10 mo. old- super clingy, HELP!

[mamilala]

Hi,
My daughter recently started becoming very clingy with me when we are at home. I am home with her full time, and while my day is focused on her, I obviously need to do a few chores where she can't be in my arms (and I can't be crawling with her!) She has gone through phases like this before, but they usually lasted a few days and coincided with teething. No so this time.
I can't leave the room with out her crawling after me fussing. (For example, grabbing a glass of water- I don't want to leave her alone). If I want to wash the dishes or cook, I try to set her up with some toys on the kitchen floor. She plays by herself maybe 3 minutes and then is grabbing my legs and crying. And that's if I'm lucky. Other times, she will just burst into tears when I set her down. She will stop the moment I pick her up, or if I sit down with her. And then, if I am sitting on the floor, she will want to go off and play on her own.
I have always responded to her cries and comforted her right away. The last few days, I have tried trying to calm her with my voice, sing to her for a few minutes, but she goes into hysterics. There is no way I can just let her cry like that, even for 5 minutes!
I feel like at her age she should be able to play independently at my feet, as long as I keep talking to her, for 10-15 min.
How can I show/ teach her that it is ok, that I am not going to abandon her, and that she can be happy for a few minutes on her own? Or maybe I am off base... is she too young? Is this normal?

[odoole]

mine is the exact same way right now, also 10 months (i'm the one who posted the thread about "which baby would your rather have ..." and mine is the type B baby!!!!)

i don't have any advice other than to say that i just plan on riding this out and hope that he'll get better eventually.

it's really bad timing too because i'm about to go back to work after being with him full-time for almost a year. he doesn't even like DH to hold him. it's going to be an EXTREMELY painful transition for the both of us as I return to work.

i will say that he has a single favorite music playlist that he LOVES, and he is pretty happy when that is on, and that can buy me the time to do things like take a shower, empty the dishwasher, and it works WONDERS in the car as well.

ETA: the playlist is all songs that I sing to him all the time -- so if you already sing to your DD, maybe make a playlist for her and she'd respond the same way? if she doesn't, try to introduce the recorded songs to her during meals, car trips, etc.

[EmmaJane]

It could be teething again... DD2 went through a loooooooong bout of extreme clinginess at about 11 months, and it ended when tooth number 4 finally came through.

But I didn't realize that's what it was at the time. She wasn't chewing on things, or drooling -- just really needed to be held ALL THE TIME (and being in a carrier on my back wasn't good enough).

[texaspeach]

sounds pretty typical to me. ds is a month younger and cries if i'm out of sight or too far away for his liking. I put him in a back carry when I need to get stuff done and he isn't content to spend a few minutes alone.

[Blueone]

My son is 10 months and like that. If I go use the bathroom without him he's banging on the door throwing a fit. If I let him in, he's crawling all over my legs (so annoying). If I leave the room momentarily and keep talking to him he's screaming when I get back.

Sometimes he does play independently (doing that right now), but those last a few short minutes, but can go as long as 15. However, if I were to get up right now, it would be ruined and he'd get mad or want to be held, or crawl and pull on my legs etc.

Sometimes he does this before a big developmental milestone (I foresee walking really soon here). He's also been teething off and on.

I just take a deep breath and try to get through the hard parts and remind myself this too will pass in time. It just doesn't feel fast enough sometimes.

[maptome]

DD is 10 months and doing the same thing. This is what I do:

1. Dump a big pile of toys on the floor in front of the sofa.
2. Sit on the sofa and repeatedly hand her a toy, but don't really play with her.
3. After a few minutes, she gets bored of me and crawls towards the pile of toys and plays with them independently.
4. I sneak away to get water or food or go to the bathroom.

It works every time for 10-15 minutes.

I agree that this is a very annoying behavior, especially the not letting us pee thing!

[Hannah'sMommy]

I could have totally written this post! Our 9 month DD has been this same way for the past couple of weeks. And now, she's started adding very frequent night wakings into the mix. I was attributing the night waking thing to teething or possible constipation, but now I'm starting to wonder if its part of the separation anxiety as well. So frustrating! I would love to be able to sleep, especially since both my DH and I work full time. I would also love to be able to go to the bathroom without her freaking out! Good luck, I hope it gets better for you soon!

[Ambishop19]

I'm so glad I'm not alone. My boy is 11 months old today. He learned to walk last week and is getting teeth #5 and 6 right now. I'm waiting for a mei tai in the mail and I hope that will help with his clinginess.

[Hayeser]

no advice, but I'm right there with you. mine started at 9mos old too. she's 10mos old now. I'm not sure about the teething possibility b/c my baby has no teeth yet (maybe they are coming now). I just know that all of the phases seem to pass....it just takes time. hang in there.

[leam811]

us too!

Yes to all...10mo DD is way clingy, and screechy when thwarted or out of my sight whenever we're together (seems to still be ok at daycare). And teething fiercely (she only has two). Wearing her lots, and doing even more than usual with one hand.

Now I don't have to feel lonely anymore while peeing...what a relief.

Good luck to all!

[arualis]

me too

I'm late to this party, but my ten month old has been doing this too. Can't walk in the kitchen, can't put her down (peeing with baby on lap ha, ha, ha), can't go into the other room, etc. etc. It's really wearing on me b/c she cries (real tears) and screeches. I talk to her, sing to her, etc, but she just wants me to hold her. Sometimes the carrier works. Today I went to my best friend's house (she has two kids) and that worked--she was so distracted by them she forgot all about me. I hope this gets better soon!

[NEastMomma]

My DS is 10months too, and I could've written your post just last month!

I too couldn't walk away from him in the same room, even, without his protesting and crying. He didn't want to be held for more than a few moments by anyone else but me (not even DH, whom DS ADORES), couldn't pee alone... nothing.

I actually looked it up in my rarely-used AAP book and here's what it said: "If your child has a strong, healthy attachment to you, her separation anxiety will occur earlier than in other babies, and she'll pass through it more quickly. Instead of resenting her possessiveness during these months, maintain as much warmth and good humor as you can. Through your actions, you're showing her how to express and return love. This is the emotional base she'll rely on in years to come."

This sentiment is surely what many of us here on mothering already have in our hearts, but it helped me immensely to see it in black and white. So I doulbed my resolve to just accept my little cling-on and suddenly... it stopped. Only a couple of weeks ago he just started playing on his own again somewhat. I can now go grab a glass of water, or quickly use the bathroom, or whatever without his protesting and crying. Now I can wash dishes with him at my feet with a toy or two!

Hang in there! You're NOT alone!!!!