WWYD if your DH sent you this? - Page 2

[hopefulfaith]

I have spent years being highly offended that my dh prefers to "eat out".

When I look at the total picture, his entire family does. Really, it is so weird to me to have a meal at a greasy spoon as a matter of course when we visit his parents, or to have them suggest that we simply go to the local diner for lunch or dinner....when I've already defrosted the chicken and planned a salad. None of them eat salad (except dh...now). None of them eat any vegetables except corn, canned peas, and beets. All of them consider Applebees to be "fancy" dining.

Anyway, I digress.
My dh loves to eat out. I love to stay at home.

We compromise. He gets an 'allowance' where I don't care where he spends it (usually at the local family restaurant), and he takes the kids out to eat on Saturday mornings (I drink coffee in my pjs on the couch - yay, quiet time!).

And, for dinner & meals at home, I try to work with his likes and dislikes. For example, I'll eat a Gardenburger when I make hamburgers. I'll fix a salad when I make sloppy joes. I don't expect him to eat tofu, sprouts, or quinoa. He doesn't expect me to eat steak with him.

I don't exactly prepare two separate meals, but I do tend toward preparing a few different options than anyone can choose from. My kids can choose to have some of dad's hamburger or my gb/black bean whatever, etc. I'm not going overboard here, but I do try to throw him a bone here and there.

I wouldn't prepare McDonald's recipes, but I would sit down with him and figure out a few meals that he likes. I tried that with my dh, and he sat with a blank look on his face and grunted that he didn't know, btw, so I simply had to figure out...meals he doesn't *hate*. I am mostly past my resentment that he loves to eat out - I decided to blame it on his parents, which made me feel better - and I've moved on to "Eat what I cook, or don't. This is dinner.", while making sure I have at least something he likes at dinnertime.

HTH.

[Brittany93]

Not much advice, if any at all. But talk about unhealthy, I so wouldn't want that around my kids. After watching Food Inc, I dislike McDonalds even more. He's an adult, and needs to start eating like one.

Well said ArtGodess.

[PancakesMancakes]

I'd seriously reconsider the relationship

[Marsupialmom]

I would ask him is intentions....My dh would have done it as a joke.

I would (am) not be offended if he doesn't like my cooking. I don't always like his either. (and my part is a chef)

You are not a short order cook. If he doesn't like your cooking, and you have tried to accommodate then he needs to step up to the plate. He can cook for himself.

Tomorrow I am making collard greens. My kids love them. My dh doesn't. He knows it is planned and he will cook his own food.

[emilysmama]

Originally Posted by WhiteHorse

My DH loves McDonald's. He grew up with very different eating/cooking styles than I did, ...So, DH sends me a link to a website that describes in explicit detail HOW to make McDonald's recipes, down to the exact ingredients and how to prepare.

I did not even know how to respond to that. On the one hand I felt like that was the last straw and I was just going to get my stuff and leave. (To where I have no idea, but somewhere) On the other hand, I found myself arranging how to gently explain that if he wanted McDonald's, there was one up the street - you know, the one he eats at at least 2ce a week.

You don't understand. He now EXPECTS me to make McDonald's at home. I said no way, and he now blames me for his overspending by eating out. Yes, he really is like this. The problem is, even if I go out and buy all those ingredients (including an expensive deep fryer) and spend the afternoon following the recipes to a t, I will not be able to make it taste exactly like McDonalds. Then I will hear the complaints and further suggestions of how to make it the right way.

Sorry for this little vent, but seriously - am I the only one who would be insulted by this?

I sympathize with you completely.

My husband loves McDonald's as well.

As soon as my dd was born, I vowed that our family's diet was going to change for the healthier. I cooked/cook everything from scratch, so I was/still am very extreme about that kind of thing.

During the first year after my dd was born, my husband would regularly say, after I finished slaving over a stove, "You don't have to cook because we can always eat at McDonald's.", or "It would be faster and less work for you if we ate at McDonald's." or "You don't have to pack my lunch for work or leave a plate of dinner for me in the refrigerator for me because I'll just go to McDonald's" or "It is much cheaper if we ate off the McDonald's dollar menu."

Sometimes it was said with a genuine concern to save me extra work, sometimes it was said in a friendly teasing way.

But after the first thousand times it was said, then each additional time it was said, it ate at me like acid.

Finally, I said in a non-confrontational way that I understood that he was trying to prevent me from doing a lot of work and that he was teasing in a goodnatured way, but my priority was to set the stage for our family to eat healthy from the beginning, and everytime he made these seemingly innocuous remarks, it was like a slap in the face to me and my labor of love.

My husband, bless his heart, got the message and took it to heart. He never made another such remark again, and none of us (not even him) have eaten at a McDonald's for 5 years. I will forever be grateful to him for taking me seriously for that.

So in short, the website would crack me up (could you please provide a link, because I want to show my husband?), but the attitude would get me all riled up.

[MissLotus]

OP, when you say he "EXPECTS" it, how does that manifest itself - as in, does he sulk or yell, or behave badly in some way? Is he accustomed to you bowing to his wishes and demands?

At any rate, I would point to the frying pan and say, "There ya go. Have a good time."

[momasana]

Originally Posted by PancakesMancakes

I'd seriously reconsider the relationship

Really?

[eclipse]

People in my house who have issues with what I make are free to make their own food. And that's probably what I would tell my husband if he wanted me to cook McDonald's for him.

[ledzepplon]

I would ask him to help do the meal planning, or even see if he wants to take over a weekend night or other times when he's not working. I would definitely try to find a compromise, like Monday nights are "McDonald's recipe" nights or something. But I do think that whomever does the cooking gets final say, and if you want someone to cook for you, you'd better not complain!

[D_McG]

Are you sure he wasn't just trying to be funny? I would find that v. funny.

[hopefulfaith]

Originally Posted by PancakesMancakes

I'd seriously reconsider the relationship

I'm not sure I agree. I don't think he was doing this to be ... evil.

[Oriole]

How about looking at it this way?

Everyone has a favorite meal, and it's not a bad thing to make it for them once in a while. I do it for DSD. I do it for DP, and I do it for myself. Why would someone's likes and dislikes offend anyone? I often ask DP or DSD about their preference for a meal.

If the choice is DP eating McDonalds at McDonalds vs. home, I'd pick home. You can modify in mild ways to make it a little more healthy, and you don't have to make it every single day, kwim?

Now, if DP got cranky over me not cooking his favorties day after day, then we'd have an issue. If he expected certain things - we'd have an issue, but having an input on what you eat is very understandable to me.

P.S. I would certainly not break up the relationship over my partner asking me to make something he enjoys for dinner. I ask him for things I enjoy as well.

[HappyMommy2]

I have a rule, that if somebody puts food in front of you, you say "thank you, this is delicious!".

My husband and BIL grew up complaining about the food their mom put on the table, and it is completely horrifying to me! How rude!

I had to teach my dh a lesson, and not cook for a long long long time. (like almost a year). It happened to coincide with summertime and a new grill, and his work schedule changed to him getting off of work 2 hours earlier than me, but boy does he appreciate it when I cook for him!!

If the food is something that he totally hated, he can gently mention it a couple days later. However, he better eat it at dinnertime and be nice about it! He also tries lots of new things now, he had a pretty sheltered diet growing up.

[Oriole]

Originally Posted by HappyMommy2

I have a rule, that if somebody puts food in front of you, you say "thank you, this is delicious!".

My husband and BIL grew up complaining about the food their mom put on the table, and it is completely horrifying to me! How rude!

I had to teach my dh a lesson, and not cook for a long long long time. (like almost a year). It happened to coincide with summertime and a new grill, and his work schedule changed to him getting off of work 2 hours earlier than me, but boy does he appreciate it when I cook for him!!

If the food is something that he totally hated, he can gently mention it a couple days later. However, he better eat it at dinnertime and be nice about it! He also tries lots of new things now, he had a pretty sheltered diet growing up.

I agree with always appreciating what you get, and saying "thank you" after the meal. But from the original post, I didn't get the impression that her husband complained about the food, just that he pointed out a recipe for the food he likes. I have a big problem with the first one, and zero problems with the second one, kwim?

[karika]

One good way to look at it is that if you make it at home, you can make it without the toxic ingredients. You can use organic, grass fed beef instead of GMO fed, feed lot raised, growth hormone injected, antibiotic injected (and resistant) that has not been irradiated with AMMONIA. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/31/us...2&pagewanted=1

you could replace the toxic ingredients with healthy, organic ones. But it will not taste the same. The addictive taste is caused by the ammonia, the MSG, the corn syrup (made from GMO corn)and the like. I second having him watch some things. Start with sharing vids on youtube if you have to.

and the comment about it saving you money is not accurate. Mcd food is cheaper than making your own. That is because it is made from toxic chemicals and chemically treated entrails and fat bits, not food at all.

all the above is my opinion after researching the facts. FWIW, I grew up eating fast food daily and I only gave it up for good last year after a steep decline in visits to the drive thru over a few years time. I will not eat there again after what I know now, no matter how much I feel the cravings.

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by 34me

What really offended me was last year when he came home from visiting his parents his mom sent him home with an entire spiral notebook filled with her recipes

It's funny how we all have different experiences. MIL recently gifted me her own notebook of recipes, but it was done in 100% love.

About the OP, I see so many different variables and potential issues, it's hard for me to analyze them all. For example, there's the health factor. I would find it frustrating if my DH didn't care about nutrition at all. (Not divorce worthy, of course, just frustrating).

I could not possibly follow the McDonald's recipe without substituting just about everything - I haven't looked at it or anything, but I just know I'd be saying "nope, can't have X, have to use Y instead." I mean, heck, we eat all local, grass-fed/finished beef (and not much meat overall). So I'm having trouble relating, I guess.

As for comments about my cooking - yeah, I'm sensitive about that. That's my problem of course, but it would crush me if DH even implied criticism about my cooking.

There's the issue of trying to tell you how to do things. Well, I subscribe to the notion of "do it yourself or shut up." In my relationship, it's really me who has to bite her tongue. DH doesn't tell me how to do my stuff. I can't stand how DH does dishes (serious water waste, I can't even be in the room when he's washing dishes or I'll go nuts). But I either beat him to the job (sometimes) or shut up (usually).

Yeah, from some guys it could just be a joke, or even just a "hey, cool, let's try this" and not a criticism. But I don't get the idea, especially with the blaming you for him spending money at McD's. He's the one spending money at McD's, not you. It's his choice. He can either 1) make his own damn burgers, 2) just deal with a life without fast-food tasting burgers or 3) keep going to McD's - but that's his choice, not something you're making him do.

I mean, was it in your marriage vows that you swore to keep him eating McD's? If you cook for him, anything at all, that's bonus points these days, you know? It's not even an expectation that you cook ANYTHING. It's not a requirement for wifely duties anymore.

I generally cook and I do it out of love, and no, my DH doesn't have any commentary about it except "thanks for dinner" and maybe "mm, good."

Context is everything. If DH sent me that, I'd laugh, because he would definitely not be serious. It's hard for me to put myself in your context, but as best as I can, I'd laugh for a different reason and tell him to deal with it himself. He can eat what's on the table or cook for himself. It's absolutely reasonable for you to cater to your family's taste to a degree (I mean, I never serve shrimp, which DH doesn't care for, and I always make sure there's something DD likes), but I think that's going too far.

[donutmolly]

We have had a hard time reconciling our different food desires in our house -- my priority is healthy, his is tasty (by his standards) -- I do think it takes both partners giving a little to come to a mutual level of happiness about food.

For example, my DH loves Kraft shells n'cheese (or plastic, depends on who you ask...) Until my kids got old enough to eat it wasn't a problem, and then I decided I couldn't let them have that, so I tried a billion and a half different mac n'cheese recipes to find one that DH enjoys as much or more than Kraft. I still don't think that it's health food, but I'm much more ok with serving it to the whole family.

OP, if your Dh hasn't seen Supersize Me it might convince him that McDonalds is not so great... there was also an article about how McDonalds treats its beef with ammonia but there is still e coli present in the burgers that convinced my Dh to never, ever again go to McD's...

[pumpkin]

The first year we were together I cried over many a meal. DH just wouldn't eat it, he would put a tiny bit in his mouth and say 'I don't care for that', or he would eat a small portion looking unhappy the whole time. Then after dinner he would go to McDonald's. I'm not a bad cook. I'm even a bit of a meat and potatoes style cook, but I do like to mix it up a bit and I love one-dish meals for there ease.

We have worked very hard to find recipes that we both like. Its been harder lately because I don't have much time to cook and most easy meals he doesn't like.

If my DH sent me those recipes then I would think he was trying to be helpful and find a compromise meal. I would bang my head on the table in frustration, but I would still be happy he was at least trying.

I wouldn't cook them though. I know what his reaction would be once the food was in front of him.

[childsplay]

I think that's funny. Why in the heck would he want you to go through the trouble of making it when he can just go buy it for 5 bucks???

[tzs]

not to be insensitive but um.....
could you post the link?
i'm not that bad...really....i keep kosher but didn't grow up that way so there are times that i miss the junk. taco bell recipes would rock my world but i'll settle for some ho-made mickie d's