Help me. I'm just not feeling ok about this pregnancy!

[texmati]

It's getting to the point where my DH is getting upset. My DS is so, so, so very little-- I just feel like I'm taking so much away from him. Mostly nursing but also our limited time and resources.

DS was planned, we wanted to get pregnant that year-- we just didn't expect it would be on the first try-- and he still threw me for a loop. but this is so, so different. I feel awful about this. I feel so guilty and stupid; how could I let this happen?

I'm not the greatest mom by a long shot, but nursing is the best part of my day and my son's day. And he's so little-- he needs his breast milk. I can feel my supply dropping, and nursing is becoming so, so very painful. I'm surfing the web, and I'm reading nothing encouraging.

It also doesn't help that I don't know how far a long I am-- nothing to think about the new baby is a raisin, sesame seed, or whatever. I just feel like if I don't get excited about this baby soon, I'm going to end up resenting it my whole pregnancy.

Any tips or advice or btdt would be so very appreciated-- I don't know anyone IRL who has done this.

[lotus.blossom]

Give yourself some time to get used to the idea of adding a new member to your family. I can tell you whether you do it now or later, its always going to feel different than being pregnant with your first. I don't know how little your guys is, but there are some benefits to having your kiddos close together. There's nearly 3 years between my boys and being pregnant during the "terrible two's" was extremely difficult for me. I felt so guilty about feeling negative about my pregnancy. I had nothing but joy everyday of my first pregnancy, but had a lot of "whoa what have I done" moments with the second. I'm happy to say that #2 didn't suffer for it. He has been the best thing to happen to our little family.

I can't speak for nursing through pregnancy, or tandeming but I have friends who have done it. It is possible. if you can just push through, even if theres not much milk, it will come back in and you should be able to nurse both of them if thats what you desire!

[texmati]

My baby's 8 months old. It just feels like he's too too young for a sibling. I keep telling myself that a middle or youngest will never have undevided attention, and that we never intended to wait more than 3+ years between kids, but there seems to be such a huge difference between 1 something and 2 something.


thank you for the telling me that it's different than the first pregnancy. I was so excited- nervous but excited- with my son, this one i've just been trying to ignore it best I can. I have tried to go shopping, but I can't even think of thing we need that we don't already have. Nothing to celebrate it seems.

[confustication]

I was in your DDC the first time around, and that baby and my middle child are only 14 months apart. I totally understand the guilt, and the breastfeeding challenges (we did manage to continue to nurse though!)

I was overwhelmed with guilt for a very long time, and really wasn't ok with the pregnancy for quite a while either...

Ultimately though- I absolutely love how close the boys are in age. If you look at our DDC thread in life with a babe, you can see some pics of them together. They are now able to interact and have a ball together in a way my first and second (MUCH larger gap) could not.

It's ok to be overwhelmed, and even to grieve the baby/toddlerhood you expected to have with your first. The wonderful thing about surprise pregnancies is that they are months long, so you do have time to get used to the idea.

[proudmomof4]

My children aren't any closer than 32 months - and I sometimes felt guilty about having "too much of a gap" in between. Of course, I've also had bad feelings about my first child (I was still a university student when I had her), and about the fact that my three sons' father is not her biological father.

It's been my impression for quite some time that "we" have gone a bit overboard with the planning of pregnancies. In a way there is no "ideal time" to have a baby. It's putting a lot of pressure on women to fulfill all the requirements for a planned pregnancy. (I'm not saying it's a bad thing to be prepared financially, mentally etc. but a surprise pregnancy doesn't automatically mean that this child will be doomed for life.)

As you seem to be concerned about your BF relationship with your older child I'd like to suggest to you to contact LLL - you'll find quite a lot of women there who have nursed through a pregnancy or have tandem-nursed. I remember some specific information on "nursing while pregnant" in [U]Mothering your nursing toddler[U] by Norma Jane Bumgarner.

So, I wish you all the best for your family and send lots of , especially to you and your children.

[Galatea]

My first two are 18 months apart and it was a great spacing - they are so close and ds1 was too young to be jealous of ds2.

I am pg with #4, not on purpose, and I was very upset about it for awhile - now at 6 months, I am excited, but it did take awhile to get excited. Give yourself time.

[Kivgaen]

I don't know if this thought will comfort you or not... but I have heard it said that, when your children are close together in age, that it can be more challenging in the early years. But after that, it becomes MUCH easier, because they are so similar in age, you can plan the same activies for both at the same time and you aren't pulled in multiple directions.

As for BF while PG, I only have empathy for you... I was still breastfeeding DS when I was pregnant with DD and by the 3rd month I just couldn't take it anymore and DS had an abrupt weaning. He took to the bottle immediately, however, and we had no problems with weaning. I think he preferred the bottle because BF was too much work.

Hugs!

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by Kivgaen

I don't know if this thought will comfort you or not... but I have heard it said that, when your children are close together in age, that it can be more challenging in the early years. But after that, it becomes MUCH easier, because they are so similar in age, you can plan the same activies for both at the same time and you aren't pulled in multiple directions.

As for BF while PG, I only have empathy for you... I was still breastfeeding DS when I was pregnant with DD and by the 3rd month I just couldn't take it anymore and DS had an abrupt weaning. He took to the bottle immediately, however, and we had no problems with weaning. I think he preferred the bottle because BF was too much work.

Hugs!

ALL OF THIS.

My boys are 1.5 and 2.5. Its sooooooo hard, they are both SOOOOOOOO intense. But every night, i go to bed soooo fufilled. And they are already starting to become the cutest little partners in crime.

And also what Galatea said about the jealousy part. I found much comfort in knowing that Charlie will never remember what it was like to be WITHOUT matthew, since he was two little to be jealous. And they both got equal attention. Of that I PROMISE. SOme people will disagree with me, and thats ok. I know what happens in my home.

Throw that guilt monkey from off your back.

[moxygirl]

My son will be 11 months old when this new baby is born.

I agree that this pregnancy is different from my first. Most of the time, I don't even remember I'm pregnant.

I was terrified in the beginning too - my son is very high needs - but as he gets older (he's 6 months now) he gets easier/more content and I start thinking "hey maybe this thing will work out after all".

My supply did dry up, but I was already having trouble breastfeeding. Lots of people are able to nurse through pregnancy though. I agree with contacting LLL. I'm hoping to tandem once the new baby is here, if my son is willing. If not, formula is not ideal, but it's not the end of the world either.

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to ease up on your expectations of yourself and your parenting. It sounds like you're a good parent and you will continue to be a good parent with two young babies.

FWIW, I think one of the greatest gifts you can give a child is a sibling.

[neetling]

My oldest children are 15 months apart. I was scared and worried about taking our oldest's baby time away from her. Then I realized that this was our family and the only reality she would know and it would work out.

I was able to nurse her until I was 7 months pregnant, it was just too painful when my milk dried up.

I hadn't gotten a postpartum period yet so I had no idea how far along I was until I had an ultrasound.

Honestly, it was super hard at first. The sleep deprivation and DD2 was a needy, hold me and nurse me all the time baby. I would get up with out oldest and doze on the couch while she ate and watched sesame street (yes I know, she shouldn't have watched TV, but DD2 was awake until like 2Am and DD1 was up around 6, I was drowning.)

I don't remember much about the first several months. But eventually it all evened out and everyone slept better.

In hindsight I liked having them close in age. We rolled along, clothes were move from one dresser to the next, everything was already baby friendly.

When our youngest was born there was an almost 3 year difference in age. I was much more worried about him accidentally eating a Barbie shoe or something.

It'll be okay. ((HUGS))

[miss_nikki]

I am currently pg with an unplanned pregnancy. DH and I were both in agreement that timing wasn't what we would've chosen. However, after the initial shock and acceptance that this was really happening and a lot of support from others I'm actually very excited about it. I went through the same thing with DS, although my DH was HORRIBLE during that pg. Now he is really happy we have DS.

This is my 5th pregnancy. None of them were planned. However it was easiest for some reason to accept my first. Probably because DH was actually really excited about that one. I got pg with DD2 when DD1 was only 15 months and even then I felt the way you are feeling. Although DD1 had already weaned. I've felt that way with all my pregnancies except DD1.

This is my first time nursing during pregnancy (I'm about 30 weeks) and I honestly didn't think I'd make it. I night weaned DS because I wasn't getting the sleep I needed. I got to where I felt the best thing was to let him nurse when he asks and then when it starts to hurt let him know that num nums are tired and need to take a break. He isn't always happy about that, but at least we still have a bfing relationship. Now my DS is almost 2 and a half so I don't know if that will work for you or not. The good thing is is that it doesn't hurt as much as it did in the beginning, though it does still hurt sometimes. However, it's been totally worth it.

Just because you are pg doesn't mean you have to give up on bfing your DS. It just means you have to listen to your body and do what you can. It means being patient and taking things one nursing session at a time.