Family dramaz re: breastfeeding past 14 months

[RoseDuperre]

We just got done at DP's parents' for Memorial Day, at which his stepmom regaled me about how the American Dental Association allegedly recommends stopping nursing at 14 months (DD is 25 months and still nursing away) because "it's a proven fact that their secondary teeth come in rotten". See, she knows some dental student - who "scored a 96 on her test", as she kept pointing out, whatever the heck that means - who told her all about this, that it's not about their baby teeth (I explained about the dental caries and how the good bacteria in breastmilk actually helps), but their adult teeth that come in rotten. "It's a proven fact," she repeated thrice.

Can you tell I'm pissed? The whole family dynamic would take a long time to explain, but DP has made it very clear I am not to be confrontational, so my response had to be SOOOOO subdued. I was just boiling over inside. I mentioned the AAP and the WHO's position on breastfeeding (through gritted teeth) and said that I'd have to see what they say in response to that, since it's in direct conflict with their own recommendations, but I had to let it go

SO - do any of you know whether there is ANY truth to this whatsoever? Coming in "rotten"? How in the world would that even happen, when they're buried in the gums?

ARRGGGHHH.

[eclipse]

You don't have to be confrontational to tell someone that a topic is off limits, which is what I would do the next time something like that happens. Aside from that - it's all well and good that your husband doesn't want confrontation - but if I were in your shoes, I'd tell my husband that he could either handle it firmly himself or I would handle it in the way I see fit. I wouldn't be cool with my husband "making it clear that I am not to" do anything - but that's just me.

[PatioGardener]

Up here in Canada, Health Canada recommends breastfeeding until at least 2 years, and only suggest removing the nipple from baby's mouth when they sleep to avoid any possible (if not proven) risk of dental decay.

Interestingly, the ADA says nothing about stopping breastfeeding when they talk about preventing early childhood caries: http://www.ada.org/3109.aspx Perhaps that is because breastfeeding is good? (insert sarcasm at will)

Honestly, I think it may be best for your sanity not to engage with this woman about this issue - which is toxic at best. Bean dip?

[ShwarmaQueen]

No truth to her nonsense. IMHO, it sounds like people who really have issues with extended BFing in general and are just using tooth decay as an excuse to not do it...

[annettemarie]

I don't argue with people like that. Just smile and thank them for their input. If they push, I firmly say "We've done our research and are comfortable with our decisions, thanks!" and move away.

[writteninkursive]

"I wouldn't be cool with my husband "making it clear that I am not to" do anything - but that's just me."



Why the heck can't you be "confrontational" when your DP's family so clearly is? That's a pretty unfair advantage they have over you! Like eclipse said, if he isn't willing to handle it firmly, you have every right to defend your decision to continue breastfeeding your child!

Maybe it's time for a revision on the "rules" of how to handle your DP's family!

[mumkimum]

"Hmmm. . .Nice that you've been trying to learn about breastfeeding"

Personally, I was looking up a lot of dental info out of concern for some issues with dd1's teeth. Never saw anything that suggested stopping bf, only really saw info about the use of more care to keep teeth clean (and absolutely nothing about secondary teeth - that seems a little out there to me). I'm sure that for years before formula, people were going around with rotten teeth just b/c they were breastfed .

[zinemama]

No reason to be confrontational here. No reason to engage at all. This is clearly an "Oh, really? More bean dip?" situation.

[mirlee]

How about this article, http://www.ada.org/3143.aspx?

[kavamamakava]

I'll trump their "dental student" with an actual dentist. There's soooooo much wonderful and scientific information at this site. http://www.brianpalmerdds.com/
Not only does breastfeeding help fight dental caries, it also reduces the likelihood of a person developing sleep apnea or needing braces or having speech impediments.

[KristyDi]

"Oh how interesting. I'll have to check on that. Can you believe this weather we're having?"

Followed by

"Oh you know a dental student? How are they liking dental school. That's great that they're doing so well."

"You know one time when I went to the dentist I had the oddest tech clean my teeth." (proceed with whatever story you can think of to tell about going to the dentist.

Polity refuse to discuss it no matter how many times she brings it up. Keep deflecting and intentionally missing the point. It'll drive her nuts and you can't be accused of being confrontational.

or you could tell your DH that you'll deflect twice, then you'll be polite but direct (ie "Thank you for your concern, but DH and I have made this decision and aren't really looking for any additional input right now") and if he dosen't want that then he needs to jump in and handle it however he sees fit, but you don;t intend to allow yourself to be continually berated at every family function.

[MamaPhD]

Originally Posted by zinemama

No reason to be confrontational here. No reason to engage at all. This is clearly an "Oh, really? More bean dip?" situation.

I think the whole thing about breastfeeding=dental decay thing comes up because of night time nursings (as in after brushing teeth at bedtime) might lead to cavities. This is of course true with any food you eat/drink at night because it sits in your mouth. But somehow it's the boob that gets a bad rep! I always brushed DDs teeth after bedtime nursing and her teeth are fine!

As far as damage to secondary teeth, I think it is true if your baby teeth are in really bad shape, it does affect secondary teeth in the gum even before they erupt.

My feeling is there is some truth (somewhere) to what your IL is saying, but because of the negative dynamics and lack of in depth understanding, it all comes out wrong & sounds really bad. Ii would say you can discuss it further and try to set them straight (like I would with my parents because we are so close) or just plain skip it all together otherwise are two options here.
Good luck!

[lerlerler]

I agree with the above posters..

People being idiots doesn't cause drama... YOUR reaction can though. Just don't let them bait you....

If you CAN'T stand it anymore? DH should either step up or "let you" (blech) firmly say "thanks for the opinion, we are happy with our decision pass the bean dip"

[kavamamakava]

Originally Posted by MamaPhD

I think the whole thing about breastfeeding=dental decay thing comes up because of night time nursings (as in after brushing teeth at bedtime) might lead to cavities. This is of course true with any food you eat/drink at night because it sits in your mouth. But somehow it's the boob that gets a bad rep! I always brushed DDs teeth after bedtime nursing and her teeth are fine!

As far as damage to secondary teeth, I think it is true if your baby teeth are in really bad shape, it does affect secondary teeth in the gum even before they erupt.

My feeling is there is some truth (somewhere) to what your IL is saying, but because of the negative dynamics and lack of in depth understanding, it all comes out wrong & sounds really bad. Ii would say you can discuss it further and try to set them straight (like I would with my parents because we are so close) or just plain skip it all together otherwise are two options here.
Good luck!

From my understanding, breastmilk has antibacterial properties and also contributes to mineralizing teeth. So if there is breastmilk sitting in the mouth, it's busy protecting the teeth, not harming them. See the link I provided earlier in the thread.

[EFmom]

I'd tell them that the subject is not up for discussion. Repeat as needed.

And the day my husband tells me when I can or cannot be confrontational would be the day he has the confrontation from hell.

[Lit Chick]

I find that not engaging people is the best way to go. I rarely have confrontations like that, but I think it's due to my very strong personality. With pregnancy #1, there were lots of people who had questions about our choice to homebirth, skip vax, etc. I always answered the questions. But for people who had comments of the negative type, my response was "we've done our research and this is best for us." I'm sure there's some chat behind my back, but I give off a massive "not open for debate" vibe and it really keeps things in check.

[AislinCarys]

There are two major studies - one American and one - Russian or something? - that show that breastfeeding and dental caries is unrelated.

Earlier this year there was a smaller study or something published from the Umea University's school of dentistry (in Sweden), which shows that there are proteins in breastmilk that protect against dental caries. Cool, isn't it? Apparently these enzymes prevent bacteria from sticking to the teeth.

Here's the study, in English:

http://umu.diva-portal.org/smash/rec...d=diva2:306593

[staceychev]

Originally Posted by AislinCarys

There are two major studies - one American and one - Russian or something? - that show that breastfeeding and dental caries is unrelated.

Earlier this year there was a smaller study or something published from the Umea University's school of dentistry (in Sweden), which shows that there are proteins in breastmilk that protect against dental caries. Cool, isn't it? Apparently these enzymes prevent bacteria from sticking to the teeth.

Here's the study, in English:

http://umu.diva-portal.org/smash/rec...d=diva2:306593

This is interesting, and the idea that breastfeeding doesn't cause cavities makes me feel ever so slightly less guilty about my daughter, who nursed until she was four and had six cavities worked on a couple of months ago.

[smeep]

DS got a few (3 or 4?) carries in his second year. I noticed them at 15 or 16 mos and he had surgery under general anesthesia at 18 mos. When he first was diagnosed, weaning was suggested. I did my research first, and found what PPs have said; it not only does not cause decay but it most likely would have been FAR worse had I not been nursing. This was likely just a genetic predisposition or an unlucky exposure to bad bacteria at a susceptible time (I also was unaware that I should be brushing his teeth that young, oops! I now know better.) That was on my list of questions when searching out a pediatric dentist to fix them ("I'm still nursing, what is your recommendation, if any?"). Unfortunately the best I got was a recommendation to not nurse at night (yeah, right!)...the same woman didn't use mercury fillings, but "not because it causes any harm, because it doesn't." ...oh well, take what I can get, right?

This next one I will start cleaning the teeth as soon as they come in, and make a habit of brushing when they start solids (probably at least 9 months). And regular dental checkups!

[Pirogi]

Originally Posted by RoseDuperre

DP has made it very clear I am not to be confrontational.

Your husband and I would not get along.

And forget about your MIL ...

Sorry you are going through this.