Does the fanciness of a party determine the cost of the gift?

[DevaMajka]

I'm out of the loop on the etiquette of these things. We usually have b-day parties where "your presence is your present" and throw them in our back yard (but I do try really hard to have food that will be enjoyable for everyone).

If a child's b-day party is an expensive one, do you get them a more expensive present? "Expensive" is relative, I guess. I'm talking, the party will cost a few hundred dollars, not $1000, but still.

In that vein, what is a reasonable amount to spend on a 6yo's b-day present?

[ollyoxenfree]

Well, for the birthday of a classmate/teammate/friend I think $20 is reasonable for a gift, maybe $40 if it was a special person or a special birthday. I can't imagine a few hundred dollars, but perhaps I'm in a very different income bracket or culture.

We try to buy or make gifts that are meaningful to the person. Cost isn't really a factor, other than I think it should be reasonable. So the expensive nature of the party wouldn't really play into it. Recent gifts from my dc to their friends - a hand-crafted photo frame with a photo of the birthday girl and dd, a scrapbook with supplies and the first few pages already completed by dd, a compilation CD created by DS including music from his own band, a vintage t-shirt with a favourite cartoon character found in a thrift shop.....

[Drummer's Wife]

I say no - I would spend the same amount on a kid who's party is at a house as I would for a kid who's party is at Disneyland. A closer friend might end up with a more expensive gift than say a random kid from school... but I don't think you have to buy a present based on how much money the parents are paying to throw the party.

ETA: as far as what we would likely spend on a 6 yo's birthday gift? Somewhere between $15-30ish, depending on what my kids wanted to buy them, and what our budget looked like at the time.

[pauletoy]

We spend only what we can afford regardless. It is usually $20 sometimes we can only afford $10.

[zinemama]

I don't spend more than $10 for a kid we don't know well (one of those situations where someone invites the whole class). We might spend more for a close friend.

And no, the degree of money spent on the party has nothing to do with how much I shell out for a gift.

[Cascadian]

Nope. We have a $20 limit, and I tend to shop toy sales (and end up getting multiple things, even, to add up to $20).

I think that it's morally offensive to give more expensive or better presents to a family who can afford a more expensive party venue (caters to the whole: 'if you're rich, you're better and somehow intrinsically deserve better' thinking). Of course, that's just me.

If someone could only afford a 'cheap' party place, I wouldn't go out to the dollar store and think that they didn't deserve anything more, KWIM?

[DevaMajka]

Makes lots of sense! I never thought of the converse idea, which would be cheap parties=cheap gift. Of course that would be ridiculous! lol.
Ds1 and I adore homemade things and anything that people put thought into.

This family is better off than we are, so probably would run in different circles, iykwim. I was hoping I wasn't missing something.

eta- as it is, dp ended up getting the gift. I'm sure he bought whatever he would have bought, regardless of the party cost.

[Cascadian]

Handmade stuff is the BEST BEST BEST!!!! I *love* it when someone puts time and thought into that

[Tigerchild]

Nope, we consider the child, not the venue. I allow my kids to buy the gifts, and give them a budget (I have an 8 year old and two almost-7-year olds though). My kids (at this point anyway) are generally clueless as to how much the parental cost was for the party.

[Linda on the move]

no relation between cost of party and cost of gift.

Around here, middle school gifts are usually in the $15 - $25 unless is it a best friend present. Gift cards and cash are common. Cards are usually home made.

I would take a gift to a party, though, unless otherwise specified.

[Polliwog]

I learned on another board that in some areas you are "expected" to bring a gift that's about equal to the amount spent for the child to attend. I've never lived in a place that had that expectation and honestly, I dislike the custom (even for weddings.)

We give what we think the birthday child would like and what we can afford. Usually ends up being around $20.

[Joyster]

It's funny, with our closest friends, the birthdays are usually all in the fall/winter. We all go to the same giant toy sale to get birthday/xmas gifts. For the past two years I've gone with my friend and we've sat and talked about which gifts we were going to get the kids and nothing (even for our closest friends) is above $20.00. But the gifts are thoughtful and the kids end up loving them as they appeal to their interests.

I can't see myself going much above $40.00 at the most for a kid's birthday and that would have to be an exceptional gift that I couldn't possibly get for any cheaper and I knew the kid would be head over heels in love. But on average it's about $20.00.

[One_Girl]

I spend around $10 and try to encourage my dd to keep it closer to $5 with a stuffed animal or something. I base what we spend off of what I can afford. My friend does really pricey parties and she never cares about the gifts her son gets, she does it because she feels like she needs to give him parties in places he frequents often.

[cedoreilly]

$10-15 (leaning towards the $10 end) is about what I usually spend no matter what the party is like. I try to focus on help my kids get something that the birthday kid would really, really like instead of what was cheapest. My DD recently spent less than $10 on a present for one of her really good friends. It was a stuffed Whale ($5 at Kohls. The girl was really into whales) and a book which they had talked about at a playdate which my DD had told her she had to read. The girl was more thrilled with that than some of the more expensive gifts she got.

[leighi123]

I cant afford to buy gifts for parties (even $10), BUT I always make something for the child, usually something that goes along with what I know they like.

[NicaG]

We had ds's birthday party at the local YMCA. It was a pool party, and then we supplied the food and decorations after the kids swam. It's not the priciest venue in town, but it costs more than a party at home. Honestly, I didn't really expect anything in terms of presents. The norm in ds's class at school is about $15-$25 for presents, and we've given plenty of presents at other parties. We got some very nice presents, and I was overwhelmed by the generosity of the families we invited. If someone had given ds a $5 present, we would have been perfectly happy with that too. Personally, I understand that people have budgets, and I would never expect anyone to stretch beyond their means. We were just happy to see everyone at the party, and the presents were a bonus, not an expectation. If it matters, ds just turned 5.

[eepster]

The present should be unrelated to the cost of the party. A gift is a thing given freely out of generosity, not an admission ticket. Polite people invite others to parties b/c they wish to celebrate a joyous occasion with those people, not to collect gifts.

The cost of the party is based on the host families budget and the venues that are available and of interest. The cost of the present given is based on the attending families budget and what they think the host child would like. Since there is no direct relationship between the host families budget and the attending families budget there should be no direct relationship between the party cost and gift cost.

[lilyka]

I never ever consider the venue when buying a gift.

for a six year old i would spend $10 to $15

[peaceful_mama]

I spend what we can afford. last year when my kids went to a party for 3 siblings, they got less-expensive gifts because we had to buy 3. DS spent a little more (but not much) on his good friend's b-day a month or so ago.

For now, we've found what I consider acceptable presents for under $10. I will eventually consider a little more for good friends--when the kids have more of an opinion on what they would like (i.e. if my dd for example had a friend who was way into My Little Ponies and wanted to get her a specific one of the sets that I've seen for around $15. that example comes to mind because she is into MLP and has a friend who is *way* into them--child of a good family friend, I would spend that because of who they are to us--practicially family.)

I agree, random "invite the whole class" party for a kid mine barely knows, never been over for a playdate, stuff like that, is going to get a cheaper, but still fun, present. (if you have to give me a list of ideas of things you would like because I don't know you that well....I'm going to pick a less-expensive option off your list.)

i like the idea of helping them stick to a budget, in part because we *have* to but also in part because it encourages some creative thinking.

[Linda on the move]

I think a handmade present is WONDERFUL!

We throw kinda of expensive parties because we can and we enjoy it. I do everything I can to make the party FUN for all the kids. The party is sooo not about the gifts. The gifts are fun, but the point of the party is for ALL the kids to have a good time.

I really enjoy appreciate my DDs' friends and am grateful that my kids have friends to celebrate with them. DDs enjoy their gifts, but they enjoy the friendships more.