Can i come join the illustrious bsls?
i sort of don't feel worthy, but i'm sitting here completely crushed on CD1 after my first clomid cycle that the REs said wouldn't work anyway and that i didn't know I'd put so much hope in until it was over (on CD17, with a 5 day LP none-the-less
). and DH just says "well, we'll just try again next month" and looks at me perplexed... and I realize I could so
benefit from the company of others who maybe understand what it is like to stare down a long road hoping maybe you don't have to walk it; maybe this month will be the month it'll happen even tho you've been told it won't... kwim?
anyway. Hi. I'm 31. I've two lovely DC, a burning desire for #3, and a bunch of secondary IF. After DD's birth, I had a nasty chronic uterine infection that basically trashed my reproductive system bc I have underlying endo (the endometrial tissue got infected and spread throughout my abdomen- I ended up w/ appendicitis and peritonitis from infected endometrial tissue. party.. now I have endo, pelvic adhesive disease, chronic pelvic pain, one blocked tube and my hormones are a mess and that #3 that we so dearly wanted back to back with #2 is looking like it might be a longer shot than I care to put into words...
We're on month 13 of not TTA and cycle 7 of TTC. Brought in the RE last month. RE recommends IVF. Says bc of my endo and adhesions, even if I can get eggs made and released from my good tube, they'll never survive to implant (had a much more scientific, lengthy explanation- mostly involving how my ovarian fimbria don't pick up chemical signals... but IVF was the punchline) Financially and psychologically, I just have to run the gamut first and RE is supportive of that. was planning clomid cycle #2, except that bc my @#$! LP was so short, I'm not sure I can get in in time for a new script for this cycle. (I'm on a cancel list for Friday and am begging everyone and their mom to babysit my kidlets--the office is 2hrs away...:fx)
When I'm not lovin' on my current kidlets or trying to make a new one, I do birth work. Job is kind of in a flux right now. have been allopathic for a very long time and am kind of transitioning to a different paradigm.
Pleased to meet you all and I really can't express how much sympathy and good energy I want to send to those of you who've been at this way longer than me. This sucks.
If you don't wanna have me yet, I won't be hurt. I've written this post and then deleted it like 3 times today. I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to be so bummed about this, bc I have 2 lovely DC, and esp I have a barely-toddler
, and I know that I am so blessed. I just.. I dunno. I'm just sad, mostly. In my heart, I feel like a mom of three. and my heart doesn't feel whole bc I'm not and it might be a long road or never. (Does that make me sound completely nuts?
I swear, I'm not usually such a downer.