learning to tie shoes

[catinthehat]

My dd is newly turned 6. We have been trying to teach her how to tie her shoes(apparently they don't teach that in kindergarten anymore, grrr). Honestly, I find it extremely frustrating to try and teach her, and she just isn't getting it. Do you think she may just not be ready for it? She has pretty poor pennmanship, but then she will make the most intricate little art projects at home, so I think it may just be an issue of not being interested in learning it, rather then a lack of dexterity. Any suggestions on how to teach her?

[lnitti]

my dd was fascinated with tying shoes when she was about 2 (maybe it was 3). She could watch you and explain every part (cross it over, put it under, make a loop, wrap it around, but put it through, etc), but did not have the dexterity to do it herself. I thought I was going to have a kid who could tie really young. Fast forward to 6 years old, and she still can't do it. When I was a kid, you had to know before Kindy. Now it is not requried (thank goodness, because I tried like hell to teach her before Kindy). I finally bought her a pair, thinking that if she HAD to do it, she would learn (that is what her OT told us about pants with snaps - buy them and she will figure it out, and it was true). But it didn't work. Her teacher had to keep tying her shoes for her - in double knots and I hate double knots. I could never untie them. So I gave in and bought her velcro. Less hassle for the teacher and less hassle for me. Apparently most of the kids with tie shoes were requiring the teacher to re-tie them. Tying sneakers is not her job, teaching is, so I didn't think it was fair. Unfortunate in girls sizes, there are not very many sneakers to be found that don't tie and velcro instead.

Anyways, she still doesn't know. I am hoping to spend time with her again and try to teach her. But I have spent so much time already. We have had a big break, so maybe it is time again.

[velochic]

I actually sat down with dd for what was literally 2 hours when she was about 3.5 years old and went over it again and again and again until she had it. I'm not kidding or exaggerating when I say 2 hours straight. There was a particular pair of shoes she wanted (not character shoes, as we don't do any character apparel) and they tied. I told her that she had to learn to tie them herself if she wanted them. We bought them and she held up her end of the bargain. Took forever, but it did eventually happen that afternoon and it was just sitting behind her (we're both right-handed) and showing her (ETA: remember you can't show her by sitting in front of her), then guiding her hands over and over and over again. You gotta have patience, though.

[sunnysandiegan]

My DD has a slender foot and the Velcro shoes were always too wide for her feet. She learned really young how to tie shoes. She is the independent type and didn't like to wait to be able to go, go, go.

I was in Big Lots one day and saw a shoe-tying puzzle. I got it for $1-2 and it made its rounds through our playgroup helping all the preschool age kids learn to tie their shoes.

Fast-forward to Kindergarten. I volunteered in her classroom and one of my jobs for several WEEKS was to assess the kids on shoe-tying. Oh my! The first day I think 2-3 students of 20 could do it. Through a lot of patience and hard work, I eventually got over half the class competent. Then, one of the playgroup moms returned the shoe-tying puzzle to us (I had forgotten about it, it had been so long) and I donated it to DD's kindergarten teacher. The kids loved it and all but one child learned to tie their shoes. That one child turned out to have delayed motor skills and still doesn't have the skills to tie his shoes. (We're friends with the family still even though he no longer goes to the same school.)

[Oubliette8]

Does your DD happen to be left handed? I've heard that lefties have a harder time with knots because we tie them all backwards. Its certainly been true for me. It took me ages to master shoe tying- the way I remember it I was one of the last kids in my class and I was very frustrated because I was trying hard.

I wonder if switching methods might work? I was taught bunny ears in school and not catching on- still cant do bunny ears, but one night my mother took me aside and taught me the one loop method instead, I picked it up right away and have been able to do it ever since.

If she is a lefty- or you are and she is not, finding someone with the same dominant hand as her to teach her might help as well. for instance, right handed folks tie a square knot right over left, left over right. I can't do it that way, mine all go left over right, right over left. Its the same end result, but backwards because of the dominant hand issue.

[KMK_Mama]

My 6 1/2 yo and 8 yo just learned a few months ago. I had tried teaching them back in kindergarten but got frustrated so I kind of gave up. Their cousins (11 & 15) taught them with the bunny ear method in one night...although they are still perfecting it.

[catinthehat]

Thanks all. I will try sitting behind her. That sounds like it might work. And I agree, the 2 bunny ears seems much harder then the 1 bunny ear method. I will keep working at it with her.

[cedoreilly]

My DD had a hard time learning to tie her shoes. I just encouraged her every morning to do as much as possible herself and then I talked her through the rest as I did it. Took two months but one morning she got it (she was 6.5 years old and has fine motor delays. She really really wanted the shoes and I told her she could only have them if she worked on learning to tie them herself). My DS2 at 5.25 years also insisted on tie shoes (he was in preschool). He also has fine motor issues and the OT person warned me it might be too much for him to learn. I used the same method as his sister (encourage him to do what he could) but what made the big difference with him was his older brother taught him. They had shoe tieing lessons in their room every night. All of a sudden one day it clicked!!

[lilmiss'mama]

For so long the girls didn't wear tie shoes, so I kind of forgot about it as a skill I needed to teach!
It was actually one of their friends at school that taught my oldest and then my oldest taught the youngest. Often times in our house if someone other than mom teaches they are more willing to listen!

[mamabutterfly]

My dd is now 8, and we only have velcro, zip up, and slip ons - shoes, boots, dress shoes, and even sneakers (Skechers). This hasn't really been on purpose exactly, but whenever we try on shoes she knows she likes fast on-off. I do too! But a friend of mine (with no kids) was recently *horrified* and implied I was a terrible mom for this huge oversight. I though, oh, if you only knew all of the other things I've meant to teach her and haven't.

I imagine she'll want to learn at some point and teach herself, or ask me. That's the kind of kid she is. If she wanted a certain pair of shoes like the PP said, I would definitely make her learn how to do them herself and not tie them for her, but it just hasn't come up!

[nextcommercial]

Just out of curiosity. Our school refused to tie shoes by kindergarten. (they would help, but not DO it for them) and kids were required to know how before they entered school.


For those of you with older kids, who ties their shoes when you aren't there? Or do they only wear velcro?

[One_Girl]

Have you tried teaching her a different way? There are two ways and each child differs when it comes to the way they like best. My dd learned at four by making the bows first then tucking one under, but some kids find the one bow way easier. If you have been trying for a year and it isn't working then I do think you need to stop and wait. If you haven't tried both ways yet though then I think you should show her the other way first.

[MJB]

We taught my oldest at 5.5 before kindergarten; he picked it up right away. At 7 he has the worst handwriting in his class so I don't think the two are related. My 4.5 yr. old is going to K this fall so we just taught him; he can do it now but it's not easy and we've spent hours on it.

[AbbieB]

DD is 6.5 and it just clicked for her 2 weeks ago.

I started trying to teach her, both methods, since she was 3. She would show interest then get frustrated and give up. So I'd wait until she showed interest again in a month or 2 and try again.

I facilitated her interest a little this year by buying her 2 pairs of lace up, super sparklely sneakers. She's a sucker for sparkles.