So.

[Ceinwen]

Advice needed. Also part vent.

My kids came home from a weekend with their dad.

1) Sunburned (they are ages 7 & 2)

and

2) My seven year old informed me that her dad took away the two year old's soother as a threat to get her to sleep and that he told her (I quote) that 'Crying will make her tired and fall asleep faster'.

He denies neither. He states that they were wearing sunscreen & hats (which I believe) but I specifically asked him to keep them away from the noon-day sun at the beach because they haven't been exposed to much sun yet (it's only May in northern Ontario) and it was 35C here this weekend.

They were there from 10AM until 4PM - peak sun time.

As for the crying/soother issue - he states that it worked. Taking away her soother and making her cry, made her go to sleep. That he threatened her 'if you get out of bed again - I'm taking away your suce'.

She's non-verbal and absolutely would not, in any way, understand this.

This is part vent, part plea for advice - do I document? I haven't documented anything in the past year. Do I really want to start a log of every late drop off? Every incident involving the girls? Will this consume my life? I really don't need it to.

Also, I'm not so dumb as to believe a judge is going to care about sunburns and making my two year old cry.

I'm tired. Tired of spending the weekend stressed, tired of my kids eating fast food all weekend and coming home with diarrhea. Tired of them taking a full week to get back to regular sleep patterns.

WTH am I supposed to do? These all seem like little things, but they affect my kids. Also, it's soccer season which means my ex will be here Tuesday/Thursday nights to pick up our seven year old because summer soccer is his thing and he drives her.

I want to tear out my hair.

[josybear]

i wish i had advice, but all i have is a boatload of sympathy. i swear we have the same exes - not actually abusive, just unthinking and negligent. and no one thing is bad enough to warrant action, but it really adds up. and it's exhausting to have to deal with the kids when they've just gotten back from their dad's, with the tantrums and the digestive upsets and the bedtime issues and all that.

[JunipersMom]

In my state -- the judge wouldnt care. A sunburn happens.. hopefully he learns from it and wont let it happen again. He is free to parent how he feels is appropriate - even if it isnt how you would do it. Unless its abusive (and most mainstream parents do cry it out parenting as the norm) the courts wont do anything. Best you can do is ignore and soothe. You can also try and teach your children (not that the other child should step in all the time) how to deal with their father themselves. Its super super tough..
I know where you're coming from and I ache for you and your kids.. but in truth there just isnt anything you can do about it - and it sounds like you arent going to get anywhere by talking to your ex about it either.. I feel your frustration momma.
Rub some aloe and do some extra loving on your babies tonight

[Ceinwen]

Originally Posted by josybear

i wish i had advice, but all i have is a boatload of sympathy. i swear we have the same exes - not actually abusive, just unthinking and negligent. and no one thing is bad enough to warrant action, but it really adds up. and it's exhausting to have to deal with the kids when they've just gotten back from their dad's, with the tantrums and the digestive upsets and the bedtime issues and all that.

Thank you. This is exactly how I feel. God help me, I almost wish something would happen that would mitigate me finally being able to say, 'You know what - this is not okay. What you did is unacceptable' because right now, everything just skirts the line as different 'parenting choices'.

Scaring our toddler so she'll sleep - CIO is the 'norm', so I can't say anything. Letting them get a bad sunburn - 'Oh well, it happens' (not to me it doesn't) and being up with my vomiting seven year old who ate McD*nald's twice yesterday? Who cares.

It just upsets me that he spends 48 hours turning them upside down and then gives them back to me - I'm the one that had to deal with both of them awake and crying from sunburn, the older one throwing up, the younger one hiding her soother and crying in the middle of the night.

So glad it's his 'right' to have them EOW.

[singin'intherain]

[QUOTE=
So glad it's his 'right' to have them EOW. [/QUOTE]

Yes, these are the thoughts that run through your head when you're up in the middle of the night with the "results" of someone's "alternate parenting style"! I'm right in there with you, mama!

[NewDirections]

Ceinwen, I'm so sorry.

My only advice is to document everything. Send your ex an email detailing what happened and that this is not ok. Take pictures of the sunburns and write down all the details that you know about the sunburns and taking away her soother. A judge probably won't care about one incident, but if they can see a pattern of things like this they will. Unfortunately you'll have to wait for more incidents to make your case. I'm so sorry

[JaneS]

Originally Posted by NewDirections

My only advice is to document everything. Send your ex an email detailing what happened and that this is not ok. Take pictures of the sunburns and write down all the details that you know about the sunburns and taking away her soother. A judge probably won't care about one incident, but if they can see a pattern of things like this they will. Unfortunately you'll have to wait for more incidents to make your case. I'm so sorry

 

Edited by JaneS - 7/14/11 at 4:57pm

[One_Girl]

None of that sounds like it goes against any laws, though the late drop offs may violate the terms of the divorce decree so you could get him in trouble for that. Documenting how sick they get after eating at his house may help him decide to stop feeding them all junk food. Have you told him that they throw up every time they eat there. If you tell him he should consider eating at another McDonald's when he has the kids he may be more open to looking at the effect of the food on the kids than he is when you try to dictate what he needs to do during his parenting time, especially if he is looking to build his own relationship with his kids on his terms.