Your Advice Please

[Jyotsna]

My son participates in Boy Scouts. There have been several times this year that my son went on camping trips that occurred during my son's parenting time with his dad.

His dad doesn't want to "lose time with our son" (ex's words) and wants me to give up time so my son can attend these camping trips and activites. I have never given him any time for camping trips. I feel that there will be a certain amount of parenting time we will miss because my son is a teenager now, and is getting more active.

He's driving me crazy with this, and also demanding from my son that he gets "time back" for losing parenting time.

Basically he is also not allowing my son and dd1 to be with us on family vacations, for funerals, marriages, the kids cousins birthdays, and more. They have missed so much that they are getting resentful.

My son is told that he can't go to camping trips and at the last minute he will let him go...and even one time I was dropping my son at with my ex because he told my son he couldn't go, and so my son had NOTHING with him, no backpack, no clothing, toothbrush ect, then he dropped him off for the camping trip. The troop leader sent a kid home who lived nearby, and this kid went through his own drawers and equipment so that my son could go.

Okay, I think I am getting off track, but I wonder if anyone else is dealing with ex's wanting to get parenting time back when the child is on a scout trip, or school trip during the ex's parenting time.

Thanks.

[NolaRiordan]

We had a similar issue although we dealt with it in mediation before the divorce. X wanted "make up parenting time" for extra curriculars that occur on his time. In mediation he said I would schedule all kind of extra curriculars on his time and so he wanted to make sure he got the time back. I just want my kids to be able to particulate in things that they enjoy. In the end I agreed. So now when they have something on his time he supposedly is keeping track. But guess what? He never actually takes the "make up time." As usual it was all about the control and the idea that I was getting something he wasn't. One time in the past 18 months he asked for my DD to come over to his house for dinner for a couple hours of make up time. But that's it. So you might try agreeing with this and see what happens, especially if your son really wants to participate in Scouts.

[singin'intherain]

Don't quote me on this, but I believe that he is supposed to facilitate the kids' activities that fall on his parenting time. Parenting involves ferrying kids to scout camp and important occasions, after all. He has a right to say no to things, but he can't just expect the kids to put their lives in suspension when they go to his house. I think you could/should take this one to mediation or the court if at all possible.

This guy sounds like a real uav who crosses the line in many ways. Do you document what's going on? His behavior is definitely not normal and it's not going to look good in court.