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I'm sad...I feel like I am failing at GD - Page 2

post #21 of 24
I totally agree with the PP that going outside is such a good remedy!

I think you've received some really great, helpful advice. However, after reading some of the posts, I notice that some of what upsets you may not bother the next mom at all. We are all different in what bothers us and the levels of behavior we are willing to live with (e.g., my toddler feeding the dog really bothered me...stinky gas all night from the dog was not something I wanted to live with). For me, the key was to recognize that it is okay if I am a type A when it comes to my kid feeding the dog or walking around with food (and therefore crumbs) that will exacerbate our ant problem. These might seem so silly to most moms, but they are important to me. So, pick your battles, let go of some other things, and then implement some of the many helpful techniques the previous posters outlined earlier.

A few things I have found helpful:

--Try to smile when your child triggers you. I know it sounds crazy, but when I stop and react by smiling before I do anything else, it's amazing how much better I am able to deliver my message because it is actually hard to get really angry when you are smiling. The smile starts off as a little fake, with gritted teeth, but in no time at all, it becomes genuine. And then the discipline message is so much more gently delivered and the child is usually happier to accept it.

--This sounds really silly, but when my dd was that age, singing discipline was helpful. For example, I would make up a little tune to: "Oh, you're throwing food at the dog now. It makes the doggy's tummy hurt when she eats people food. Let's keep our food on our plates instead. Lalalalalalala." If you are singing, it's hard to get mad and children love music.

One last thing, people recommended such great books, but one that might be helpful is "Playful Parenting"...especially for a mom like me who has some temper issues. It's not realistic to be playful all the time, so be gentle on yourself when your temper gets the better of you. You've got a lot on your plate! Hugs!
post #22 of 24
I would also recommend the book "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline." As it talks a lot about how you need to practice calming yourself down and demonstrating acceptable behavior before it's really all that reasonable to expect it from a toddler with even less self-control. Plus it's also easier to change yourself which you have some control over rather than a toddlers actions. You can model the behavior yourself for him to learn from, just try to change one small thing at a time and congratulate yourself on improving step by step! Plus hey you've got two kids, this is a really really rough time just keep going day by day.
post #23 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by olien View Post
DS is almost 22mo & I have a 6wk DD.

I read UP, these boards for a while & now reading Raising Our Children/Ourselves. I 'get' the concept of GD, but find it so hard to put it into practice, especially when DH is CONSTANTLY telling me to hit him. It makes me second guess the way I want to parent my DC. Not that I want to hit, but DS's behavior doesnt seem to be improving much & the few times DH has hit DS the behavior stopped immediately - of course out of fear

We start the day out great. Calm & happy. I just dont know what happens to me & DS during the day, but he gets so bad sometimes & I get so angry. I feel so out of control. I hate the way I am parenting him right now & it makes me sad. I yell, have caught myself cursing, saying things like what is wrong with you, grabbed him by the arm & forced him to move locations... all things that I regret... all things I dont want to be doing.

I guess what I am asking of you guys is how do you keep your cool all day long? Do you ever 'lose it' & sway from the GD or am I really out of control. I read these boards & most of you seem to have it so 'together'.

Also I am going to list some of DS's everyday angering behaviors. Can you tell me if they are normal at this age & any tips you may have to deal with them.
-throwing food to the dogs
-not staying seated to eat & wanting to run around with food in hand
-throwing things
-hitting (usually when he doesnt want to do something/anger & now tries to hit his DS)
-climbing onto kit counters/moving chairs to reach things on counters
-pulling all of our books off of the shelves
-laying down 1/2 way up stairs & not wanting to move
-hitting/pinching/pulling at dogs

At this age how long do you stick with trying to redirect & correct behavior before you see a change?? DH thinks you only should have to tell him a few times & the behavior should stop. I dont agree.

I just want a day where I am able to parent without yelling or getting mad - does such a day exist?????
First off, Big hugs.
We all have our moments when we feel like we are losing control and not doing things the way we want to. I get super angry, I have to walk away and give myself a time out before I attempt to try to correct a behavior. Sometimes I don't always take my own advice, and I end up raising my voice or yelling and then feel so incredibly guilty about it. It's just not worth it. Take a moment to collect yourself if you need it! You will be much more effective this way in correcting a behavior with a clear head. I think the only time I get super upset is when DS (2.5Y) hits or does something hurtful to me or our poor cat. Like just the other day the cat was laying out in the yard and DS runs full charge at the cat with the broom (which i was feeling all spoiled because he was sweeping the porch for me moments before..)and I just keep yelling "no no no! stop!" over and over because I know whats about to happen. He doesn't stop then just hits the cat with the broom. He loses the broom for not using it properly, and for stuff like that I do a time out. If you want to hurt a living thing, then you are in no way entitled to be around them, so he needs to take a moment to himself.

But the same goes for you! Step away and take a breath, collect yourself. Repeat that over and over when you are starting to feel you are losing control.
post #24 of 24
Oh, Mama, big hugs. I'm sure you are bone tired and that makes everything harder. I wanted to ask if your little one is not also acting a little more amped-up than usual, since his world has drastically changed with the arrival of the baby? You talked about thinking about the intent behind some of his actions, and I wonder if taking that into consideration would also be helpful.

I also have a 23 month old (but thankfully at the moment no infant on top of it all! ). She is very high energy and wild. I find I simply HAVE to get her out of the house. As much as possible! It can be as simple as a walk thru the neighborhood to look for cats, or flowers, or stones, or birds, whatever!

Other posters have made great suggestions. I just have a couple more to add/reiterate.

We, too, have animals - 2 elderly cats and a big, tolerant, gentle labrador. I am sure I have said at least 3600 times (no exaggeration), "gentle touches, please" and modeled what a gentle touch is for animals. I remember with my older DD it was the same thing. Over and over and over and over and over . . . and then finally, one glorious day, it sticks. Be patient - it *will* come.

I laughed at the lying on the stairs. My Dd does that, too. I had an image of your going upstairs with the infant for a diaper change or nursing or something, and not wanting to stop and wait on the stairs. Perhaps the idea of leaving your DS on the stairs presents a safety issue for you, or perhaps you are in the midst of caring for a need of your newborn and just don't feel you have the time to dawdle on the stairs. In any event, think of your DS' perspective. He wants to have fun, attention, whatever. When my Dd does this I just tickle her and yell, "I'm gonna catch you!" (Or poke you, or tickle you, or chase you - whatever.) This usually gets her squealing with excitement and up and moving up the rest of the stairs. Same with clothing changes - she runs away from me and refuses to let me change her. I want to pull my hair out in frustration, esp if I'm in a hurry, but if I indulge her and chase her a bit, yelling that I'm going to catch her, it makes the whole thing easier when I actually do catch her and dress her. Keeping your sense of humor and thinking about what your DS is trying to accomplish, I think, will contribute to making things easier.

One final point - please go gentle on yourself. The spacing between my 2 kiddos is pretty big and I don't know how mamas with little ones close together escape with their sanity. Hang in there!
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