I drink too much... UPDATE POST 134 :)

[beansmama]

I don't believe I am an alcoholic (alcoholism does run in my family)...but I can definitely see myself heading in that general direction and I DON'T want to go there.

I drink way too much. What do I mean by that?

I drink at least every other day - pretty much. I'll sometimes go two days, but it's hard...and when I don't drink, I'm THINKING about drinking...

I always drink to the point of intoxication. Not always sloppy drunk...but sometimes. I usually drink the same amount each time, so I guess it depends on how much alcohol is in what I'm drinking.

Example - I'll drink an entire bottle of wine/champagne to myself - this will get me really good and buzzed (lower % alcohol) or flat out drunk (but a functioning drunk) (higher % alcohol). I've been drinking hard liquor lately a lot too...but still end up about the same as with the wine.

I cannot have one drink.

Well, I can...but it's hard. I just don't have that "off" switch in me that says, "It's okay to just have one...it's okay to have a beer for the taste or whatever and not follow it up with 4 more...".

*actually I do occasionally go to a restaurant and split a beer with Dh, so I will stop at one there...but chances are I'll go buy a bottle of wine later that night.

I don't want to drink so much. Besides the fact that it's a total freaking waste of money (I might as well still be smoking!!), it's not healthy to drink so much...and it's causing some problems with my family life.

Not a lot of problems...and not always, but I black out when I drink - if I got to that drunk but still functioning point.

Like...this morning Dh started talking about the movie we watched last night. I didn't remember watching a movie. After he told me the title I was like, 'Oh yeah..." but I don't remember ANYTHING about the actual movie.

I don't remember going to sleep much of the time...I just pass out leaving DH to take care of the baby. He will drink too, but he's not a big drinker. He rarely gets more than a slight buzz and therefore takes over for me when I'm...well...unable.

It's embarrassing.

Also, there is a 50/50 chance that I'll pick a fight with DH (over old issues...waaaay old). Clearly, this should tell me STOP, right?!?!

Why do I drink? Because parenting stresses me out. It's my escape at the end of the day. I enjoy hanging out with Dh and drinking, watching movies, etc.

After I have one drink I'm more fun with the kids...Dd especially. I'm normally uptight and okay, crabby, but after a drink I'm goofy and fun. Dd loves it and so do I.

I feel a lot less inhibited in the, ahem, sack. Not that I have any reason to be...I am comfortable with Dh, but I'm not really comfortable in my skin. I totally enjoy DTD, but feel self-conscious of things like my momma tummy, or completely lopsided saggy boobs (thanks, breastmilk, lol!). Dh thinks I'm *hot*, lol, which is awesome...so this is truly a "it's not him, it's me" situation.

I'm rambling now.

I guess I'm posting here just to publicly shame myself into sobering up my act. I don't want to quit drinking. Hah. Of course I don't, right? But I definitely want to cut it waaaaaaay back. Hell, I'd be happy with once a weekend...less is probably ideal, but I'm being realistic here. I'm young and do enjoy having fun...I just don't want that fun to start being not-fun...which is kinda happening now.

Does this post make sense at all? I guess I just need some advice from people that have BTDT.

I DON'T want to go to AA. Like I said above - I don't feel like I'm an alcoholic (but geez, I realize all alcoholics say that, so I'm not sure I'm really coming across here...) but I'm definitely an "alcohol abuser/binge drinker" which is like, what, one step under full blown alcoholism?

How do I tone down the drinking and when I do drink...how can I do so more responsibly? meaning, a buzz is okay...blacking out at the end of the night...NOT.

Oh - and on another note, I'm atheist so please don't recommend any spiritual-type books, what-have-you's

Thanks for reading this embarrassing gibberish. I really hope I don't get mean responses. I'm scared...be nice please? Please?

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I only got half way through your post and just HAD to ask,


What about any of this makes you think you are NOT an alchoholic?

I think you need to seek help, NOW, before it gets much, MUCH worse. Your local AA should be a good place to start.



I would start out this journey buy excepting that you ARE an alchoholic. Remmeber, getting through the denial is the FIRST STEP.

More

[beansmama]

As an atheist I will not do AA. It is a lot of religious mumbo jumbo (yes, I have attended many-a-AA meeting when I was about 15...long story having to do with my parents freaking out because I smoked pot) and I just can't do it. Or, I can, but I wont. I don't believe it.

As far as whether or not I am an alcoholic...everything I've read is pretty clear that I am not.

There are different levels of addiction and I fall into the alcohol abuser category. I don't have a lot of the addictive problems such as shakes or getting ill if I don't drink, etc.

[beansmama]

Originally Posted by beansmama

As an atheist I will not do AA. It is a lot of religious mumbo jumbo (yes, I have attended many-a-AA meeting when I was about 15...long story having to do with my parents freaking out because I smoked pot) and I just can't do it. Or, I can, but I wont. I don't believe it.

As far as whether or not I am an alcoholic...everything I've read is pretty clear that I am not.

There are different levels of addiction and I fall into the alcohol abuser category. I don't have a lot of the addictive problems such as shakes or getting ill if I don't drink, etc.

Any advice on some non-religious sober info? Actual science based groups or therapies? I'd be interested!

Also, I just took a quiz (it had been awhile) and it said it couldn't give me an answer, but I should definitely talk to my doctor and get their input on whether or not I should be drinking.

Has anyone talked to their doctor before about a drinking problem?

I would be willing to do that...except I haven't had a doctor is YEARS (except my obgyn). I do have insurance though, so I guess I better get on it!

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I don't think getting the shakes is the only symptom of being an alchoholic, but then again, im not an expert on the disease.

Your post does concern me though. You say you have a hard time NOT thinking about drinking if you arent drinking, and have to FIGHT the urge not to drink. And then you cant have JUST ONE.

Ever heard of a DRY DRUNK? People who arent even drinking can still be considered alchoholics. Its not as black and white as it used to be considered.

I do think its worth finding someone to talk to about this. If you want, give yourself limits, and see if you can stick to them. Start with a day, then two. If you cant stick to it, then you cant do it on your own. You need outside help.

I know its easier said then done, but its nothing to be ashamed of by needing outside help. Infact, you would be commended for admitting it on your own.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I think your OBGYN is a great place to start. This could very well be an unconscious way of you self medicating for PPD. (I see your little guy isnt quite a year and you mentioned motherhood being too overwhelming.)

Even if thats not the case, your OB office should have lots of resources for counseling and addiction therepy. So they would be able to point you in the direction of whats going to be right for YOU.

[beansmama]

I definitely want to try setting limits and then seeing if I can stick to it.

If I can't...yeah...that would be pretty telling that I need to do something about it. Thankfully, Dh is very supportive and willing to not drink and avoid situations where others would be drinking...so I do have help there, which, um...helps!

[beansmama]

Originally Posted by Barbie64g

I think your OBGYN is a great place to start. This could very well be an unconscious way of you self medicating for PPD. (I see your little guy isnt quite a year and you mentioned motherhood being too overwhelming.)

Even if thats not the case, your OB office should have lots of resources for counseling and addiction therepy. So they would be able to point you in the direction of whats going to be right for YOU.

Will my doctor still see me even now? I didn't think it was an option - I only see her when I'm preggo or shortly after PP (she delivered both my kids and I *do* really like her - it would be awesome if she could just be my doc, lol!).

Also, I AM on anti-depressants for PPD. I had PPD with Dd and never got treated for it, and I didn't want to go through that again with Ds (I heard PPD is usually worse the second time around) so I started taking (generic) zoloft in my second trimester.

It has definitely helped.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

You go for yearly's dont you? Even if you dont, yes, your OB will should still you, ESPECIALLY if your being treated for PPD.

And call me crazy, but isnt drinking while taking an Anti-depressant a BAD IDEA?

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

OK, I just googled drinking and Zoloft, and pretty much everything I saw advises NOT to do it.

[beansmama]

Yeah...most medications don't advise drinking...do you really think that everyone who takes anti-depressants should *never* drink.

I realize that personally, I drink too much and it's probably counteracting a lot of what the zoloft is supposed to do (drinking is a depressant) - but in general, a LOT of people are on anti-depressants, and I'm fairly certain some of them drink every so often...

But yes, it is right on the bottle "avoid alcoholic beverages..."

[Drummer's Wife]

Honestly, you do sound very much like an alcoholic to me. Even though you don't drink everyday, all day, you are still addicted to alcohol. I don't have any advice as to how to seek help, though - except that I'd probably consider in-patient rehab if I couldn't get it under control myself (and by under control, I think at this point it really does mean not drinking at all).

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by beansmama

Yeah...most medications don't advise drinking...do you really think that everyone who takes anti-depressants should *never* drink.

I realize that personally, I drink too much and it's probably counteracting a lot of what the zoloft is supposed to do (drinking is a depressant) - but in general, a LOT of people are on anti-depressants, and I'm fairly certain some of them drink every so often...

But yes, it is right on the bottle "avoid alcoholic beverages..."

Honey, you are rationalizing, another classic sign of alchoholism.

If I were taking zoloft, the Three-beer-a-week average that I drink would not make a difference.

But the amount in which YOU drink cannot be condusive to your meds.

[Kivgaen]

After reading your post, I concurr with what Barbie said -- I too believe that you ARE an acoholic... but it doesn't matter what we believe, it's what you believe that counts. You can't get help if you don't first admit that you DO have a problem.

AA may not have worked for you in the past, but just because you are an athiest (I am as well, by the way), it doesn't mean that the crap that they are spewing can't possibly be helpful or meaningful to YOU...

Being an athiest, you must believe in something, don't you? I believe that there isn't a powerful being or external force acting upon me... but I DO believe that there is a lot of energy in the universe... or even just within myself... that I can tap into and draw upon when I am feeling low, down, or upset.

You can't change what they say in AA, but you can adjust it mentally to suit you and make it fit for you. Instead of praying to "God" or asking HIM for help, you could meditate to give yourself the will power to continue. It IS inside you -- IF you BELIEVE! Don't believe in God, but believe in yourself. Believe that YOU have the power, and YOU have the capability of changing.

AA can be exactly what the doctor ordered -- if you wade through all of the God-speak, and translate it in your head to something that is meaningful to YOU, it can still work!

Don't be so quick to dismiss the power of prayer, meditation, or whatever you want to call it -- the power is within YOU, if YOU have faith and you believe. The mind is a powerful organ and it has the power to make or break you. Meditation (or prayer) could be the key that can help you to turn it around.

[New_Natural_Mom]

Sorry, but you sound like an alcoholic in denial. And there are VERY SPECIFIC reasons why you shouldn't drink with anti-depressants...and it IS why it is on the bottle. and YES, if you are on that medication you should never drink. I am non-christian, so I understand why you would avoid anything with overt or subtle religious undertones, BUT, you sound like your kids are in jeopardy. You and your DH drink at the same time around your kids? What if there was an emergency - no one could drive!

I think the only positive thing I can say is that you recognize you have a problem, even if you are downplaying the severity IMO. I hope other people can point you to resources that you could use to help yourself.

Good luck!

[beansmama]

Originally Posted by beansmama

Yeah...most medications don't advise drinking...do you really think that everyone who takes anti-depressants should *never* drink.

I realize that personally, I drink too much and it's probably counteracting a lot of what the zoloft is supposed to do (drinking is a depressant) - but in general, a LOT of people are on anti-depressants, and I'm fairly certain some of them drink every so often...

But yes, it is right on the bottle "avoid alcoholic beverages..."

Originally Posted by Barbie64g

Honey, you are rationalizing, another classic sign of alchoholism.

If I were taking zoloft, the Three-beer-a-week average that I drink would not make a difference.

But the amount in which YOU drink cannot be condusive to your meds.

I get what you are saying...but how is what I said rationalizing anything.


I realize that personally, I drink too much and it's probably counteracting a lot of what the zoloft is supposed to do

That's not rationalizing. That's me saying that for my case - I DO drink too much for it to be good as far as my medication is concerned. I was merely saying that OTHER people on medication that says "don't drink..." probably drink. That *that* isn't out of the norm.

I wasn't stating that my personal habits were okay.

[beansmama]

Originally Posted by beansmama

Yeah...most medications don't advise drinking...do you really think that everyone who takes anti-depressants should *never* drink.

I realize that personally, I drink too much and it's probably counteracting a lot of what the zoloft is supposed to do (drinking is a depressant) - but in general, a LOT of people are on anti-depressants, and I'm fairly certain some of them drink every so often...

But yes, it is right on the bottle "avoid alcoholic beverages..."

Originally Posted by Barbie64g

Honey, you are rationalizing, another classic sign of alchoholism.

If I were taking zoloft, the Three-beer-a-week average that I drink would not make a difference.

But the amount in which YOU drink cannot be condusive to your meds.

I get what you are saying...but how is what I said rationalizing anything.


I realize that personally, I drink too much and it's probably counteracting a lot of what the zoloft is supposed to do

That's not rationalizing. That's me saying that for my case - I DO drink too much for it to be good as far as my medication is concerned. I was merely saying that OTHER people on medication that says "don't drink..." probably drink. That *that* isn't out of the norm.

I wasn't stating that my personal habits were okay.

*sorry if this posts twice - my computer just crashed

[beansmama]

Originally Posted by Kivgaen

After reading your post, I concurr with what Barbie said -- I too believe that you ARE an acoholic... but it doesn't matter what we believe, it's what you believe that counts. You can't get help if you don't first admit that you DO have a problem.

AA may not have worked for you in the past, but just because you are an athiest (I am as well, by the way), it doesn't mean that the crap that they are spewing can't possibly be helpful or meaningful to YOU...

Being an athiest, you must believe in something, don't you? I believe that there isn't a powerful being or external force acting upon me... but I DO believe that there is a lot of energy in the universe... or even just within myself... that I can tap into and draw upon when I am feeling low, down, or upset.

You can't change what they say in AA, but you can adjust it mentally to suit you and make it fit for you. Instead of praying to "God" or asking HIM for help, you could meditate to give yourself the will power to continue. It IS inside you -- IF you BELIEVE! Don't believe in God, but believe in yourself. Believe that YOU have the power, and YOU have the capability of changing.

AA can be exactly what the doctor ordered -- if you wade through all of the God-speak, and translate it in your head to something that is meaningful to YOU, it can still work!

Don't be so quick to dismiss the power of prayer, meditation, or whatever you want to call it -- the power is within YOU, if YOU have faith and you believe. The mind is a powerful organ and it has the power to make or break you. Meditation (or prayer) could be the key that can help you to turn it around.

AA didn't work for me in the past because I didn't have a problem. I was a young kid who liked to go out with her friends on the weekends, and had two very religious parents that overreacted a lot. And admit now that fact.

Also, I was a christian when I was attending AA, so it wasn't an issue for me then, either.

But no - I don't believe in anything. I don't believe in some force or great power or anything beyond the tangible. I'm not a spiritual atheist. I'm just an atheist.

The majority of the steps are about admitting things to God. Whether or not it's "God as you understand him" makes no difference to me. God, as I understand him doesn't exist in any way shape or form, and I'm not about wasting my time pretending to believe things I don't.

The whole greater power is about submitting yourself to something else for help - and since that something doesn't exist (in my POV - no offense to believers, I'm just trying to be clear) then the "help" doesn't exist and then clearly, AA becomes null and void. Pointless, helpless, useless.

Now, if I believed in anything then I'd probably find it helpful to give myself up to something...but...yeah...

[KatWrangler]

[KatWrangler]

Does your local hospital or mental health department have any meetings that are non-religous?

You need to talk with your Doctor.