almost-5 year old anger issues

[Beppie]

My dd will be 5 in July. Her responses to her younger sister's antics are WAY out of proportion to the offense, in my opinion. Today her sister, who is 2, was playing with a plastic ball, one of those filled with air that do not hurt even if you throw it purposefully. The 2-year-old just bumped her with the ball, on the back. The older dd just made a face with rage ... it doesn't help, too, that the younger dd just laughs at her!

This happens a lot. The 2-year old acts like a 2-year old, of course, and the 5-year old gets angry and the younger dd laughs. How do you help a child with her anger? When the younger dd laughs, the older one just gets even MORE angry. I'm hoping some of you have good ideas for helping us work with this!

[claras_mom]

How do you respond to the younger sister antics? And is it the same response if the roles are reversed? I guess the one thing that comes to mind, not knowing all of the particulars, is that your older one is of an age to have a strongly developing sense of fairness. My 5 yo gets really bent out of shape if something "isn't fair." So if she bounced a ball off her sister's back, would you view it as harmless or would she get called out?

To use a recent example from my household, dd1, her friend, and dd2 (14 mo) were all near the piano and the lid got banged down. Pretty sure I knew it was either dd1 or the friend, but since I didn't see it, I made sure to call them each by name--even the baby--when I reminded them to treat the instrument more gently. Even though the baby isn't old enough to really know better : (she's old enough and tall enough to make noise, however).

[lilmiss'mama]

DD1 may be vying for some personal space. I guess I would start the communication between the two of them even if it's basically just you prompting them as to what to say. Such as...
DD1 can say "I don't like to get hit with a ball. Can you play somewhere else?" DD2 can apologize for hitting her sister.
I realize your two year old will only comprehend so much and you'll have to remind her to be more careful, etc...
But I think starting the communication as early as possible is important. Then your DD1 feels heard & understood and your DD2 starts to learn about people's personal space.

[Tjej]

When I have that sort of dynamic with my kids or kids I am watching I do my best to talk more with the baby within earshot of the older child about the right thing to do - I correct the younger one a bit more. Gently, of course, but so that the older child does not feel abused/disregarded.

Tjej

[Surfacing]