Is it rude to let my kids play in the neighbour's yard? - Page 3

[CarrieMF]

I have a couple of times already but can't shake a niggling feeling

You answered your own question. You don't feel right about it, I'd only play on it when they're around for you to ask.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by MoreThanApplesauce

i personally think it is very rude to trespass especially if you weren't really involved in eachother's lives before the swing set went up.

If the neighbor's eldest child is about to turn 2, maybe inviting the OP's kids to use the swing set was an attempt to start giving the kids a chance to spend some time together.

I find it really weird that this thread is divided between "no don't do it ever" and "maybe, you should ask your neighbors."

[EviesMom]

On the health insurance company thing... well, this is why many people have homeowners and liability insurance.

If you're in a situation where you have an injury that doesn't *require* major care, or if your insurance company is a good one that doesn't try to get out of everything, then it's bad form IMO to sue when your neighbor was being friendly to let you play there. I have heard of people (other than insurance company nonsense) suing for ridiculous things like their child getting injured in normal childhood play on another's property.

[Artichokie]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

If the neighbor's eldest child is about to turn 2, maybe inviting the OP's kids to use the swing set was an attempt to start giving the kids a chance to spend some time together.

I find it really weird that this thread is divided between "no don't do it ever" and "maybe, you should ask your neighbors."

Yes, but that is not occurring if the op is going over there when the neighbors aren't outside and/or not even home. As I read it, she isn't describing a situation in which the neighbors are outside or even in which she knocks on their door asking if the kids can play together. That is not in any way giving the kids a chance to play together.

[phathui5]

I would feel weird playing in our neighbor's yard if they weren't home, even if they had said it was ok.

What I would probably do is try to make more of an effort to hang out with the other mom and to let the kids play together.

[cschick]

Originally Posted by EviesMom

On the health insurance company thing... well, this is why many people have homeowners and liability insurance.

If you're in a situation where you have an injury that doesn't *require* major care, or if your insurance company is a good one that doesn't try to get out of everything, then it's bad form IMO to sue when your neighbor was being friendly to let you play there. I have heard of people (other than insurance company nonsense) suing for ridiculous things like their child getting injured in normal childhood play on another's property.

Right. But that's why saying "well, as long as you're not going to sue or something if your kid gets hurt" is kind of nonsense. Getting sued--whether by your neighbor directly or your neighbor's insurance company, is part of life and part of why you have homeowner's insurance. In some states, you wouldn't even be aware of whether it was your neighbor or their insurance company suing you (without talking to your neighbor directly and actually believing them), because the "in their name" literally means "in their name"--even if the insurance company is the one suing, sometimes/in some states the court documents are going to be filed in the name of the insured and may not even have the insurance company's name on them.

That's why I have to laugh when you see insurance companies on the side of tort reform--they're driving a lot of the approaching-on-nonsense lawsuits to begin with. But they are allowed to hide that it is them, in some places.

I let kids in in my yard. If they get hurt, I understand there's a decent chance there's going to be some type of claim or suit against my homeowner's insurance. That's part of life, in the US, today. But some people haven't accepted that is part of life . . . only let your kids play there, if you're willing to accept that your kid getting injured there may result in some sort of neighborly grudge.

[TulsiLeaf]

well, i figure this.


Do you want to be friends, or just use the swing set?

[Owen'nZoe]

We have a similar situation, only our neighbor does not have children. She has a playset in her backyard for her grandchildren, whom she used to care for during the day, but who are seldom there now. She's told my children they can use the set whenever they want. We've spoken to her about putting limits on when and how often, but she was hesitant to do so.

Instead, I've told the children that they may go over once a week max, and we've had great talks about not wearing out our welcome. I have them bring her a fresh bouquet of flowers every once in a while from the yard as a thank you. And I've told the neighbor to please feel free to ask them to leave if they're making too much noise or she just doesn't want them there, that we'd totally understand.

So far, it is working out well. I think with good communication, it's a great arrangement. We do have a sandbox that I've offered up to her grandkids, as well, but to my knowledge, they've only come over when we're out in the yard.

[chel]

i've lived in places where is wasn't a big deal.
one person has a neighbor that had grandparents living next door. the playground in their backyard was available for the neighborhood kids.

at my last home, we had no fences and while we both had a playset, mine was very basic. i also had a concrete basketball pad.
while i would never let my dd play on their stuff, more that i wanted to be able to see my dd at all times. while my dd was at school the neighbours were more than welcomed to play. they would often use the concrete pad to bike or chalk on.

my biggest issue would be respecting meal and nap times.

as for age differences, my dd was 8 and the other family was 5 and 2. so even a large age gap can still be friends

[new2this]

I am not sure I really understand what the problem is. They already said you could use it right? So ask again to see if the offer still stands and be done with it.

Open yards, swing set just being a swing set all are moot points. It is someone else property and unless I invited someone to use our stuff whenever then no I would not like them using it.

I understand the insurance thing and all as well.

[biophdmom]

Originally Posted by Owen'nZoe

We have a similar situation, only our neighbor does not have children. She has a playset in her backyard for her grandchildren, whom she used to care for during the day, but who are seldom there now. She's told my children they can use the set whenever they want. We've spoken to her about putting limits on when and how often, but she was hesitant to do so.

Instead, I've told the children that they may go over once a week max, and we've had great talks about not wearing out our welcome. I have them bring her a fresh bouquet of flowers every once in a while from the yard as a thank you. And I've told the neighbor to please feel free to ask them to leave if they're making too much noise or she just doesn't want them there, that we'd totally understand.

So far, it is working out well. I think with good communication, it's a great arrangement. We do have a sandbox that I've offered up to her grandkids, as well, but to my knowledge, they've only come over when we're out in the yard.

this. maybe have a policy of letting them play every 3rd or 4th time you guys think of it. also, definitely check with them to make sure it is okay when they are not home. and maybe return the favor by inviting the two year old to play. their age differences (esp. given you've got the younger one) are not such a big deal. my two year old plays well with many different ages! Have them play hide and seek or tag. i guarantee they'll have fun together!!

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by MoreThanApplesauce

Yes, but that is not occurring if the op is going over there when the neighbors aren't outside and/or not even home. As I read it, she isn't describing a situation in which the neighbors are outside or even in which she knocks on their door asking if the kids can play together. That is not in any way giving the kids a chance to play together.

Right now with a new born in the house that's how things are. Next year, heck next month, things'll be different.

You'll also note that up thread I suggested that the OP offer to watch the 2 year old in the yard on occasion. Give the 2 year old more time outside and give the neighbor a chance to take a bit of a break with the new baby.

Talking to the neighbors will go a lot farther towards letting the kids play together than not talking to the neighbors.