Neighbor screams at his daughter - Page 2

[A&A]

Originally Posted by luv-my-boys

I agree with everyone else on calling CPS however you mentioned that you can actually hear his tirades from outside the home. Honestly the next time I heard one I would be calling the cops to do a *welfare check* due to a disturbance over there because it make take some time even days before CPS actually made it over there. who knows what is actually going on behind closed doors

That's a good idea.

[Oubliette8]

Originally Posted by berry987

Does anyone know how the process works? Is it completely anonymous? If I give the example of the recent tirade I witnessed, will they tell him someone reported that specifically?

It is supposed to be completely anonymous. I've called once and didn't even have to leave my name. I've also had professionals call about members of my extended family, and my family does not know where those reports originated from- even though I've heard they tried to weasel it out of the social worker. I know they have suspicions, but not from anyone at CPS. If you are worried about the specific example, I would simply report that there have been numerous instances similar to that, along with all the other stuff. I doubt they'll relate enough details that he can pin down one particular incident.

I would probably call both CPS AND the police. CPS for the general abuse, and the police whenever you hear him raging. That way if one agency misses it, the other can pick it up- for instance, the cops might just tell him to pipe down but CPS might interview the daughter. Or, CPS might find no evidence, but if the cops arrive in the middle of a domestic disturbance, then the abuse has been witnessed, even if it doesn't leave bruises.

[Mom2M]

I'm so glad you are going to call. I was in this situation as a child and when I was much older, some of the people who lived around there said they were sorry they had never done anything, they were afraid to rock the boat (some were family).
I appreciated that but boy did I wish they had called someone.

It is completely anonymous and at least you know that the whole neighborhood can hear him so he won't know who it was who called.

Take care,

DEb

[homewithtwinsmama]

Call the school, CPS and the police next time she is raging. When she is over ask her if she has a trusted grandparent or relative and ask for their phone number. Once you move, call that person anonymously and tell them what you saw and heard and that someone needs to save that poor girl from being alone with her when her sister leaves. I got a chill reading this. I could just envision the child killing herself once she is left alone in this horrific mess. Do everything, everything you can!

[Linda on the move]

I think it's great that you are going to call.

You only know what he is saying. You don't have any idea what he is doing.

I really wish someone had called about my father.

[RiverTam]

I'd call the school and CPS, but I wouldn't have much hope for CPS doing anything.

Here (in Illinois) unless that kids is seriously injured in a physical way, subject to sexual abuse, or in a "trash house," CPS won't do much. They might offer some parenting classes or recommend therapy for dad, but they're not going to do much beyond that.

The school, on the other hand, has a pre-existing relationship with the girl, and can continue to monitor the situation on a daily basis.

The police will help if there is an immediate disturbance or danger, so keep them in mind, when this guy is disturbing the peace with his rants.

[A&A]

CPS will ask for your name, but you can say "I'd like this to be anonymous" and they will be ok with that.

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by luv-my-boys

I agree with everyone else on calling CPS however you mentioned that you can actually hear his tirades from outside the home. Honestly the next time I heard one I would be calling the cops to do a *welfare check* due to a disturbance over there because it make take some time even days before CPS actually made it over there. who knows what is actually going on behind closed doors

Yes to everyone else's CPS post and yes, call the cops if you can hear it at your house.

And I thought I was the only one with neighbors like this.

The woman behind me goes off on her live-in boyfriend in a way similar to what the OP describes. Once in a while, she is angry/snappy with their little 4 yo but thankfully, nothing like she heaps upon the father. Because I happen to know her family quite well, I did mention that next time I hear a domestic disturbence, I am calling the police. It has been quiet for a while now.

[arihillfarm]

Originally Posted by berry987

We are in the process of selling our house (and being away from this guy is going to be a HUGE relief), and the 13yo is devastated. She loves playing with my kids (kind of like a big sister) and I'm really worried about how she'll do when she doesn't have her older sister there and the little neighbor boys have moved away. She goes to Catholic school in another town and doesn't appear to have friends in the neighborhood. She spends hours outside with my boys every afternoon.

Is there anything I can do? Besides be supportive of her while we live here?

She's the perfect age to babysit for your boys if you know what I mean. Assuming you'll be staying within reasonable driving distance once you move, you may want to "hire" her as a babysitter to get her out of there some evenings and weekends. A good friend of mine growing up was in a similar situation as this girl (except it was severe verbal abuse from her step-mother and her birth mother had died when she was very young) and she ended up sitting for a young family she met through her church through most of middle and high school and even nannied for them during college breaks. She was there more ofthen than she was home and even went on vacations with them. She's still very close to this family and I know they kept her safe and sane during those years until she could get away from her step-mother. You may not be able to pay her much, but it sounds like for a safe, stable and loving environment, she would gladly take whatever you could give her along with your time and an ear to listen. I'm sure not having a mother either is very hard on her, especially as she becomes a teenager.

-Astrid

[Surfacing]

This is an excellent idea.

[berry987]

Originally Posted by arihillfarm

She's the perfect age to babysit for your boys if you know what I mean. Assuming you'll be staying within reasonable driving distance once you move, you may want to "hire" her as a babysitter to get her out of there some evenings and weekends. A good friend of mine growing up was in a similar situation as this girl (except it was severe verbal abuse from her step-mother and her birth mother had died when she was very young) and she ended up sitting for a young family she met through her church through most of middle and high school and even nannied for them during college breaks. She was there more ofthen than she was home and even went on vacations with them. She's still very close to this family and I know they kept her safe and sane during those years until she could get away from her step-mother. You may not be able to pay her much, but it sounds like for a safe, stable and loving environment, she would gladly take whatever you could give her along with your time and an ear to listen. I'm sure not having a mother either is very hard on her, especially as she becomes a teenager.

-Astrid

We're moving out of state, actually -- about 14 hours away. So that won't work.

The other thing I haven't mentioned is that I am a little fearful of the girl, too. Not fearing that she may hurt me, of course, but that she'll "throw me under the bus" so to speak. It's probably somewhat typical of kids in abusive situations, but she is very supportive of her dad. When he has gone off on neighbors, she has been there, egging him on. When he screamed at my DH for our cat she skipped around the front yard, adding things like "Dad, I saw her last week in our yard, sniffing your truck" etc etc. My DH said she had this eerie smirk on her face while she said it. She gets right behind her dad and adds fuel to his fire. I guess she figures it's better to be on his side of the battle.

So I have some reservations about outright telling her that what her dad does is not okay, that she can come to me, etc. I can easily see her getting defensive and telling her dad.

It won't stop me from making an anonymous call, of course. Just...I'm hearing advice about reaching out to her directly and besides giving her my phone and email in our new place in a card, I can't imagine actually approaching her about abuse. She's a sweet kid with my children, but she is her father's daughter.

As I write this I see what a terrible hold her dad has on our neighborhood.