Bitter Sushi Ladies - June - Page 2

[enigo]

I had nothing with my son except an easy 1st try conception, no worries, and an easy healthy, uneventful pregnancy and natural birth of a gigantic super heathy son. It's been all downhill from there. I thought that's how it was supposed to be.
Yep homozygous.
I looked it up and was in a bit of a panic until I found page 7 where it said homocysteine as well as everything else was normal. I found a liquid folate online and ordered it in a frenzy. However, I may not need it since homocysteine is normal and it shouldn't a problem.
See it just goes to show you once they start looking too hard, who knows what crazy stuff will come up. I suppose that's why they said nothing came up with the testing. It wouldn't have caused the mc. (But what effing did!!?!?) They didn't figure I would do the research and panic myself. I will not do heparin.

Anyway, back to square one with 3 dead babies for "no reason".

I swear I know in my heart that it has something to do with the erratic cyles after the first mc (Which may well have been a chromosomal thing)

This is how I think it went down...mc#1 random chromosomal thing. Cycles didn't get a chance to regulate and hormones were still off somehow, but I got pregnant... and mc again. Then cycles really went mad, but I repeated the cycle. I'm hoping I'm right, and that the acupunture helped me. We'll see.
As much as I want t be pregnant. I would also like to see how AF goes this cycle, to see if it's normal and to see if my next cycle is normal.

[kalamos23]

Bitter moment here - I wish I could try to get pregnant and be successful first try both times. That thread makes me sad and supremely jealous.

Enigo - I really hope the acupuncture helps to fix things - it sounds like you have a good start!

[jenger]

Originally Posted by kalamos23

Bitter moment here - I wish I could try to get pregnant and be successful first try both times. That thread makes me sad and supremely jealous.

Enigo - I really hope the acupuncture helps to fix things - it sounds like you have a good start!

Girl, now I looked! Arg! Yep, made me bitter too. And I should of gone to bed and hour ago...

(Don't look ladies - a gal posted a thread, the lucky lady got pregnant with #2 the second time she and her husband actually tried)

Even the BSL graduate thread (which I stalked to get updates for our first post ) got me a little sad, even though it SHOULD make me hopeful...

Apricot
Thanks offering us your expertise with such generosity. It is so appreciated.

[lapis]

sweetest: welcome

Nanette: love the pics and to you.

kalamos: I'm NOT going to read that thread! unless I need something to spark a real tantrum!

Enigo: . i vote just stay home and relax : )

MF: and

Jenger: sorry about the soggy PNW weather. Will you hug the evergreens for me though? to you

[enigo]

Now I had a stupid dream that I got pregnant again and had another mc. Awesome!

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by enigo

Now I had a stupid dream that I got pregnant again and had another mc. Awesome!

I'm sorry. When I had my nightmare the other night, DH kept telling me "it is JUST a dream" it felt like it minimized the feelings. Feelings that come up are real. I wish I could give you a real hug

[enigo]

Beloved It does, doesn't it? I've learned not to bother talking about it with DH. I mean he's supportive I guess, but I don't want to run him off from wanting to try again either. He has no idea hat I spend 99% of my time thinking about this.
Sometimes I don't even know why I want to keep trying. I mean I do want another child, but sometimes I feel like it's more that I can't go out like this. It's a shame I can't channel this ridiculous energy for TTC into something more productive like finding a cure for cancer.

I know later on in life when it is definitely too late to have another when people ask me why DS is an only child it will still hurt down to my core.

DS has a bunk bed and the little neighbor girls ask me EVERY TIME they come over why.
When I bought it, I was pregnant with mc #1 and figured, heck I'm buying a bed anyway...sigh

The doc that ordered the bloodwork said there was no reason according to the results that I should have had 3 mc other than bad luck (sorry, don't believe it) and that I should keep trying. Oh and also get some genetic testing done on myself. Why? You can't change genetics either way.

Sorry, I always mean to do personals. I swear I will when I get back.

[sweetest77]

Originally Posted by kalamos23

Bitter moment here - I wish I could try to get pregnant and be successful first try both times. That thread makes me sad and supremely jealous.

I read the thread too...ugh! My first two were conceived very easily and I don't ever remember feeling any kind of angst over a pregnancy test that early on (like I do now after 14 friggin' cycles, and even then I feel guilty about how anxious I get considering I already have two children). Part of why I came over to BSL is because it is so frustrating to hear people agonize over possible BFNs after only 2 or 3 cycles, yep I'm definitely getting bitter!

Jenger my info is incorrect in the first post... I've been ttc since May '09 - not May '10 (I wish!) Thanks!

[jenger]

Originally Posted by lapis

Jenger: sorry about the soggy PNW weather. Will you hug the evergreens for me though? to you

You know it! It's actually KIND OF clear-ish today, in my rain-shadow town... At least I saw some blue...

Originally Posted by enigo

Now I had a stupid dream that I got pregnant again and had another mc. Awesome!

Ugg!

Originally Posted by sweetest77

Jenger my info is incorrect in the first post... I've been ttc since May '09 - not May '10 (I wish!) Thanks!

Corrected! Thanks for pointing it out!

ME 3 dpo, have 1st RE appointment Friday, am beginning to doubt my decision to make it... I mean, what if it is just 'bad luck'? (Could 10 well-timed cycles without a bfp even be bad luck? I really don't know! I just turned 35 in March...)
Also, I feel liberated that I took my name off the ONE list... I still lurk a bit, but I like not having to ask for my name to be put back and forth and back and forth on the lists...

[jenniferadurham]

Okie doke...well I got a "BFP" yesterday morning only to find out that it had to have been a bad test...bc every test that I take afterwards is WHITE. And this morning I wiped and there was light pink blood. So...June makes 7 months. Wow...I never thought I'd be saying that. So today...and rightly so...I'm bitter. I am 13DPO. Nice.

[rcr]

Hi BSL: I am not around here much, so sorry to be bitter when I finally do post, but ARRRRRGH! I am so frustrated. I am now 1 year TTC, and I feel AF coming on today. I know, optimists say that AF cramps feel a lot like implementation cramps, but, I know when my body is going to AF, and now she is on her way. I feel like I am never going to be pregnant.

[sweetest77]

Jenger Thanks for fixing that. I could just picture people reading down the list, seeing May 10, and thinking "what does she have to be bitter about after only one month"

Try not to feel conflicted about your RE appt., you are doing the right thing! I'm struggling with if/when to move on to an RE myself, and I probably should have done it a while back. The good news is that 10 months of good timing and no PG could very well just be bad luck (I hope it is, and that good luck is right around the corner for you). But if it's not bad luck and there is something that can be fixed don't you want to know about it now??

I'm curious, did you get PG easily with your first? What really makes me feel like there is something wrong with me (aside from the LPD which is now under control) is that I got PG so easily with my first two! I wonder if I would be so anxious about hitting the one year mark if it hadn't been so easy before?

[enigo]

Originally Posted by sweetest77

Jenger Thanks for fixing that. I could just picture people reading down the list, seeing May 10, and thinking "what does she have to be bitter about after only one month"

Try not to feel conflicted about your RE appt., you are doing the right thing! I'm struggling with if/when to move on to an RE myself, and I probably should have done it a while back. The good news is that 10 months of good timing and no PG could very well just be bad luck (I hope it is, and that good luck is right around the corner for you). But if it's not bad luck and there is something that can be fixed don't you want to know about it now??

I'm curious, did you get PG easily with your first? What really makes me feel like there is something wrong with me (aside from the LPD which is now under control) is that I got PG so easily with my first two! I wonder if I would be so anxious about hitting the one year mark if it hadn't been so easy before?

Right? May '10.. some people have no patience!

I think it can be so frustrating when you have other children, it's like, what happened? I did it before...I can't believe I actually waited an extra 6 months until my friend was ready to TTC again, only to lose mine (my 3 actually ) while she has a beautiful one year old. I swear I thought I could just turn it on and off at will.

Jenger I tell you what. Both times I went to seek help, once to an OB and once to a RE, I got pregnant within days of the appt. Now they didn't even touch me, they actually just frustrated me more.


I'm going to keep saying I've been TTC for 1 1/2 years, because in a few months it's 2 and I will die a little bit more inside.

jenniferadurham What brand test did you say that was? What a dirty trick!

[sweetest77]

Enigo already having children is definitely a double edged sword. There is some relief/hope in knowing I've done it before, but every month it doesn't happen my dread grows... "there must be something wrong, it was so easy before"

Of course my age is probably the big factor. It's been over 6 years since I conceived my son and I'm closing in on 40. I can't even begin to express the remorse and anger I feel over the 4 years we wasted after DH's vasectomy (why did I agree to that, I can't remember??) How will I ever get over that if we never conceive again

[enigo]

Same here... just turned 40 and my son will be 4 at the end of the month.
Starting to think it was a miracle that he was conceived at all

[Jane]

I am a bitter cookie sometimes. Why in the world is every one preggo? Not professionally speaking, of course all my clients are preggo, but everywhere else.
I "should" have a 6 month old baby now. I had to block my adorable lesbian friends off my facebook front page b/c they have a 6 month old and gush over it like proud mamas do. Hrummmph. Bitter I am.

[enigo]

Funny I was at the grocery store this morning and EVERYONE had a fresh new baby. I thought "WOw! Thanks Universe!" They were probably looking at me thinking "she's so lucky she only has one".

[millefleur]

Welcome sweetest77! Sorry you are here! I hope your stay is very short!

Nanette: I don't blame you for ranting! They should either do betas every time or not. What a pain!

jenger: Thanks for tidying up the first post! That is so great of you to do that!

enigo: just more hugs . Hey, maybe acupuncture and baby aspirin will do the trick! Why not?

rcr: I've got the one year blues too.

Originally Posted by kalamos23

Bitter moment here - I wish I could try to get pregnant and be successful first try both times. That thread makes me sad and supremely jealous.

I read that thread - oops - that was a mistake. I wish I could get pregnant and be successful EVER! I just want one freakin' kid! The first time I got pregnant (m/c) was after only two or three tries, and now it's taking an eternity. But I still have to believe it will happen eventually. Pleasepleaseplease

I love this freakin' sheep. It makes me laugh every time I see it.

[Nanette56]

Originally Posted by jenger

ME 3 dpo, have 1st RE appointment Friday, am beginning to doubt my decision to make it... I mean, what if it is just 'bad luck'? (Could 10 well-timed cycles without a bfp even be bad luck? I really don't know! I just turned 35 in March...)
Also, I feel liberated that I took my name off the ONE list... I still lurk a bit, but I like not having to ask for my name to be put back and forth and back and forth on the lists...

Ooooh, so excited for you girlie! I really think it feels better to go see an RE and have them do their tests and make sure everything is working properly. The HSG and the hormone tests are so helpful IMHO. I would never have known about this stupid PCOS had I not done the blood tests! And it feels like you're actually DOING something instead of just waiting for another cycle to pass without getting prego. Even after seeing the RE it took me another 6 months or so to realize that there was something wrong with me...but I think it will be a very healing thing, and I can't wait to hear what happens!

Originally Posted by jenniferadurham

Okie doke...well I got a "BFP" yesterday morning only to find out that it had to have been a bad test...bc every test that I take afterwards is WHITE. And this morning I wiped and there was light pink blood. So...June makes 7 months. Wow...I never thought I'd be saying that. So today...and rightly so...I'm bitter. I am 13DPO. Nice.

Oh mama I had a very convincing EVAP a whillllle back on a DT so I can relate. I'm so sorry. TTC is agonizing enough without false positives.

Originally Posted by rcr

Hi BSL: I am not around here much, so sorry to be bitter when I finally do post, but ARRRRRGH! I am so frustrated. I am now 1 year TTC, and I feel AF coming on today. I know, optimists say that AF cramps feel a lot like implementation cramps, but, I know when my body is going to AF, and now she is on her way. I feel like I am never going to be pregnant.

So sorry girlie

Originally Posted by Apricot

I am a bitter cookie sometimes. Why in the world is every one preggo? Not professionally speaking, of course all my clients are preggo, but everywhere else.
I "should" have a 6 month old baby now. I had to block my adorable lesbian friends off my facebook front page b/c they have a 6 month old and gush over it like proud mamas do. Hrummmph. Bitter I am.

I know. Every FB picture is a friggin' sonogram! WTH is up with that?!?

Enigo Just thought I'd chime in and say, no way do you look anywhere close to 40!!!!!!

AFM- Well I finally got AF late this afternoon at 15dpo (THANK GOD). I'm happy because I thought my body was going to cause problems this month. All the symptoms were likely from the oodles of progesterone caused by the release of four eggs. I spoke with the nurse today, I'm starting B/C on Friday, going in for blood tests, and DH and I are attending the IVF seminar this coming Wed. Those are the requirements for the IVF consult with my doc. My IVF cycle will then be in July. Anyway, I'm doing shared risk, so if I don't take a baby home from the HOSPITAL, then I get 80% of the money back. I'm incredibly optimistic and psyched! I will be in here all month cheering ya'll on, even though I won't be TTC. Oh, and I'll need some encouragement this month too- I'm going to work on losing 15 pounds prior to the IVF cycle, can you believe all these medications have made me put on 15 friggin' pounds!?? So I'm bound and determined to lose it before I start this thing. Lots of love to you girls, I don't know what I'd do without you!!!

[enigo]

Nanette "I don't take a baby home from the HOSPITAL, then I get 80% of the money back"

WOw! how can they do that? I want in! Sure wish I had insurance.
Oh thanks about the not looking 40 thing. Apparently my eggs have gone moldy though
I have also put on a beer belly since having the 3 mc's too. I don't even drink!