rice cereal ~ would you

[sugarpop]

Would you give your one month old rice cereal in their bottle? And if you had twins and one of them was eating a ton of formula, so much so that you were starting to struggle financially, would you start supplementing with rice cereal at 3 months?

I have two friends and I cringe with every new story. I bite my tongue, I try not to judge but AHHH. Ok, I am a first time mom. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe what they are doing is ok, maybe I am too quick to judge. But I just want to scream.

I need to vent. I need someone to tell me I am wrong, they are right...or am I right, does this stuff sound insane?

Formula is expensive...then breast feed. I mean if you are supplementing rice cereal, aren't you losing out on nutrients? And if you LO only drinks 2oz at a time...should some of that be rice cereal? I though rice cereal was almost empty...like a filler but not much more than iron? am I wrong?

I hate that I have become so judgemental! Today I was walking through Babies R Us looking for a swing with the in laws, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling innocent moms my thoughts. They don't care what I think of the poison they rub on their children (sorry some bug sprays and sun block are just scary), they don't care that the bjorne is evil...why do I think I should tell them? I don't but it takes some serious effort on my part!

OK thanks for listening to my latest rant!

[Lauren31]

well, I have the same problems with some of my other mommy friends as well. They seem to think that just bc they have two kids they know EVERYTHING. Like one said, "well you are still at that stage where you think if they cry for longer then 10 minutes that is a bad thing." Ummmm... isn't it? I can't see myself letting my baby sit there crying for longer then that and not picking them up and seeing that their needs are met! Or my other friends who say, I can see wanting to breastfeed just bc its cheaper then formula (really though, THAT is why you want to breastfeed, cost alone!? What about the fact that formula is CLEARLY inferior to breast milk) but then they ask WHY would you breast feed a baby after one year?!!? Anyways, to answer your question, I would NEVER supplement a baby with rice. I am not even planning on doing rice cereal when she is 6 months either which all my friends think is CRAZY. They think rice cereal, oatmeal, and pureed baby food.

[Bobbys]

Ranting here is a great place to do it because so many of us are like-minded. It's hard to bite one's tongue, but doing so makes you the better person. Can't tell others how to parent, even if what they are doing is aggravating. Like my brother and SIL who think the cosleeping, breastfeeding, cloth diapering is over the top. I just shrug it off. We both have happy babies and that's all that matters. Best to keep the lips zipped even if others don't.

[nettlesoup]

I feel the same way, and it can be difficult resisting the urge to say something. But my main problem is that people make me feel like I'm being silly when I refuse to let my daughter have any sugar, or try to avoid plastic. I know it's best for her, but I find it hard explaining this without sounding like I'm a bit mad. I've lost count of the amount of times that the inlaws have tried to get me to put juice in DD's water so it tastes nicer. What's so wrong with plain spring water? Then there's the great granny who is obsessed with trying to give her sugar.
Sorry about the tangeant; but I think what I'm trying to say is that we are getting judged for not going mainstream. It seems to go both ways; judging and being judged in return for bringing up our children differently.

The one thing I no longer judge people on so much is formula. I was very against formula, until I ended up failing to breastfeed. It was a good lesson for me and changed my views on formula. I still think people should do what they can to breastfeed, but I now understand when mothers are unable to despite trying their hardest. But I'll never understand those who just don't try in the first point, or think that it's weird. Wow, sorry about the rambling there!

[belltree]

Every family is different. I wouldn't give food that early on, but I also believe, that it is not my decision to make for other people.

I've found that my babe does very well with vegetables and fruits, but he starts vomiting and spitting up after eating oatmeal or rice cereal; hence it's of the menu for now.

Originally Posted by Lauren31

"well you are still at that stage where you think if they cry for longer then 10 minutes that is a bad thing."

10min? I find that awfully long. I couldn't do that. The crying of my baby does something to me, it hurts me deep down in my most inner core. There are very few situation when my babe had to cry that long. And if he did, because he was hurt or fussy or sick, than I, or dh, was there holding and comforting him.

[Lauren31]

Originally Posted by belltree

10min? I find that awfully long. I couldn't do that. The crying of my baby does something to me, it hurts me deep down in my most inner core. There are very few situation when my babe had to cry that long. And if he did, because he was hurt or fussy or sick, than I, or dh, was there holding and comforting him.

I agree, glad I am not the only one. She kept calling me neurotic bc if dd fussed I would try to figure out why!

[ann_of_loxley]

Oh I am terrible at judging! It causes a lot of my own guilt actually!...So even though I keep my judgments to myself (do I even have a tongue to bite anymore? lol)...its still not that great a thing to do! (cause some stuff has come back to bite me in the bum! )

The thing is though... I feel so strongly about certain things because they DO matter and I feel they are very important things to the wellbeing of humanity! Basically - I am judgmental because I care! And, despite my guilt of certain things - a lot of my own judgments have made sure I stay on the straight and narrow myself! lol

I tell you what though - having a second child has been a very humbling experience. (it may not have been if I had another baby like DS1 - but DS2 picked us as his family, of this I am sure! lol). So you live and learn. But there are still things out there that I feel very strongly about - this hasn't changed for me from having one child or now having two! - I hated the whole 'I am better than you as a parent because I have more children' mentality that some parents throw at you - mostly, at the time, because we were planning a much larger age gap than other people and ended up having fertility problems to boot! - So it was hurtful in many ways! - And that mentality is there - it is real. Even if people don't want to believe that it is. Because as soon as I had my second child, suddenly I felt part of an even bigger circle of mothers! Its not all in my head, it is just the way people come across!). I am just much more open minded a person to see how easily it could be for others to get a bit muddled up.

Parenting is a tough job. I feel equally as sorry for the parents as I do those babies. Our society if a very mixed up and lonely one - a lot of the advice that one can be given as 'best' from so called 'health professionals' can really be confusing!!! ...and if everyone else seems to be doing it - it has to be right...right? I often feel that choosing to actively be an 'AP' parent, made me more lonely than I already was - but it wasn't just about me - I had to think of my children too. I often wonder what type of parent I would have been if it wasn't for my own childhood, my own experiences in life and my stumblings as a new mum - coming across forums such as MDC! I am very thankful for where I am as a parent today - and I am sure my children are too!!!

[Abraisme]

You're absolutely right about the rice cereal, young babies are not designed to eat solid foods, especially "filler" like rice..

Secondly, this "rant" is exactly why parents tend to flock to other parents that use a similar philosophy. I've lost several friends because they have choosen to parent differently than me. It is simply impossible for me to be friends with someone when I believe that they're neglecting, abusing or just plain damaging their babies. Ignorance is no excuse when I'm around because I will speak my mind about it. It's really important to me!

[springbride]

Such great timing on this thread. A friend of ours was over last night with their LO. My DD is 10.5 mo, walking, babling and interacting with people, such a joy . This LO is 7mo, has been on formula since she was 10 wks because it was 'too hard' to BF (cause dealing with all of those bottles is easier ) and this LO can't sit up unassisted and doesn't have many facial expressions that indicate interacting with others. It's just so sad to see

[tzs]

i think there's a big difference between things that can be chalked up to value judgements (bjorn vs ergo, swing vs no swing, co-sleep vs crib, feeding cereals at 6 months etc...)...on these things i not only keep my mouth shut but try to get into a more non-judgemental mindset. i do what's right for my family and they do what's right for theirs. i've even been the one to say that even though i wouldn't do CIO i would never judge another mom who did having never walked in her shoes. i just think we should support each other as parents despite our differences. i mean, am i so sure that i'm so perfect that i can judge the mother who has her kid in daycare 12 hours a day who maybe doesn't "HAVE" to work? nope. but as a teacher i can make sure that kid has the best possible experience while he's there.

however when you're talking about stuff like rice cereal in the bottle or rice at 3 months....that's straight up stuff they give you pamphlets in the hospital about NOT doing. i mean, not only do medical professionals not recommend you do it they have public health campaigns against it. so for something so blatently "wrong" for that i would probably speak up. if they're having trouble affording formula maybe research some food banks or assistance programs. WIC provides formula i believe and i know there are programs out there to help. it's not like they are going to just start breastfeeding at this point, they've chosen formula but we can help make it as healthy for the child as possible.

[nettlesoup]

Originally Posted by springbride

Such great timing on this thread. A friend of ours was over last night with their LO. My DD is 10.5 mo, walking, babling and interacting with people, such a joy . This LO is 7mo, has been on formula since she was 10 wks because it was 'too hard' to BF (cause dealing with all of those bottles is easier ) and this LO can't sit up unassisted and doesn't have many facial expressions that indicate interacting with others. It's just so sad to see

I wouldn't blame formula for late development. I agree that she should probably kept with the breastfeeding, and that the milk would be much better, but formula isn't necessarily the cause for late development. It certainly didn't affect my daughter in that way.

[mnagi]

Originally Posted by tzs

however when you're talking about stuff like rice cereal in the bottle or rice at 3 months....that's straight up stuff they give you pamphlets in the hospital about NOT doing. i mean, not only do medical professionals not recommend you do it they have public health campaigns against it. so for something so blatently "wrong" for that i would probably speak up.

When my beautiful son was in the NICU and had some reflux due to everything he'd been through, the neonatologists were pushing at one point to add rice cereal to his EBM to 'help with the reflux'. I *knew* this was a big no no and totally disproven and would mess up his poor little digestive system even more but they completely dismissed my concerns saying it was something they did all the time, with even younger babies. He was only 2 weeks old! Thankfully, they decided against that but they did force me to add formula to my own EBM for him, to 'add calories'. Not that they'd analysed my breastmilk for calorie levels. The nurses used to sneak formula to him regularly, despite my good frozen EBM supply. Really upsetting.

This was the same NICU that wouldn't let me try to breastfeed, did the whole pacifier dipped in sugar solution thing and forced me to bottlefeed as one of many hoops we had to jump through before we could bring our son home. More than one dr and nurse told me he would probably never breastfeed, had a 'weak suck' and was not gaining weight well. Whatever - within a week of coming home he was off all formula and breastfeeding exclusively (from the source!). He gained 1.5 lb in his first 2 weeks
home. Just on the boob :0)

[kismetbaby]

Originally Posted by belltree

10min? I find that awfully long. I couldn't do that. The crying of my baby does something to me, it hurts me deep down in my most inner core. There are very few situation when my babe had to cry that long. And if he did, because he was hurt or fussy or sick, than I, or dh, was there holding and comforting him.

This is me! From the moment he was born it just ripped my gut out to hear him cry. So I have made ever effort since he was born to not have him cry. . .and you know what, at 8 months he hardly ever does cry. Except when he gets hurt or something is really wrong. So I feel very good about my quick responses to his cries. . .even when some people (MIL ehem) rolled their eyes at my parenting.

Rice cereal under 4 months old, heck under 6 months old. . .the thought of it makes me shudder. But I mostly keep my mouth shut in these situations. Just the other week I was with some moms (not my friends, but just at a mommy/baby group) and heard them talking about CIO. . .saying, "well, once he cried for 2 hours, but after that it was always less". AGGGGHHHHH! It kills me to hear this! 2 hours! Are you kidding me??? And the thing that really got me was she said they were doing it b/c their pediatrician told them their 6 m old should be able to STTN now. Really? All babies are the same? And you take your peds advice as the word of god??? Argh, argh, argh.

But ya know, I've tried to be more accepting as a parent. . .its a hard job and their is no one right way and most parents are trying to do their best. So if I did say anything I would try and make it gentle and just relate my own experience. But its hard not to freak out when I hear these things.

And I hear such sad stories about BFing. . .I mean I know things can go really wrong and their are times when you really can't BF (I had a very hard time in the beginning myself). So it doesn't make me condemn those mamas, but it does make me wish their was better support/information out there. I think if we were better educated in this country about things like AP and BFing, then many more parents would make these choices.

[mistymama]

Originally Posted by Lauren31

I agree, glad I am not the only one. She kept calling me neurotic bc if dd fussed I would try to figure out why!

You are NOT neurotic. I wouldn't let my almost 8 year old cry for 10 mins, much less a young baby!

[tzs]

Originally Posted by mnagi

When my beautiful son was in the NICU and had some reflux due to everything he'd been through, the neonatologists were pushing at one point to add rice cereal to his EBM to 'help with the reflux'. I *knew* this was a big no no and totally disproven and would mess up his poor little digestive system even more but they completely dismissed my concerns saying it was something they did all the time, with even younger babies. He was only 2 weeks old! )

wow! that's crazy!!!!

[akind1]

it depends on who the parent is. If she is a good friend or family, I try to explain why I do the way I do (like I will tell them IME, and those of others, adding cereal doesn't really fill babies up or help them sleep longer, and it is not nutritious. Milk - mine or formual is the best thing)

If it is a random stranger, I might say, I bought an ergo, and my LO loves being in it, his legs and hips are much more comfortable, and it looks like you could use it longer. It is worth the higher price tag. There are ways to gently introduce your perspective without being judgemental - or sounding that way - to others.

Among family, they really pushed the cereal and oatmeal thing. I just tossed the reasons back. the cereal and oatmeal would help him sleep longer and gain weight? well, I say, he sleeps great, and is gaining like he should. no need to add it. As for sugar and stuff (DH's gran wanted to give DS who is SIX MONTHS a lollipop!!!!) I have a great reason - beyond the fact it is choking hazard, and totally fake, his face reacts with artificial colors.

and the CIO thing! I just say I can't do that to the baby, it hurts me to hear him cry like that. I get comments all the time that people never hear DS cry, and the rare times he does, they say in amazement and relief, he does cry! LOL

[Norasmomma]

I get where you are coming from, but some of your points seem a bit preachy to me. A baby bjorn, yeah I hate them, but not everyone knows about Moby wrap or an Ergo-at least they are wearing their baby.

The cereal thing is lame.

My one thing I speak up about and often-circumcision, I just think that is wrong on so many levels.

[LadyCatherine185]

Ok maybe I'm missing something, but what is wrong with the bjorn? I personally have an Ergo (DS was a HEAVY baby and I needed the extra support!), but I know a lot of people with the bjorn.. I never have heard negative things about them?

[akind1]

The major difference with the Bjorn is it dangles a baby by the crotch, and the ergo holds a baby in a frog-legged position, which is easier on the hip and knee joints.

I am happy to see people wearing their babies, period, but the bjorn just never looked very comfortable to me.

[candelaria80]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

Ok maybe I'm missing something, but what is wrong with the bjorn? I personally have an Ergo (DS was a HEAVY baby and I needed the extra support!), but I know a lot of people with the bjorn.. I never have heard negative things about them?

The Bjorn puts the baby in a poor position. It puts all the weight on the spine, rather than dispersing the weight like the froggy positions of the Ergo, Boba, Beco etc. We used the Bjorn early on, just because I really didn't know any better. DD loved it! We did eventually moved on to the Ergo and now to the Boba, when we learned better we did better.
The thing is, if you are a mainstream momma all you really know is the Bjorn. That was the only carrier in BRU when I registered. It is difficult not to judge, but with things like the Bjorn I try not to judge, one because I was there and two because I know that baby wearing is a wonderful experience that I believe every parent should know. It now makes me cringe a bit to see a Bjorn wearer, but it makes me happy that it is becoming more the norm. Eventually I think the mainstream will catch up and other better carrers wil be more readily available but for now it is what is out there.