it together.
The rest is pretty much mine. I do the bills/finances, I run the girls where they need to go, I run basically all the errands, I do the grocery shopping (and invest a lot of time in couponing for savings, which makes the grocery shopping I do much more involved than he would) I do basically all the cooking (again this is a bone of contention, I work 3 to 5 evenings a week, and am gone specifically over dinner time, yet I have to still come up with a dinner to be ready for them at dinner time most of those evenings, otherwise the stuff DH cooks is CRAP. Anyway...) And, because I am home more hours, it naturally defaults to me that I do most of the basic parenting of the little one regarding diaper changes, getting her for a nap, etc. Also, for the most part, I end up doing the basic picking up, vacuuming, etc.
When DH is home, he does share equally in changing Rae's diaper, getting her dressed, baths etc etc. He is just not home much.