I drink too much... UPDATE POST 134 :) - Page 2

[Kivgaen]

Originally Posted by beansmama

The majority of the steps are about admitting things to God. Whether or not it's "God as you understand him" makes no difference to me. God, as I understand him doesn't exist in any way shape or form, and I'm not about wasting my time pretending to believe things I don't.

The whole greater power is about submitting yourself to something else for help - and since that something doesn't exist (in my POV - no offense to believers, I'm just trying to be clear) then the "help" doesn't exist and then clearly, AA becomes null and void. Pointless, helpless, useless.

Now, if I believed in anything then I'd probably find it helpful to give myself up to something...but...yeah...

I didn't say anything about pretending to believe in something that you don't believe. God, as I understand him, doesn't exist to me either...

BUT - but you can ignore the whole "submit to the greater power" part. Submit to your INNER power. What's within yourself. It's there -- whether you choose to believe it or not, YOU have the power.

Right now, You are choosing not to have that power. It doesn't really matter where you go for help or who you ask. If YOU don't believe it's possible, then you will sabotage your own efforts to get well.

It's a choice that you have to make. No-one else can make it for you -- YOU have to choose.

Are you ready to get well? Or not?

It's a simple question...

[beansmama]

Okay, basically this is what I've decided.

Something needs to change - clearly and drastically. I'm not in denial about that.

I'm going to take this month to try and get my crap together. Like I've said above, I don't want to quit drinking (obviously) but I do need to significantly lower both the amount and frequency that I am drinking.

This is also something I saw recommended on various "Am I an alcoholic" sites...

So my goal is once a week - one day a week, only. I'll say on Saturday night, since that's the start of our weekend. Back when the drinking mostly started Dh and I would share a bottle of wine (so, 2 glasses each) and then it slowly crept up from there (my fault, totally...cause he still only drinks approx. 2 glasses when we do drink).

So I'm giving myself permission to drink on Saturdays this month - and to split a bottle of wine with Dh (which kinda sucks honestly, cause we like different things...hm. Maybe I should let him pick his gross stuff, that might help!).

I cringe at typing that - because I want to drink more than that (duh)...but that's kind of the point. Getting things under control before they get worse.

If I can't stick with this plan, then clearly there is a problem that is beyond my control and it's time to seek help from outside sources...which I'll do, but not AA. I'd rather get private counseling from a secular therapist....

And to the person that wrote with concern about "what ifs" of having 2 people drink...

I don't drive at all, so by that theory Dh could never drink...since I wouldn't be able to drive anyway. But, besides having neighbors (or 911) to call should anything happen, I mentioned in a prior post that Dh isn't a big drinker. He rarely gets a light buzz...I'm the one with the problem, and I'm not driving

[Kivgaen]

It's a good starting point, and a solid goal to shoot for.

Don't stop there! Answer these questions as well:

1) What are you going to do instead of drinking when you have the urge to drink? (Pick a new, healthy habbit, that you CAN manage

2) What are you going to do when you slip up and don't meet your goal on that day, whatever happens?

3) What are you going to do to evaluate your efforts of how you did that day with your goals? (Write in a journal at the end of the day, perhaps? record your challenges, record your successes, record your misses, record how you felt that day, etc.)

4) What are you going to do to reward yourself at the end of the day for your EFFORTS (not results)?

[beansmama]

Originally Posted by Kivgaen

I didn't say anything about pretending to believe in something that you don't believe. God, as I understand him, doesn't exist to me either...

BUT - but you can ignore the whole "submit to the greater power" part. Submit to your INNER power. What's within yourself. It's there -- whether you choose to believe it or not, YOU have the power.

Right now, You are choosing not to have that power. It doesn't really matter where you go for help or who you ask. If YOU don't believe it's possible, then you will sabotage your own efforts to get well.

It's a choice that you have to make. No-one else can make it for you -- YOU have to choose.

Are you ready to get well? Or not?

It's a simple question...

I do believe I have the power...I just want to go about it in a secular fashion, I don't think that's too much to ask for. That's not me NOT willing to get help - that's me not willing to put up with the 12 steps.

Take a look at them...how many are useful and how many are spiritual http://www.12step.org/

Also, I'd also like to point out here that the AA success rate is very dismal. Something like 5% or less success.

That's not too promising.

Clearly all that spirituality and giving yourself up isn't helping the vast majority of people with problems. Sure, it helps some (like my dad) - but I'd much rather go with something based in science, proven, and with a greater success rate.

[momtoS]

Why do you believe you are an alchol abuser and not an alcholic?

I thought that the constant craving for alchol was one of the major symptoms of being an alcholic?

I really hope you find the help you need.....and the help you DESERVE!

[annettemarie]

Rational Recovery appears to be a non-spiritual addiction program. I know nothing about its success rate and to be honest, the homepage kind of turns me off, but it might be what you're looking for.

Desiree, I think facing up to this is an incredible thing. You don't sound like you're quite ready to put a label on it yet, and that's fine. But recognizing there's a problem, admitting it publicly, seeking support-- these are all the first steps to making healthy, lasting changes both for you and for your family.

ETA: Here's a whole page of "rational and secular" recovery programs:
http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.or...l_secular.html

[beansmama]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Rational Recovery appears to be a non-spiritual addiction program. I know nothing about its success rate and to be honest, the homepage kind of turns me off, but it might be what you're looking for.

Desiree, I think facing up to this is an incredible thing. You don't sound like you're quite ready to put a label on it yet, and that's fine. But recognizing there's a problem, admitting it publicly, seeking support-- these are all the first steps to making healthy, lasting changes both for you and for your family.

ETA: Here's a whole page of "rational and secular" recovery programs:
http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.or...l_secular.html

Thank you for the resources!

[Kivgaen]

Originally Posted by beansmama

Take a look at them...how many are useful and how many are spiritual http://www.12step.org/

Okay, you are right... I am speaking of something that I know nothing about. I will dutifully do my research and examine the 12 steps in detail to see if what I am "preaching" is possible...

* Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable

This step appears to have no relationship whatsoever to God -- it's just about your body's reaction to alcohol.

* Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

You come to believe that a power within YOURSELF can restore you to sanity (if you tap into it).

* Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God

Yeah, that one sucks... so change it:

Make a decision to turn your will and your life over to your inner self. Your inner self is crying out in rebellion because you are not being true to yourself (Depression is a clear marker of this to me!). So change this step to: know thyself and live in accordance with the wishes of your true self. Know that when you are not drugged or inebrieated, that your true self will appear if you allow it the freedom to come out. Have faith in yourself that you can recognize your inner voice when it cries out, and listen to what it is trying to tell you. Submit yourself to your "true" self so that you can live harmoniously to recognize your true power, love, and way of life. May you always live in congruency with your true self.

* Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves

Basically the same step as Step 3, now that we've changed it.

* Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

Skip "God", and the rest of this step applies.

* Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character

"God" isn't removing the defects of character... but your inner self knows the defects and it will tell you, if you are willing to listen.

* Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings

You don't need God to remove them... You can do it yourself -- find your inner power.

* Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

This step has nothing to do with God.

* Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

Again -- nothing to do with God...

* Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it

God has left the building...

* Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out

Change it: Meditate to your inner self... Find your power -- you have it. It's there. Do you believe yet?

* Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

Help others -- you can even reach out to those athiests to say Yes! It CAN work, even if you don't believe in God. Look at me -- I did it!


AA isn't the whole solution... It's all about YOU. You CAN do it yourself -- but why should you have to, when there are support groups that you can go to and reach out to for assistance when you need it?

This is the start of a journey for you that may take a long time. Are you sure that you have the comittment to go it all alone? Why would you want to, when there are people out there who have been where you are, have done it before, know the pitfalls, know the same feelings that you have. Why wouldn't you take advantage of that resource if it were just an AA meeting away?

[beansmama]

Originally Posted by Kivgaen

Okay, you are right... I am speaking of something that I know nothing about. I will dutifully do my research and examine the 12 steps in detail to see if what I am "preaching" is possible...



This step appears to have no relationship whatsoever to God -- it's just about your body's reaction to alcohol.



You come to believe that a power within YOURSELF can restore you to sanity (if you tap into it).



Yeah, that one sucks... so change it:

Make a decision to turn your will and your life over to your inner self. Your inner self is crying out in rebellion because you are not being true to yourself (Depression is a clear marker of this to me!). So change this step to: know thyself and live in accordance with the wishes of your true self. Know that when you are not drugged or inebrieated, that your true self will appear if you allow it the freedom to come out. Have faith in yourself that you can recognize your inner voice when it cries out, and listen to what it is trying to tell you. Submit yourself to your "true" self so that you can live harmoniously to recognize your true power, love, and way of life. May you always live in congruency with your true self.



Basically the same step as Step 3, now that we've changed it.



Skip "God", and the rest of this step applies.



"God" isn't removing the defects of character... but your inner self knows the defects and it will tell you, if you are willing to listen.



You don't need God to remove them... You can do it yourself -- find your inner power.



This step has nothing to do with God.



Again -- nothing to do with God...



God has left the building...



Change it: Meditate to your inner self... Find your power -- you have it. It's there. Do you believe yet?



Help others -- you can even reach out to those athiests to say Yes! It CAN work, even if you don't believe in God. Look at me -- I did it!


AA isn't the whole solution... It's all about YOU. You CAN do it yourself -- but why should you have to, when there are support groups that you can go to and reach out to for assistance when you need it?

This is the start of a journey for you that may take a long time. Are you sure that you have the comittment to go it all alone? Why would you want to, when there are people out there who have been where you are, have done it before, know the pitfalls, know the same feelings that you have. Why wouldn't you take advantage of that resource if it were just an AA meeting away?

I'm sorry, I DO appreciate your desire to motivate me to do what is right...but you seem terribly fixates on AA.

You also seemed to completely skip the part about the success rate, which let's face it...IS important. If I need help, I want to get it from an effective place, which statistically, AA has proven to NOT be that.

And as someone who's attended numerous meetings in the past...AA is also a great place to hook up with people and party...which is what the majority of people in there are still doing. That's a fact.

[beansmama]

AHEM.

Let me clarify some things...because the general consensus seems to be "You're an alcoholic and in denial". And you are all wondering why I say I'm not an alcoholic.

I'm not splitting hairs here. Alcoholism is a serious thing and that term shouldn't be thrown around loosely. It has nothing to do with not wanting to label myself. I am willing to label myself...but with the proper label.

I do have an alcohol problem. I DO. I'm not in denial about that. The place I am in, mentally, right now is that I need to get my drinking under control. I believe that I'll be able to significantly lower the amount of alcohol I drink. It may not be super easy to start with or fun....but I believe it IS doable. And thankfully my DH is more than willing to accommodate me

Now, should I prove unable to, on my own, successfully get my drinking under control, then clearly I need to seek some outside help. I would probably talk to my doctor (OBGYN) first, then find a counselor. I don't feel at this point that's needed...YET.

But like I said...I'm giving myself this month to 'fix' this...that's step one. If step one fails...step two (doc & counseling) will come into play. With the quickness

Okay, back to why I'm not an alcoholic.

There is more than one type of drinking problem. It's not one size fits all, I guess you could say it's a spectrum? For those interested in the different types of alcohol problems, check out this:

http://www.naho.ca/english/pdf/types...l_problems.pdf

Full disclosure - once again, kinda sorta proving I'm not in denial - I've dealt with 6 of the 9 signs of harmful drinking (listed under alcohol abuse). Not every time I drink...but at one point or another they are true. In case you're curious which 6, they are 1,2,6,7,8 and 9. (I realize they aren't numbered...just count).

Psychological dependence. Yes. Check. I've stated that I use alcohol as a means to relax, or if I'm stressed. Not always, but in general...especially the relaxing part! It IS relaxing!

Alcohol dependence? NO.

I'm currently...and THANKFULLY...still in the stage of just wanting to drink. I don't NEED to drink. I drink often, and a lot, but not daily. When I don't drink I feel fine.

MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY.

This isn't me justifying or denying or rationalizing anything. It just is. These are the facts about my problem - which currently I'd label as abuse. I am an alcohol abuser...and it's creating a psychological dependence.

Back to what I said in my original post - I am heading towards alcoholism...but I am not an alcoholic.

My "craving" for alcohol can be equated to my craving for chocolate...which I also probably have a problem with. I want it and sometimes I'm just like, "Dang...I reaaally want some chocolate". Not, "I need some chocolate to function".

Alcoholism:
a chronic disorder characterized by dependence on alcohol, repeated excessive use of alcoholic beverages, the development of withdrawal symptoms on reducing or ceasing intake, morbidity that may include cirrhosis of the liver, and decreased ability to function socially and vocationally.

I bolded the word AND because it does matter. It's not "OR"...it's "AND".

Here is another link about the differences of alcohol problems and alcoholism: http://alcoholism.about.com/od/about/a/alcoholism.htm

I really hope I was clear enough in this post. My reason for sharing my problem in the first place wasn't to have people tell me I'm an alcoholic in denial...but I'm sure you all could've guessed that. Had I known it was going to go that way I wouldn't have posted at all.

I merely wanted some support in my effort to get my problem, which I'm not minimizing or in denial about, and if I was...I wouldn't have posted, under control.

Maybe some tips from people that have experienced needing to minimize their drinking, or suggestions on what to do instead of drinking...you know, that kinda thing.

So I really don't know what else to say here. I have done my research and am confident (I know I'm repeating this a lot, but I really want the point to get across) that I'm NOT an alcoholic, but I'm on my way if things don't change...and change quickly.

Being on your way isn't the same thing as being. There is research and facts on this - and I've looked into it, and I'm aware of all my actions and symptoms and am sure of this and myself.

If this isn't clear and everyone still things I'm in denial or whatever, I guess I'll just look to the people I know IRL for support. That's all.

[Purple Sage]

You obviously do not have to do AA. I don't blame you for not wanting to. I'm a Christian, and I don't want to do AA. And I'm an alcoholic. I never got to the point where I was dependent on alcohol or had major health problems or an inability to function normally in everyday life, but I AM an alcoholic. I know this because I tried what you're trying - to only drink so much on such and such days - and I couldn't do it. I can't drink at all because, as they say, one is too many and a thousand isn't enough.

Reading your posts is like reading my own journal from when I first suspected I had a problem.

I just want to offer some support and say that you do not have to do AA to quit if you find that trying to moderate your drinking does not work for you. Being sober, as in never drinking at all ever, is really not that bad. It is so much better than the life I was living when I was drinking.

[Kivgaen]

Originally Posted by beansmama

I'm sorry, I DO appreciate your desire to motivate me to do what is right...but you seem terribly fixates on AA.

You also seemed to completely skip the part about the success rate, which let's face it...IS important. If I need help, I want to get it from an effective place, which statistically, AA has proven to NOT be that.

And as someone who's attended numerous meetings in the past...AA is also a great place to hook up with people and party...which is what the majority of people in there are still doing. That's a fact.

I haven't clearly stated my reasons for that, so I'll state them clearly and then bow out of the discussion:

1) I believe that AA meetings are numerous and that it will be easy to find an AA meeting to attend

2) I believe that to be successful at a task, your chance of success INCREASES if you surround yourself with successful people.

3) I believe that a good place to find successful people to align yourself with is at an AA meeting

4) I believe that your chance of success increases if you have a good, rich support network, including friends, family, and yes, even strangers who have "BTDT" and can offer helpful tips/advice

5) I believe that it takes a lot of guts to stand up in front of a room full of strangers and publicly admit that you have a problem. I believe that it is very therapeutic.

As to your argument about the success rate, I direct you to this very informative article regarding the subject:
http://www.spiritualriver.com/what-i...ecovery-in-aa/

Here's a quote from the above article that sums up my position clearly:

If you are on the fence about going to AA, here is what I suggest you do: Ignore the success rates you hear about and give it a chance. Do this knowing that AA is the single biggest support system of recovery in the world. The program may not be perfect, but it’s the best our planet has. The alternatives might talk a big game, but they don’t have meetings in every city in the world. AA does. You can find support just about anywhere. And it’s technically free to boot.

I've said my peace. Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do. Your journey ahead is likely going to be long and challenging... but I know you have the power within to travel the road ahead and come out on top.

Good luck.

[beansmama]

Originally Posted by Purple Sage

You obviously do not have to do AA. I don't blame you for not wanting to. I'm a Christian, and I don't want to do AA. And I'm an alcoholic. I never got to the point where I was dependent on alcohol or had major health problems or an inability to function normally in everyday life, but I AM an alcoholic. I know this because I tried what you're trying - to only drink so much on such and such days - and I couldn't do it. I can't drink at all because, as they say, one is too many and a thousand isn't enough.

Reading your posts is like reading my own journal from when I first suspected I had a problem.

I just want to offer some support and say that you do not have to do AA to quit if you find that trying to moderate your drinking does not work for you. Being sober, as in never drinking at all ever, is really not that bad. It is so much better than the life I was living when I was drinking.

Thank you for your input! I really appreciate it...and yes, if it comes to it...and like you did, I fail at moderation...which IS possible...then I'll seek out the help and sober up completely.

It's not that I think sober life would be totally horrible or anything...it's just that I feel so young to say I'll never drink, ever, kwim? And I do enjoy it...those times when I don't go overboard or whatever (yes, those times DO happen!).

So...if I can manage to be moderate and keep my drinking to those enjoyable, not going overboard times...I want to do it. If I can't, well, I'm willing to let it go altogether.

My family is way more important to me than booze, handsdown. If I can't be moderate then I wont be...but in the positive way

[Kivgaen]

Originally Posted by beansmama

I really hope I was clear enough in this post. My reason for sharing my problem in the first place wasn't to have people tell me I'm an alcoholic in denial...but I'm sure you all could've guessed that. Had I known it was going to go that way I wouldn't have posted at all.

I merely wanted some support in my effort to get my problem, which I'm not minimizing or in denial about, and if I was...I wouldn't have posted, under control.

Maybe some tips from people that have experienced needing to minimize their drinking, or suggestions on what to do instead of drinking...you know, that kinda thing.

I posted this in a previous post, which seems to have gotten lost amongst all the AA talk:

[your suggestion about a direction to take] is a good starting point, and a solid goal to shoot for.

Don't stop there! Answer these questions as well:

1) What are you going to do instead of drinking when you have the urge to drink? (Pick a new, healthy habbit, that you CAN manage

2) What are you going to do when you slip up and don't meet your goal on that day, whatever happens?

3) What are you going to do to evaluate your efforts of how you did that day with your goals? (Write in a journal at the end of the day, perhaps? record your challenges, record your successes, record your misses, record how you felt that day, etc.)

4) What are you going to do to reward yourself at the end of the day for your EFFORTS (not results)?

Here are some suggestions that I can offer:

For 1: Drink water, chew gum, eat an apple or fruit, go for a quick power walk, etc.

For 2: Vow to not give up... one mistake or fall back does not mean that you have "failed"... you had a bad day. Journal the experience. Try to pinpoint what habbits drew you back into drinking. Figure out how to eliminate those habbits.

For 3: Write down how you feel... Good, encouraged, discouraged, angry, gittery, whatever...

For 4: Time to yourself reading a good book, playing a game on the computer (if that's your thing), time to be creative, time to paint, a cozy bath, etc... whatever you enjoy.

[beansmama]

Originally Posted by Kivgaen

I posted this in a previous post, which seems to have gotten lost amongst all the AA talk:



Here are some suggestions that I can offer:

For 1: Drink water, chew gum, eat an apple or fruit, go for a quick power walk, etc.

For 2: Vow to not give up... one mistake or fall back does not mean that you have "failed"... you had a bad day. Journal the experience. Try to pinpoint what habbits drew you back into drinking. Figure out how to eliminate those habbits.

For 3: Write down how you feel... Good, encouraged, discouraged, angry, gittery, whatever...

For 4: Time to yourself reading a good book, playing a game on the computer (if that's your thing), time to be creative, time to paint, a cozy bath, etc... whatever you enjoy.

Thank you for this...and I *did* see that top part...and thought about it (It's very similar to something I was reading at that moment too) and it's definitely good advice!

Yes, I think it did get lost amongst the AA talk

[Kivgaen]

Originally Posted by beansmama

Thank you for this...and I *did* see that top part...and thought about it (It's very similar to something I was reading at that moment too) and it's definitely good advice!

Yes, I think it did get lost amongst the AA talk

Look -- I'm sorry about that... I can get a little too one-sided when I am passionate about something.

I don't know much about Alcoholism, but addiction and depression are very real for me as well... And I KNOW that I couldn't get out of my depression and over my addictions if I didn't have outside help or support. I guess that was the main reason I was pushing AA so much is that I knew that AA is a very EASY way to find that support, if you are looking in the right places.

Anyway. I do wish you luck, whatever you decide to do.

[neveryoumindthere]

OK my post is going to be pretty different from the others.

First, I personally am not a fan of AA either, but for simplicity's sake, I'll keep it to myself.

IMO, I will say however that I think it's better to surround yourself with people whose lifestyle is like the one you want to achieve. Be around upbeat, positive people, ones who go for their goals, are interesting and exciting to be around. Isolation really is a killer.

Get some fresh air, sit up/shoulders back, breathe deeply, those are instant pick-me-ups after a hard day. Seriously!

When I read that you *craved* alcohol, it reminded me of when I did EFT (emotional freedom technique) training and we worked on cravings. And in every case, the craving was for more than just craving the item itself. In my case, for example, with chocolate, it was for a feeling of being loved, for another student a bag of chips reminded her of her loss of connection with her husband. Of course this unfolded throughout the process, we didn't realize these thigns off the bat.

check out emofree.com and do a search for 'cravings' or 'addiction' or 'alcohol'
There are practitioners that you can work with over the phone or online/skype. It is a very easy process and is really amazing and works fast!

Also, I think having a life coach could really help you to find things that you love to do, create new habits and help with goal setting. Having someone call you up weekly or every 2 wks and hold you accountable.

It's similar to having a personal trainer. It's harder to lose weight by just signing up for a gym, sometimes you go sometimes not, trying to use sheer 'willpower', but if you sign up for a personal trainer and set your appts for the next 6 months, and pay upfront, then you make sure to show up AND you have someone else cheer you on.

I also recommend getting a journal and writing down what it is you are feeling RIGHT BEFORE you crave a drink.

Lastly, have you ever asked your inner child what she is hiding from? It seems you are using alcohol to 'get away' or 'escape' some type of pain or an emotion you don't want to deal with. Write these down too. Really ask her, out loud, what it is she needs in this moment, what she's afraid of, what she needs from you, etc. You will be amazed at all the things she has to tell you. It may sound wacky, but truly sincerely do it and you will hear her 'voice' speaking back to you.

Can I also say how awesome I think you are for putting yourself out there and making yourself vulnerable and asking for help?

s and healing to you

[neveryoumindthere]

oops i see I mirrored some of Kiv's suggestion, missed that sorry!

[Purple Sage]

Originally Posted by beansmama

Thank you for your input! I really appreciate it...and yes, if it comes to it...and like you did, I fail at moderation...which IS possible...then I'll seek out the help and sober up completely.

It's not that I think sober life would be totally horrible or anything...it's just that I feel so young to say I'll never drink, ever, kwim? And I do enjoy it...those times when I don't go overboard or whatever (yes, those times DO happen!).

So...if I can manage to be moderate and keep my drinking to those enjoyable, not going overboard times...I want to do it. If I can't, well, I'm willing to let it go altogether.

My family is way more important to me than booze, handsdown. If I can't be moderate then I wont be...but in the positive way

It sounds like you've got a good grip on reality and it certainly doesn't hurt to give moderation a try.

I also agree that it's very important to find other forms of entertainment so that drinking isn't the number one thing you want to do to unwind, relax, let loose, or whatever. What else are you interested in? Things you used to do before you started drinking so frequently?

I love to read, so that was the first thing I started doing at night instead of having a bottle of wine. I couldn't read while drinking. Going places in the evening was another thing I started doing because I'd never drink and drive so that meant staying home most nights. Keeping busy is important.

Good luck and please keep us updated.

[lolar2]

It could also be that the Zoloft isn't working well enough and you're still self-medicating. I'd go to your OB sooner rather than later, because of that.