"you" time

[red and lulu]

I noticed a thread the other day that asked if you feel like you're slacking when dp/dh is with the kids.... and it made me think of how so many of my sahmama friends (and i) feel like there is no room in the day or week for personal time... you feel so guilty asking for an hour to go to a yoga class or 30 minutes to take a bath, even though dp/dh may get lots of that sorta time by default since they aren't the sahp.

I hear lots of more experienced mamas saying "it's so important to take time for yourself," but it seems impossible. And it seems like it should be important for BOTH parents to have time for themselves....

[demottm]

I have 1 night a week w/friends, 4 hours for roller derby each week, and all the bath time I want. DH gets time too, but not as much.

[broodymama]

Usually whenever we need it we just ask for it. DH plays an online game and will have "ops" he wants to do that take a couple hours, we just make sure it's not at a really bad time. And (when I'm not heavily pregnant) I take a karate class two nights a week that is also part of my "me" time. When I start back again post-baby I'll start taking my 5 year old DS to the class with me, but that'll still be recharging time for me.

Occasionally I'll take off to Barnes and Noble for a few hours also, that's one of my favorite getaways. DH is into photography and will go off and shoot photos for a day.

[Jaxinator]

My husband gets about 30 minutes of alone time almost every night. Mine isn't always daily, but I get to go out and be with friends more than he does. I don't think he minds, after being at work all week (which consists of all of his friends anyway) he wants to be home, and after I'm in the house all week I want to get out. Works out rather nicely. Neither one of us really has issue with the other going out, in fact, we'll offer it to each other.

[coffee.caugh]

I want "me" time very badly but I cannot shake the guilt of a close-to-2 year old toddler at home who I could be making happy instead. What age did/do/would you feel less guilty going out for a bit?

[ledzepplon]

Originally Posted by coffee.caugh

I want "me" time very badly but I cannot shake the guilt of a close-to-2 year old toddler at home who I could be making happy instead. What age did/do/would you feel less guilty going out for a bit?

If dh is the one watching the kids and I know I'm not going to need to nurse someone right away, I don't feel guilty leaving for an hour or so. When the littlest can eat solids, that time increases a little--maybe three hours. UNder normal circumstances I don't think you should feel guilty about leaving a two year old for an afternoon once in a while with someone they know and love.

[fruitfulmomma]

I voted "other". If bath time is "me time", then yeah I guess, although I frequently have toddlers wandering in to check on me. DH games with his friends once a week, otherwise he does online gaming, mostly at night when the kids and I are asleep. He is not the type to go out after work with the guys or anything like that. I am sure he would be glad to give me more time by myself if I asked but I feel to busy and don't know what I'd do anyway.

[Mummoth]

I chose the "When either of us needs it..." option because it's closest to what we have. SO has a regular game night with some guys on Saturdays and I don't have any scheduled time, but I get time whenever I want, or close to it.

[Katie T]

Dh gets lots of me time as he like to work on cars and we don't have the space so he borrows his friends shop, he does this a couple times most weeks. I am usually ok with this as I enjoy some time alone.

I have my me time in the evening after kids are in bed. I don't like leaving them (am nursing still) and so this is great for now, as they get older and more independent I will probably like to get out just me more though.

[Nicole730]

We both get the time when we ask for it. I probably get more than he does because I like to go out and do stuff with friends and he doesn't (well, he doesn't have many friends here yet).

[mommariffic]

Once DD was old enough, DH encouraged me to get a mothers helper. Over the year I've been working on my writing, and having a few hours a few afternoons a week to myself while DD goes and plays with her "best friends" in the yard, or goes to the park. It's especially great now because at 9 months pregnant & ready to burst, chasing her isn't an option

DH gets free time throughout the day because he works from home, and he stays up late + sleeps in an hour or two extra every morning. Also on the weekends we have one family day where we do something special, and one day where we all relax and he normally takes a bit of time to do whatever he wants

[BetsyS]

Our "me" time doesn't look very traditional, but it works for us.

I have a quiet time during the middle of the day in which most folks nap, and if you don't nap, you have to read for an hour or two. That's much needed down time for me.

On the weekends, I frequently will go to the grocery store/errands by myself, which I enjoy. Or run for a haircut or coffee or whatever.

I probably go to dinner with friends every 2-3 months or so. I do a lot of playdates during the week that aren't me time (we're watching our own children), but they are a needed bit of adult conversation during the day. Since Christmas, I've taken 7 cooking classes that take me away from home for the evening (and are so much fun!) I've really enjoyed that freedom without a tiny nursling.

Dh has an hour commute each way, plus an hour lunch. He doesn't ask for much more than that, though I encourage him to leave and go to the garden center alone, etc. He's just not that interested. I wouldn't mind him doing a night out with friends, but it's not really his style.

[damona]

i said "other" b/c we don't schedule it, and it doeesn't always happen when someone wants it, but it does happen. probably more for him than for me, since he is friends with all his co-workers and they go out for breakfast a couple times a week after work (3rd shift). they also go out in the afternoons some times, plus he drives to the city once a month with a friend and they pay rent (we do everything in cash) and usually go somewhere, while i stay with the kids.

most of my "me" time is after the kids are in bed, but i don't really go out, i just hang around the house, or sometimes, at a neighbours'.

i do get to sleep in some days, depending on how tired dh is, so i guess that's "me" time, and i take a bath in the morning 2 or 3 times a week, for about 20 min. i lock the door and anyone who comes pounding on the door is told to go ask daddy, mommy's off the clock

[dachshund mom]

DH's free time he is usually working on the yard or the cars so I can't complain about that, but it is frustrating to see him coming and going as he pleases. Occasionally on a Sunday afternoon, after DH has been home all weekend doing whatever he wants, I get the urge to get out alone for a couple hours. It can be grocery shopping or running errands or whatever. I get home and feel completely refreshed. It's not scheduled and I just give him a heads up that I'll be going out. I go running some evenings too.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Dh works and when he comes home and hits the couch until he goes to bed that is his "me" time. My "me" time comes when I take a bath after they are in bed. Now that both are in school (on summer break now) I get that time during the day. Before they where in school the "me" time was my bath.

[kmb9906]

Whenever we need or want "me" time, we both run it by the other. We generally try to give at least a day's notice if we're going to be going out. Though we've both gotten calls for something to do that day, and it's fine. We both pull our weight around the house and with DD, and "his" time and "my" time pretty much equal out. His or my time can be in the house, or outside the house. Usually it's outside the house. He'll go play poker with some buddies, or go play paintball for a day. I'll go out with some girlfriends for girls night or just go out grocery shopping by myself! (And perhaps go get some sushi since he doesn't like it while I could eat it by the truckload. )

[tracymom1]

I am a sahm and DH works both from the home and out of an office. We NEEDED to have some boundaries set up for "me" time because we were driving each other crazy!!! He goes to the gym every morning before the kids get up. From 7am-9am I get time to do whatever I need to do (work out, shower, sew, etc...) and then from 9am to 5pm its all me and the kids. He can work from his office at home or remotely - whatever he needs to do. At 5pm I make dinner and he keeps an eye on the kids and then we all eat together around 5:45-6pm.

I don't go out much in the evenings, but when I want to see some girlfriends or something its no big deal. DH is happy to do the bedtime thing on his own. We have to have a schedule in place during the week or else we end up cranky and irritated!

[Alison's Mom]

I picked 'other' because DH plays hockey on average once/week, but I don't usually schedule anything every week. It's more like every 2-3 weeks.

DH also goes out for social dinners with work people, or plays golf with coworkers, plus occasionally goes out with friends (most of his friends live in Toronto, and most of my friends live in Vancouver, where we are).

Unlike him, I'm involved in a couple of non profits and go to meetings 1-2 times a month. Not sure this counts as 'me time', but he has to be home to watch the kids.

He does encourage me to go out more with my girlfriends, though, and I am making more of an effort to make plans now that the kids are older and are totally find with DH putting them to bed.

Apart from hockey and my meetings, we both check with the other before making plans if possible, just to ensure the other person will be home. If it so happens we both need to be somewhere, then my parents usually help out.

It kind of frustrates me when DH complains that I've been out all day on a Saturday when it involves taking DD to ballet class, and then getting groceries in the afternoon. . . .

[JennTheMomma]

I put other. We both get "me" time and we get "us" time. It's not scheduled but we get it every day. My me time is usually after us time when the kids are in bed. I love to read, and I do that after I put the kids down. DH gets me time when the kids are preoccupied as well as myself. I get some me time during the day, like now, because I have a career at home and some of it has to be done on the computer, and I'm waiting for it to load.

[Abraisme]

Originally Posted by coffee.caugh

I want "me" time very badly but I cannot shake the guilt of a close-to-2 year old toddler at home who I could be making happy instead. What age did/do/would you feel less guilty going out for a bit?

I don't feel guilty when I leave my kids home with my DH. It doesn't happen all the often, but when it does I have a nice time and enjoy myself. He's their parent too and can handle taking care of them when I'm gone.