This is mostly a vent, as I realize this is something I will probably always struggle with, unless by some miracle my extended family loosens up.
DS1 is the 49th great grandchild in my DH's mother's clan. DS2 is will be the 53rd. So this is a LARGE family. We are also a pretty close family, and especially in the summer, we have regular get togethers with close to 100 people. There is a wide variety of people in our family. But one thing everyone seems to have in common is helicopter uber safe parenting. Except DH and I. We are VERY free range with DS1, and will continue that with DS2.
The problem comes when extended family members, also parents themselves, try to inforce their boundries/rules/paranoia on my son. Even at his young age of 2, he knows his own boundries, and the sudden onset of much stricter stipulations stresses him out. For example, we had a beach party on Saturday. It was held at a beach we take DS1 too frequently. I set up camp in the shade, which is a little ways from the shore line. DS1 is "allowed" to play at the shore, venture into the water when he's hot, climb to the top of the beach to collect shells and rocks, whatever. He knows how far he can go and still be in my sight, and he really doesn't test those limits. He also has his own limits HE has set for himself-for example if there are waves coming in from a passing boat, he won't step a toe in the lake.
Other family members seemed to have a huge problem with this. One Aunt insisted on following him around, which frustrated DS1, as she was cramping his style. I said, He's fine, let him roam, and she made a rude comment about mother's who don't supervise their children.
Another Aunt took away his snack "because there is sand in it!!!" Gasp, the horror!!! The poor kid had a total meltdown while I argued with the Aunt that it was indeed ok with me that he continue to eat his snack, despite the sand. (Seriously, he's covered in sand, the beach is covered in sand, how in the heck do you keep that from happening!) Various cousins were being hollered at constantly for various infractions ranging from playing with drift wood to a 14 year old who want to wade in ankle deep water without his life jacket. DS1 is not used to this. He was constantly thinking he was being hollered at.
I try and handle this the best way I know how. I praise him for following our "rules", I let him have his space that he needs (he's a very independent child) and I try and get the other adults to just leave him be. Beyond that, I'm at a loss. I heard many nasty comments being made about me, when people thought I was out of ear shot. Here's the kicker though-the snarks didn't bother me. My child was the best behaved out of the bunch, and I know that's largely due to the fact that he doesn't have 100 rules to remember. He gets to go to the beach and have fun and be a kid, and with both benefit greatly from it.
DS1 is the 49th great grandchild in my DH's mother's clan. DS2 is will be the 53rd. So this is a LARGE family. We are also a pretty close family, and especially in the summer, we have regular get togethers with close to 100 people. There is a wide variety of people in our family. But one thing everyone seems to have in common is helicopter uber safe parenting. Except DH and I. We are VERY free range with DS1, and will continue that with DS2.
The problem comes when extended family members, also parents themselves, try to inforce their boundries/rules/paranoia on my son. Even at his young age of 2, he knows his own boundries, and the sudden onset of much stricter stipulations stresses him out. For example, we had a beach party on Saturday. It was held at a beach we take DS1 too frequently. I set up camp in the shade, which is a little ways from the shore line. DS1 is "allowed" to play at the shore, venture into the water when he's hot, climb to the top of the beach to collect shells and rocks, whatever. He knows how far he can go and still be in my sight, and he really doesn't test those limits. He also has his own limits HE has set for himself-for example if there are waves coming in from a passing boat, he won't step a toe in the lake.
Other family members seemed to have a huge problem with this. One Aunt insisted on following him around, which frustrated DS1, as she was cramping his style. I said, He's fine, let him roam, and she made a rude comment about mother's who don't supervise their children.
Another Aunt took away his snack "because there is sand in it!!!" Gasp, the horror!!! The poor kid had a total meltdown while I argued with the Aunt that it was indeed ok with me that he continue to eat his snack, despite the sand. (Seriously, he's covered in sand, the beach is covered in sand, how in the heck do you keep that from happening!) Various cousins were being hollered at constantly for various infractions ranging from playing with drift wood to a 14 year old who want to wade in ankle deep water without his life jacket. DS1 is not used to this. He was constantly thinking he was being hollered at.I try and handle this the best way I know how. I praise him for following our "rules", I let him have his space that he needs (he's a very independent child) and I try and get the other adults to just leave him be. Beyond that, I'm at a loss. I heard many nasty comments being made about me, when people thought I was out of ear shot. Here's the kicker though-the snarks didn't bother me. My child was the best behaved out of the bunch, and I know that's largely due to the fact that he doesn't have 100 rules to remember. He gets to go to the beach and have fun and be a kid, and with both benefit greatly from it.
) She almost blew a gasket when I stripped DD to her diaper so she could play with the water fountain, though. 
