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Charting to Avoid/Fertility Awareness, June 2010 - Page 4

post #61 of 654
thanks Annie and MM, not what I wanted to hear but thank you!

looks like I'd better stay here and study for the next two years or so before I need to come back to rely on this

You know how you tell people new to charting to chart 3 cycles before taking any risk, would you say the same thing for postpartum?
post #62 of 654
Quote:
Originally Posted by echospiritwarrior View Post
thanks Annie and MM, not what I wanted to hear but thank you!

looks like I'd better stay here and study for the next two years or so before I need to come back to rely on this

You know how you tell people new to charting to chart 3 cycles before taking any risk, would you say the same thing for postpartum?
Naw, as long as you've gotten comfortable with it before. If you haven't charted long enough to get comfortable then yeah. I would advise caution though, before the first cycle happens as charting during anovulatory times can be tricky.

And I don't see O on your chart either.
post #63 of 654
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post
Thanks for the hugs everyone. It really helps to have an outlet to express my pain. I don't feel like I can talk to my DH about it because then he thinks I am trying to guilt him in to having a child.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post
I do feel guilty about the "biological urge". DH thinks that it is entirely unreasonable for rational thinking humans to not be in control of their emotions. So this loud, screaming voice in my head that is telling me to make a baby with my DH has to be ignored at all costs.

I could have written these words! It is so hard when you want so badly to have another but your DH just isn't there. Huge hugs to you. You aren't alone and please feel free to talk to us about your feelings whenever you want.
DH and I have talked about where we each stand on the issue. He knows where I stand, and I know exactly where he stands. He says he'll be ready within the year, but I'm ready right now. I know, could be worse. I should be grateful, and I am, that it's only 1 year and not never, not 3 or even 2 years. But, it's still so hard to wait.

AFM - FWIW, I keep temping after confirmed O so that I get that drop to warn me AF is coming. I've been caught off guard and w/o a pad too many times, and I like that loud announcement/fat lady singing temp drop. That's really why I keep temping. And of course, I always hope that it doesn't drop.
post #64 of 654
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarefootScientist View Post
Naw, as long as you've gotten comfortable with it before. If you haven't charted long enough to get comfortable then yeah. I would advise caution though, before the first cycle happens as charting during anovulatory times can be tricky.

And I don't see O on your chart either.
thanks. I did just get a bunch of OPKs I ordered in yesterday's mail so here we go... Mine are 'normally' 32 day cycles but then there are these random 50-something day cycles... how annoying!

I'm sending BabyCakes and Annie a bunch more love and
post #65 of 654
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post
AFM - FWIW, I keep temping after confirmed O so that I get that drop to warn me AF is coming. I've been caught off guard and w/o a pad too many times, and I like that loud announcement/fat lady singing temp drop. That's really why I keep temping. And of course, I always hope that it doesn't drop.
Me too. When I have a thermometer anyway. For awhile it didn't drop at the end of the cycle, now it's back to dropping. I also like to obsess about triphasic patterns and such nonsense whenever I've bent the rules.
post #66 of 654
If you know how long your lp is, you don't need to watch for that temp drop. Just count the days from O. I like to have the break from temping so I stop from 3-4dpo to at least after stops. Lately, I've been waiting until I get ewcf because I usually have that for at least a week before I O. I may change that once my dh comes home if I need to be more cautious.

Annie ~ You should not feel guilty for your feelings. I know a lot of people think the mind can control feelings. I used to think that. I do think that we can think our way out of a funk or a bad feeling about someone or something to a certain extent. But I now think it's probably more the other way around. I'm an evolutionary biologist so I have a completely different basis for my thinking from Catholocism. It seems most men don't understand that just expressing empathy for our feelings can be enough.

Ugh, I was trying to see echo's chart but it won't load. I'll try again later.
post #67 of 654
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post
Mummoth, yes therms can start to give unreliable temps as the batteries die. Also, you should use a BBT rather than a fever therm for charting purposes.

Congrats to all the ladies graduating. I must say, it makes me feel like this though DH and I had a talk the other night and I don't foresee that we will ever TTC. In fact, without Divine Intervention, I don't foresee that I will ever have a child. I just feel broken by this whole process.

My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1f0436
So sorry Annie. DH and I had a very similiar talk a few months back, and it left me incredibly shaken and broken. I felt the same, like the only way we would ever have a baby would be by oops. It's a devestating thing to consider. He's opened up a lot in the past few months, and we're now pretty much whatevering for the next few months, but it was very rocky for a few weeks there. I felt like I didn't even want to look at him, because all I could think was "wow, this wasn't how things were talked about before we got married." For many women children are negotiable for the right man, but for me, I know that they're not. It was a very shattering realization, seeing that at the time, his belief was that if we were meant to have kids, we would, even if we were avoiding, and if we weren't meant to, then we just wouldn't. Now I do believe in God's will for us, but having it laid out so black and white felt like a slap in the face, especially since DH wasn't making the choice out of faith.

Back to go read the rest of the next TWO PAGES!!! ?? .....
post #68 of 654
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeninejessica View Post
For many women children are negotiable for the right man, but for me, I know that they're not.
That's how I feel. Even after having 2 kids with my dh, leaving him entered my mind when he refused to have another. I'm always amazed by women who choose to marry men and agree not to have children. Not in a bad way, in a curious way because it's so different from my thinking. To me, there's no reason to get married if you aren't going to have children.
post #69 of 654
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
You do realize if you get pg this month or next you'll be due in the spring, right?

Shannon ~ I think cd41 looks more likely, too.
What Annie said!! Not that I've calculated it or anything but a pg next cycle (I'm about to start AF right now) would be a mid March baby-- here in Winnipeg that's very much winter still!


And I get having the husband who takes it as an attack. Sometimes all you need is someone to validate your feelings... and I know when I would try to talk to DH, even when it wasn't my intention... he did end up taking it as me trying to just get my way and guilt trip him. I absolutely agree with what MW said though- that obviously there is guilt there in his mind somehow. My DH it was because he knew that his 'reasons' weren't really good enough reasons, but emotionally, he couldn't work past them yet. So it was easier just to say "no", and push the rest of the guilt on to me. Which of course... I did feel, because who really wants to have to "convince" their DH they want children, really?

The most connected I've ever felt with him, through all the years we've been together really, isn't some romantic or sweet ocassion, but the times when I've been devastated when another month has come and gone and I'm not pregnant, and he has been able to hold me close and tell me he's sorry that I'm hurting, and sometimes even admit that it hurts him a bit too. It's ok to not be pregnant, as long as you've got someone there who acknowledges how much it hurts, and that it's a real, strong, biological urge that tears you apart (and sometimes makes you a tad crazy).

When my SIL was in the hospital with our first niece to be born, she actually pulled my DH (then boyfriend) aside, and told him "You're not going to understand this yet, but just know that it's not your fault, there's nothing you can do, just be there..." etc etc etc. He was totally weirded out, but then we got home from the hospital and I turned into a hysterical blubbering mess. No reason, I was just completely overtaken with hormonal emotion and neeeeed to have a baby. And since she prepared him, he was able to support me, but more importantly, to see that apparently what was happening to me was "normal" because someone else knew it was going to happen, that meant it must happen to others.


Do do do do .... scrolling down the posts.

My LP is a bit shorter this month too.... ODD. Weather? Moon? I really have no idea. Pretty sure I'm starting like... today, and that makes me 11dpo, whereas 12-13 has been more normal the past few months.

Quote:
And of course, I always hope that it doesn't drop.
Meeee too!

And I think that's everyone!!

AFM... next month should theoretically be our last cycle TTA, but I think truly we've been whatevering this cycle too, and next will likely be the same. I think DH is finally ok with doing that for the next few months. I'm hoping we don't have to transition into TTC, but we'll see what happens. March sounds like a good month to me. hehe. I'm a July baby, and I always hated that because in the summer, all your friends are gone, I don't remember ever having a good birthday party. I'd ideally like to have a due date between March-June, though that's not saying I would prevent to avoid the summer months, just preference! I also have a hot tub outside we want to use for labor, so March/April/May would be nice months for that to happen. Silly isn't it, planning pregnancies around your labor environment?
post #70 of 654
JJ: I think I'm in love with you right now!

MW: Yeah for me, not having a child isn't a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn't leave DH if he said definitively "No, we are not having a child together". It's not that I just want to have a child, it's that I want to have a child WITH my DH. For me, and all my OCD planning, the absolute uncertainty and unwillingness to even discuss putting a timeframe on things is what causes me to get unhinged.
post #71 of 654
Oh and to get back on to the topic at hand...I temp every day regardless of where I am in my cycle. I need to keep the habit up otherwise I would forget!
post #72 of 654
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeninejessica View Post
What Annie said!! Not that I've calculated it or anything but a pg next cycle (I'm about to start AF right now) would be a mid March baby-- here in Winnipeg that's very much winter still!
Yep, my ds1 was conceived sometime between June 12-14 and he was born March 11.

AnnieA ~ Before I met my dh I had no desire to get married or have anymore children. The one child I had was enough. It was the fact that I wanted to have children with this man that made me agree to marry him. I tried to convince him that we could live together forever but that went against his Catholic upbringing, so the only way I could get those babies with him was to marry him. If he hadn't wanted to have children, I probably wouldn't have married him.
post #73 of 654
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeninejessica View Post

The most connected I've ever felt with him, through all the years we've been together really, isn't some romantic or sweet ocassion, but the times when I've been devastated when another month has come and gone and I'm not pregnant, and he has been able to hold me close and tell me he's sorry that I'm hurting, and sometimes even admit that it hurts him a bit too. It's ok to not be pregnant, as long as you've got someone there who acknowledges how much it hurts, and that it's a real, strong, biological urge that tears you apart (and sometimes makes you a tad crazy).
Yes! I don't know what I would do if my husband couldn't/wouldn't at least respect my feelings and acknowledge them. I become a blubbering mess every cycle now at least once (usually the day AF starts) because I'm not pregnant. I think we would have a lot of hurt in our marriage if he didn't take the time to hold me and let me cry.
post #74 of 654
s to all of the ladies who want babies and can't have them right now for whatever reason s

Ugh - I am sicker than a darn dog. I took my youngest to the doc last week because she had a huge lump on one side of her neck (her tonsil was swollen) and the lab results are back today and she, along with my husband and me all have strep

My oldest and middle child are still holding out - so HOPEFULLY they don't get it. I haven't been this sick since I can't remember.

I guess if I had to pick a time to get really sick it is at the end of my LP
post #75 of 654
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeninejessica View Post
The most connected I've ever felt with him, through all the years we've been together really, isn't some romantic or sweet ocassion, but the times when I've been devastated when another month has come and gone and I'm not pregnant, and he has been able to hold me close and tell me he's sorry that I'm hurting, and sometimes even admit that it hurts him a bit too. It's ok to not be pregnant, as long as you've got someone there who acknowledges how much it hurts, and that it's a real, strong, biological urge that tears you apart (and sometimes makes you a tad crazy).
Not much else to say, but this is really sweet. I'm glad your DH is so incredibly supportive and loving!!
post #76 of 654
Hi Ladies, this thread has been busy.

Marinewife - I know technically I should be able to use LAM. I do worry a bit as there are often nights where Reid will sleep 5-7 hour stretches so I am on the verge of not being on LAM protocol. Of course, the last 2 nights he has not done this but he has most of the time for a while now. My 2nd son slept 8-10 hours per night though from 2 months onward and my first cycle occured at 11 months so I shouldn't worry, but I just seem to. So, for now I'm not going to worry too much about my chart but use the time for learning.

Annie - Hope you are feeling better soon. Also, my thoughts are with you regarding having another. It is so difficult when you know you want a child. I know I really treasured this pregnancy as we were getting to the point where we were supposed to be done and I had finally started to accept it. How wonderful it has been to have a third little boy surprise us both.

Babycakes - for what it is worth, all my kids have 4 year age gaps, and it really has been wonderful both times. I hope the timing whenever it comes, end up being perfect for your family
post #77 of 654
Quote:
Originally Posted by jodi5 View Post
I know technically I should be able to use LAM.
It's not a should. It's just something you can do that might be easier than charting/temping/tracking CF when you have such a young baby.
post #78 of 654
Quote:
Originally Posted by jodi5 View Post
Babycakes - for what it is worth, all my kids have 4 year age gaps, and it really has been wonderful both times. I hope the timing whenever it comes, end up being perfect for your family
Thanks, mama! I know it'll all work out. Every night I pray for patience and understanding, b/c those are the few things I can control in this situation. I'm not sure if I'm praying (b/c I'm agnostic) or if I'm just meditating and asking myself to be strong!
Whatever will be, will be.

DD must have gotten her mitts on my therm again. It's not on the windowsill! Darn it! I need to get a spare and stash it in the linen closet! At least if it had to happen again it's during my LP and not on CD13!!
post #79 of 654
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
Ugh, I was trying to see echo's chart but it won't load. I'll try again later.
I've never shared my FF chart, it's given me crosshairs, and here's my tcoyf I hope those worked. I guess tomorrow's temp will confirm whether or not there really was an O yet.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post
Oh and to get back on to the topic at hand...I temp every day regardless of where I am in my cycle. I need to keep the habit up otherwise I would forget!
I'm the same way! For me stopping and starting would be a challenge and I'd be a little too curious about the missing temps

All right today is the day I get to go be housekeeper for a sweet family with a gorgeous house I love to pretend I'd like but in reality I'm better with 1000 sq feet (but if my DH would build me a fiber spinning studio I'd be in -one day he will!)

Have a wonderful day, sending love your way!
post #80 of 654
echo ~ I agree with everyone else. No confirmed O yet. FF is just wrong. Which O detector do you have it set to? Possibly, O was yesterday if your temps stay above 97.6. Ovusoft kind of has it with the lines that separate your fertile and infertile period. If you look, you can see that the horizontal line is set on what might be your CL. However, since it says you are now in your infertile phase, it may not look for O anymore. You might want to change your settings so that it won't use day counting for anything.

OT: I just got my first handspun yarn the other day. Mosaic Moon Dragon's Lair spun by Yarnoodles. It's so gorgeous! I wish I knew how to do that.
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