lots of questions...

[amrijane128]

After too many chances my husband has finally proven he isn't going to kick the drugs. Pills mostly. He came home last Monday high and belligerent so I called the police. He was arrested for posession of prescription pills. I was approved for. A restraining order the next day and haven't seen him since. We have court on. The 7th and I'm not really sure what for? I'm doing the divorce papers this Friday but don't know what to expect for the restraining order hearing. Is it just to make it permanent or so he can fight it or what?

My main question is regarding custody. I want full. Custody with no visitation until he is clean, but can I get that? I'm not sure what his charges are now but he's not in jail at the moment. I caught him snorting something near my daughter last week and didn't call the cops then (no flames please, I have finally said enough is enough) and would like to mention this as grounds for him getting no custody, but don't want to have that used against me. I'm terrified of losing my kids because I knew this was going on and didn't notify authorities. I just wanted to help him get over this addiction.

Any advice is appreciated, pardon the typos I'm on a phone keyboard that is a pain to type on.

[Chantelle691]

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice for you but I wanted to give you a and bump your post to the top to see if anyone else can advise you at all.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Get a lawyer. Make a record of everything that has ever happened. Don't ask for NO visitation, ask for supervised.

Make sure you have a lawyer, cause it sounds like you'll need one.

[Halfasianmomma]

A) Start documenting everything he does, say, sends to you etc.

B) Are you able to recall specific events where he was intoxicated/violent and in the presence of your child? Dates and times and description of events would be very useful especially with regards to obtaining supervised visitation.

C) Court will no doubt be to make the temporary restraining order more permanent, or at least to put in place a temporary custody arrangement. Perhaps you'll be asked to testify with respect to the events which lead to his arrest. If the court date involves issues of custody, I agree that asking for NO visitation is like shooting yourself in the foot: if you have to testify, be sure to mention that you do want your child to see her father, BUT ONLY if he has proven himself to be clean and sober for, say, 6 months, and until then, in a supervised setting (for which he will foot the bill).

D) Who is representing you? You definitely need to have a conversation with this person and ask all your questions before you get to court (or at the very least, before you walk into the courtroom on Monday morning)

And yes, you definitely rock for fighting this fight. I hope you're able to get some support for yourself as well.

[Avani]

Did you ask for custody through the restraining order? It is more beneficial to order it at the restraining order hearing and then file divorce and then consolidate the two cases. You can't request no visitation for him but you can request sole custody with professionally supervised visits for him. The hearing will be in regards to the restraining order and yes he gets an opportunity to fight it. If he doesn't show for the hearing it means you will get an order for usually 1-3 years time. You can request random drug testing and rehab for him but it will be at the judges discretion to order it.

[HappilyEvrAfter]

Just wanted to offer (((((((hugs))))).

[Bad Mama Jama]

i am also a big fan of documentation. i would go for sole legal and physical custody as that is what i have and it seems as though the dettached parents just drift off on their own without too much prompting, but only time will tell. good luck and i am proud that you are taking steps to move beyond this.