Would you have said something?

[Asparagus78]

Please move this if this is not the right forum...

I was grocery shopping over the weekend with both kids, the 3 y-o in the cart and DS2 in the Ergo. I was looking at the pacifiers (long story, see my other post...) when I noticed a very pregnant lady stocking up on formula (it was on sale). She commented on my kids, and mentioned she was due any day with her first. I really wanted to say something about BF, but didn't. I don't know why she was buying formula, but it made me sad. This was not a "in-case-we-really-need-it" stash; she had 3 or 4 cases of the liquid stuff, probably a few weeks' supply.

Thing is, what can you say without coming across as judgmental? Also, I don't know her story... what if she has a reason for not BFing? Regardless what that reason is, if it's an educated decision, it's hers to make, and definitely not mine to criticize. But I guess what made me sad was that perhaps she simply did not know about BFing or she was just doing what all her peers were doing... Would you have said something? If so, what?

[MamaChicken]

"Gosh, even on sell that stuff is really expensive. I was lucky enough to not need it. Breastfeeding worked out really well for us."

[annettemarie]

I absolutely would not give unsolicited advice to a stranger. If she had opened the door, maybe. For example, once I was at Target with a baby and a pregnant lady who was completing her registry asked my opinion about bottles, and I said I never used them and we had a nice conversation about breastfeeding. But I wouldn't just bring it up.

[Birdie B.]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I absolutely would not give unsolicited advice to a stranger. If she had opened the door, maybe. For example, once I was at Target with a baby and a pregnant lady who was completing her registry asked my opinion about bottles, and I said I never used them and we had a nice conversation about breastfeeding. But I wouldn't just bring it up.

This exactly. I know you might want to say something, but unless she asked I would keep my mouth shut!

[mambera]

Yeah, not appropriate to say anything. How would you feel if, for example, she told you she'd had a double mastectomy?

[crunchy_mommy]

I had this same thought this morning when I saw a family with 2 young kids (probably 2 & 4) get in their car with NO CAR SEATS. I freaked out but I didn't know what to say. I don't really know that it's appropriate to say something to a total stranger. She'd probably just feel annoyed that you're butting into her life. I would really resent someone commenting on ANY parenting decision I've made when I'm just out shopping, BUT if you could engage the woman in conversation long enough, you could subtly mention how BF'ing saved you so much money, or tell her you know she's FF but here's the # of a great LC just in case she needs it, or something to that effect. Or my favorite thing to do with people I don't know well is just say, hey there's this great parenting website I visit, MDC, here's the url, it's been a life-saver for me! And hope they actually visit the site & learn...

[Adaline'sMama]

I would have said something after starting a conversation with her about when she was due, where she was having the baby, ect. Then say that the lactation specialist at our hospital was really helpful, giving her the oppurtunity to either shut the door or leave it open for me to continue.

[dakotablue]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

I had this same thought this morning when I saw a family with 2 young kids (probably 2 & 4) get in their car with NO CAR SEATS. I freaked out but I didn't know what to say.

For no car seats, depending on what state you are in it is illegal and life threatening in all states, not a parenting choice, depending on what state you are in. I probably would have noted the license plate and notified local police (but as a foster parent I am required to report any incidents such as that)


For the pregnant lady, honestly I would have congratulated her, ignored the formula and mentioned how much weight I lost by breastfeeding in a aren't we all just girls kinda way.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by dakotablue

For no car seats, depending on what state you are in it is illegal and life threatening in all states, not a parenting choice, depending on what state you are in. I probably would have noted the license plate and notified local police (but as a foster parent I am required to report any incidents such as that)

Hmm I don't know what our state's car seat laws our (I don't pay much attention to things like that) I guess I'll have to check, thanks -- I was really worried about this & not sure how to handle it!

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I absolutely would not give unsolicited advice to a stranger. If she had opened the door, maybe. For example, once I was at Target with a baby and a pregnant lady who was completing her registry asked my opinion about bottles, and I said I never used them and we had a nice conversation about breastfeeding. But I wouldn't just bring it up.

I agree.

[choli]

No. I'd assume that she, like pretty much every pregnant woman in the world, is aware of the concept of breastfeeding, and made an informed choice about what she feels will work best for her family.

[starling&diesel]

To the OP: where abouts in Canada are you? Over here in Vancouver, it'd be weird NOT to breastfeed.

As a rule, I don't give unsolicited advice, but I'm all for striking up a conversation and taking it in that direction, being very sure to keep any judgemental tone out of it, and keeping it super duper light.

I had many helpful, and many unhelpful conversations with mamas in stores when my little one was very small. I took what advice I wanted to take, and left the rest behind in whatever aisle we were hanging out in.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by choli

No. I'd assume that she, like pretty much every pregnant woman in the world, is aware of the concept of breastfeeding, and made an informed choice about what she feels will work best for her family.

While I (as I already said) agree with not saying anything, I'm not really convinced 'every pregnant woman in the world' is aware of & educated regarding BF'ing. I think many are but I think just as many grew up/are surrounded by formula-feeding family & friends & aren't fully aware of BF'ing as a realistic option.

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

While I (as I already said) agree with not saying anything, I'm not really convinced 'every pregnant woman in the world' is aware of & educated regarding BF'ing. I think many are but I think just as many grew up/are surrounded by formula-feeding family & friends & aren't fully aware of BF'ing as a realistic option.

I think in those cases they are going to do it if they really want to. You really can't do anything much for someone who's support network doesn't support breastfeeding. I have seen it all too often.

[annettemarie]

Let's keep in mind that this is the Lactivism forum, though. Obviously, we're all coming at this from the point of view of breastfeeding advocacy.

As I've said, I've had conversations (started by the other mama) about breastfeeding that went really well. I gave her a LLL card and while she didn't come to a meeting, she did call a couple times for help. So I know she at least initiated breastfeeding. I don't think you can underestimate the good that a kind caring word can do. Likewise, you never know the damage you can do if you just jump in with guns blazing.

[VroomieMama]

From my personal experiences, whenever I gave birth, nurses at the hospital would encourage me to breastfeed. So, I'm assuming that nurses at all hospitals would also encourage mothers to breastfeed too. I guess, maybe this mother will have a nurse encouraging her to breastfeed. I asked several of my friends who gave birth if their nurse encouraged them at the hospital and they said "yes."

When I gave birth to my twins last year and I was talking about breastfeeding to a friend who never has a child of her own. She said she thought breastfeeding was a hassle job and that she'd rather to formula feed her child if she ever have one. I told her that I disagree with her because with formula, I'd have to make sure that it doesn't run out, and I'd have to get up in the middle of the night to go to the kitchen to measure the water in the bottle and measure the formula then come back up with two babies that are crying and waiting for their formula then I'm wide awake for few hours. Breast feeding is much easier, all I have to do is to put my babies to my breasts then wait until they're done then go back to sleep.

When I took my family out to a park and the water was not warm enough and one of my babies refused to drink her bottle and I saw other mother breastfeeding her child. I felt envious and saw how easy she have it.

I wish I was stubborn and fought harder to stay breastfeeding my twins.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by VroomieMama

From my personal experiences, whenever I gave birth, nurses at the hospital would encourage me to breastfeed. So, I'm assuming that nurses at all hospitals would also encourage mothers to breastfeed too. I guess, maybe this mother will have a nurse encouraging her to breastfeed. I asked several of my friends who gave birth if their nurse encouraged them at the hospital and they said "yes."

That is great! Unfortunately around here it's not always the case. When I was in the hospital, I was encouraged to formula feed... Had bottles shoved in my face over & over and really had to fight to BF.

I also think a friendly, non-judgmental discussion could go a long way... I know with little support BF is less likely to be successful but my own personal circumstances prove that wrong & I'm sure there are many others who would go on to BF successfully with just proper awareness & education. Of course, stalking the formula aisles for pregnant woman probably won't get me far but I guess the real question is, what ARE the appropriate forums for lactivism? In what situations would we best be able to reach moms, particularly expectant moms?

[SilverFish]

I liked the first poster's idea... "wow, formula is so expensive! i'm sure glad that breastfeeding worked out well for my two." if you hadn't talked at all, i wouldn't have said anything, but since you had a bit of a conversation, it would have been ok... maybe not the most sauve of tpoic changers, but a decent attempt at advocacy.

[Asparagus78]

Thanks. There was no intention to come down on her, but yes, I really feels strongly about BFing, not just as a choice but also as a right for the baby. However, I feel REALLY uncomfortable giving any kind of unsolicited advice. It irks me when others do it to me, and I do not want to make anyone uncomfortable. It bothered me, though, to see this, and I wish there was a way to promote BFing in such circumstances that would not be construed as aggressive. I like to money-saving approach.
As for the comment about nurses and BFing, sadly, if she birth at the same hospital I did, she won't be getting any help. I was offered formula more than once, even though I repeatedly said I was BFing. I'm on the east coast and formula-feeding often seems to be the norm. I don't even fess up to still nursing DS1 (3) anymore because of the strong reactions I get (none positive, let me tell you...). Ugh....

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by Asparagus78

Thanks. There was no intention to come down on her, but yes, I really feels strongly about BFing, not just as a choice but also as a right for the baby. However, I feel REALLY uncomfortable giving any kind of unsolicited advice. It irks me when others do it to me, and I do not want to make anyone uncomfortable. It bothered me, though, to see this, and I wish there was a way to promote BFing in such circumstances that would not be construed as aggressive. I like to money-saving approach.
.

When my first was a newborn and bf was a struggle, the cost of ff WAS a motivating factor.