I drink too much... UPDATE POST 134 :) - Page 3

[beansmama]

Originally Posted by lolar2

It could also be that the Zoloft isn't working well enough and you're still self-medicating. I'd go to your OB sooner rather than later, because of that.

I've been thinking about having her up my dosage for awhile now actually. I think I'll call her tomorrow...she's really cool and said I could call her anytime with the PP stuff

[coleslaw]

I once read that people who have issues with simple sugars and wheat/gluten are susceptible to abusing alcohol. I dont' remember the specifics or who I was listening to when I heard it, but a program designed to address a person nutrition helped much more (like 75% or more) than AA. Just a thought. Maybe have your nutritional levels checked?

ETA: I see your are on Zoloft and B vitamins are good for depression. A lack of which could cause depression. Adding more whole grains and vegetables to your diet may help while you are trying to wean yourself off (or lower the consumption).

[beansmama]

Originally Posted by coleslaw

I once read that people who have issues with simple sugars and wheat/gluten are susceptible to abusing alcohol. I dont' remember the specifics or who I was listening to when I heard it, but a program designed to address a person nutrition helped much more (like 75% or more) than AA. Just a thought. Maybe have your nutritional levels checked?

ETA: I see your are on Zoloft and B vitamins are good for depression. A lack of which could cause depression. Adding more whole grains and vegetables to your diet may help while you are trying to wean yourself off (or lower the consumption).

Good point. I am definitely a junk food junkie. Big time. I'm working on my eating habits this month as well. Counting calories and trying to stick with the good stuff (less processed, more brown and less white...less junk).

I'm REALLY bad about taking my vitamins, but I do have multis here as well as a b complex, guess I'll set those out by my zoloft so I remember to take them!

[neveryoumindthere]

oh! coleslaw reminded me! In "The Mood Cure" by Julia Ross, they talk at length about alcohol cravings/addiction and how it relates to diet.

[Oubliette8]

What about trying regular therapy? It would be helpful for both the PPD AND the alcohol issue. Many therapists work with clients with addictions, I can't imagine they all rely on the 12 steps, in fact, I'd guess the 12 steps wouldn't be a big part of therapy. Honestly, as an atheist, 12 step programs turn me off too, I don't blame you for wanting something secular.

[Juvysen]

I drink more than I think I "should", too... I'll have a glass or two of wine or beer pretty much every night. For me it's not about the buzz - in fact I generally drink it slowly enough that I don't get a buzz and get annoyed if I do get one - it's about flavor, but I'm trying to quit (even though i just started back up after having the baby) because every time I quit I lose weight. So, for me, your likening it to craving chocolate is where I'm at... come to think of it, I tend to eat my chocolate slowly, too. Anyway, today was actually my first (ok, not first, but first day for weight loss purposes) day where I decided to just not have any. So far so good. It'll save us money, too, since we drink expensive stuff

[JElaineB]

Originally Posted by coleslaw

I once read that people who have issues with simple sugars and wheat/gluten are susceptible to abusing alcohol. I dont' remember the specifics or who I was listening to when I heard it, but a program designed to address a person nutrition helped much more (like 75% or more) than AA. Just a thought. Maybe have your nutritional levels checked?

ETA: I see your are on Zoloft and B vitamins are good for depression. A lack of which could cause depression. Adding more whole grains and vegetables to your diet may help while you are trying to wean yourself off (or lower the consumption).

Originally Posted by beansmama

Good point. I am definitely a junk food junkie. Big time. I'm working on my eating habits this month as well. Counting calories and trying to stick with the good stuff (less processed, more brown and less white...less junk).

I'm REALLY bad about taking my vitamins, but I do have multis here as well as a b complex, guess I'll set those out by my zoloft so I remember to take them!

If you are interested in working on the nutrition angle, I would recommend checking out Potatoes Not Prozac. The author actually discovered the way of eating she promotes by working with people with alcohol abuse issues. She found most of the people she worked with were sensitive (addicted) to sugar, and there is a connection to depression as well. She defintely advocates whole grains, proteins and fats over refined carbohydrates.

[IowaAngela]

At this stage, I don't see why labeling it anything matters. What matters is that you see a negative thing in your life that you want to get a handle on, right?

I went through a period of problem drinking too - probably drinking about the same amount as you. I was able to significantly reduce my drinking taking the following steps (in this order)

- Switch from wine to spritzers (basically cut the alcohol in half without cutting volume)
- Started buying cheap wine that I didn't care for much (so I naturally diluted them even more !)
- Made myself alternate spritzer with a non-alcoholic drink all night
- Only let myself have spritzers every other nigh (but I still drank something yummy from my wine glass on alcohol free nights)

For me a big part was just the habit of having a beverage in hand in the evenings. So I let mysef keep that habit while slowly reducing and removing the alcohol.

This all took place about 10 years ago ( wow!!! i'm old...) Now I almost never drink. I might have a glass of wine at Thanksgiving... or not. Seriously, one or two glasses a year is my consumption level now. Although it has been 3 years since my last drink due to pregnancy/breastfeeding.

Of course, your results may vary... and it is great that you are open to the idea of getting outside help if your solo efforts fail. But I wanted to share my story to show that it is possible for a problem drinker to cut back. Stay honest with yourself, but yes you can absolutely vastly improve your life by cutting back on drinking without giving it up completely...and the more sober nights you have in a row, the easier and better it gets!

s

[larksongs]

I guess I'm posting here just to publicly shame myself into sobering up my act. I don't want to quit drinking. Hah. Of course I don't, right? But I definitely want to cut it waaaaaaay back. Hell, I'd be happy with once a weekend...less is probably ideal, but I'm being realistic here. I'm young and do enjoy having fun...I just don't want that fun to start being not-fun...which is kinda happening now.

Does this post make sense at all? I guess I just need some advice from people that have BTDT.

I DON'T want to go to AA. Like I said above - I don't feel like I'm an alcoholic (but geez, I realize all alcoholics say that, so I'm not sure I'm really coming across here...) but I'm definitely an "alcohol abuser/binge drinker" which is like, what, one step under full blown alcoholism?

How do I tone down the drinking and when I do drink...how can I do so more responsibly? meaning, a buzz is okay...blacking out at the end of the night...NOT.

Oh - and on another note, I'm atheist so please don't recommend any spiritual-type books, what-have-you's

Thanks for reading this embarrassing gibberish. I really hope I don't get mean responses. I'm scared...be nice please? Please?[/QUOTE]

underlined part mine

I used to drink in a similar fashion . Not every other day but I would drink on the weekends and consume a lot when I would . I always drank to get pretty tipsy and never enjoyed the feeling of just one drink. I basically just quit when my son got older. I always drank responsibly. There was never a situation where I was alone with my son under the influence when he was younger. And drinking and driving is EVIL, I would never do it and wouldn't want to know a person who did it.

Anyway,I came to stop drinking that way because I didn't want my son to grow up with a mother who had a drink in her hand. But I didn't quit and say never again because I didn't have a problem. I had a habit of drinking on the weekends and the way I enjoyed my drinks was semi binging. But I didn't black out or anything.

I had an alcoholic mother . I remember how gross it was when I was old enough to realize that my mom had a problem. That's really why I rarely drink now just because from my son's perspective , interacting with a drunken person all of the time is gross and weird. Seeing a parent enjoy a few drinks very very occasionally is kind of funny, but all the time very, very icky. Even if they aren't a mean drunk, a child does reach an age when they know their mom is 'off'. It happened to me and it was very unpleasant.

I promise you that as your child grows they will be far more understanding and forgiving of a crabby frazzled and even occasionally snippy mother than they will be of an inebriated one.

Any who, For me it wasn't a matter of swearing it off as much as it was a matter of fact sort of outgrowing of the weekend drinking. I never got the feeling like I couldn't have alcohol in the house or I'd drink it. I have two bottles of wine in the fridge right now that I use solely for cooking. I bought a bottle of gin several years ago that I still have not opened since I stopped drinking almost completely.

Drinking for me was also a social thing with a group of friends . We had weekend dinner parties and we'd all cook together and the wine and gin would flow and then I don't know we just all sort of switched to coffee and tea lol. It was just....time...We were getting older, my son was getting older and it was time.

Another thing for me was that I am a paranoid mama lol. I need to feel comfortable 100% that my son is monitored well if I decide to drink, so the last time I drank was at a big wedding. It was a safe environment and I had fun and my son had fun and it was all good. I see no reason to make alcohol a bigger deal than it is or to demonize it or anything. It's what people do when they are drunk that makes it so unpleasant.Or when they are drinking so frequently that they are getting weird.

The bottom line for me is that drinking in moderation , or having a small glass of wine isn't my thing the way having one spoonful of quality ice cream isn't my thing. I either want the whole deal or nothing.

I 'think' it might be similar for you. You basically just have to choose the nothing where you feel it is inappropriate. Right now it's inappropriate but you know that so I think cold turkey is the way to go and enjoyment of it when it is appropriate could probably be ok.

I never felt the need to swear alcohol off completely because it never did anything to my life that made me need to. I think maybe you are in a habit cycle and like anything else you just need to undo it. For me I was in a weekend habit cycle and wasn't really even consciously choosing to drink so many drinks. Now if I drink I am choosing to drink a few drinks and I don't feel bad because it's not part of a habit cycle and it happens so rarely . Once every couple of years, if that, at some big shindig .

I would recommend AGAINST AA. I am also an atheist . But I don't even recommend against it for that reason. My mom went to AA and it didn't work for her and she DID have a problem. A very very serious one. Maybe she met the wrong people. But I don't think that everyone who decides they want to stop drinking so much needs AA. Some people just need to stop drinking so much and can do it. I don't necessarily even think that craving alcohol makes one an alcoholic. I think if it's something you are doing frequently , you will crave it for a while the way a person craves coffee in the morning, or a certain food they are used to having in the house.

Anyway you can PM me if you want, if you ever want to vent

You are on the right track and you can do it

[Purple*Lotus]

I wanted to offer my support of you in this journey

I think seeing a therapist is a great idea. There are many who specialize in addictions and would be secular as well. Good luck!

[corysmilk]

I am an alcoholic! I had an adversion to AA fro a long time because my father spewed his AA crap at me for years. My meetings saved my life and my family. too bad you don't live here, there are alot of my friends who don't belive, and use the group as their higher power.

denial has many forms. if you can get your hands on the big book you should try to read some of it. its not all preachy, there is even a chaper for the agnostic. read page 417, its my favortite. the people in those meeting just want you to have a good life, happy joyous and free. tell them you don't belive in God, and you don't have to do all the steps, some of the best and nicestand sober peope I know are only on step 5. it really is a program about you, and for you.

I hope you do get the help the you need, whatever that is.
FYI, I never got the shakes, but I did start to black out. every alcoholic is diffrent. but we all wan tthe same thing, too live happy lives!!

good luck, its a hard long journey, but so worth it
Elizabeth

[Grace and Granola]

I just couldn't read your post without replying. I really hope you find what you're looking for.

The part you wrote about your daughter and how you're more fun and she really enjoys it....I was your daughter. My mom was that mom. My mom was not good at coping with life, especially the hard parts. I assume parenting was hard. She was a single, working mother. She drank to unwind. When she drank, she was fun and we played and we danced. I have fond memories of those times. I was about 5 when those fun memories end. I don't know if my mom's drinking changed or if I just didn't need that silly giggly mom anymore. My mom was always functional. She always held a job, never got a dui, never left me anywhere. I don't think the drinking got worse, but it became what my mom looked forward to. She didn't look forward to me and hearing about my day or helping me with homework. She looked forward to her glass of wine. I spent my entire childhood trying to get my mom's attention away from the wine and on to ME. It never happened. When she wasn't drinking, she was grouchy, so she drank, then she slept, then she had a hangover, so she was grouchy, so she drank etc. etc. My mom said she didn't have a problem. How could she if she was so functional? I was cheated out of a mom. My mom is 58 years old and just got sober last year. Because she needs a liver transplant. Now she wants to talk to me. NOW!

I know you're not my mom. I KNOW But you said you have alcoholism in your family. It's a slippery slope, isn't it? When I was a teen I was afraid of becoming an alcoholic. I didn't drink until I was in college and tried it and I liked it. When I started wanting to party every weekend, and did for a while, I quickly recognized that I just needed to stop. That stuff can swallow you up before you even realize it.

I think you should commit to your plan, but set an absolute end date. As in, If I can stick to once per week for an entire month, then I'm ok. But please do not stop and start and keep trying again with no end in sight. Commit to that for your kids. As Dr. Phil says, you don't stop a bad habit, you replace an old habit with a new habit. Find things you like to do that will keep your hands and your mouth busy! Chew gum, cook, knit, garden....what do you love?

I seriously wish you the best. I just needed to speak up for your daughter.

[kavamamakava]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Rational Recovery appears to be a non-spiritual addiction program. I know nothing about its success rate and to be honest, the homepage kind of turns me off, but it might be what you're looking for.

Desiree, I think facing up to this is an incredible thing. You don't sound like you're quite ready to put a label on it yet, and that's fine. But recognizing there's a problem, admitting it publicly, seeking support-- these are all the first steps to making healthy, lasting changes both for you and for your family.

ETA: Here's a whole page of "rational and secular" recovery programs:
http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.or...l_secular.html

Make sure you start here and go through the Bullets for the Beast https://rational.org/index.php?id=36

[beansmama]

Originally Posted by Grace and Granola

I just couldn't read your post without replying. I really hope you find what you're looking for.

The part you wrote about your daughter and how you're more fun and she really enjoys it....I was your daughter. My mom was that mom. My mom was not good at coping with life, especially the hard parts. I assume parenting was hard. She was a single, working mother. She drank to unwind. When she drank, she was fun and we played and we danced. I have fond memories of those times. I was about 5 when those fun memories end. I don't know if my mom's drinking changed or if I just didn't need that silly giggly mom anymore. My mom was always functional. She always held a job, never got a dui, never left me anywhere. I don't think the drinking got worse, but it became what my mom looked forward to. She didn't look forward to me and hearing about my day or helping me with homework. She looked forward to her glass of wine. I spent my entire childhood trying to get my mom's attention away from the wine and on to ME. It never happened. When she wasn't drinking, she was grouchy, so she drank, then she slept, then she had a hangover, so she was grouchy, so she drank etc. etc. My mom said she didn't have a problem. How could she if she was so functional? I was cheated out of a mom. My mom is 58 years old and just got sober last year. Because she needs a liver transplant. Now she wants to talk to me. NOW!

I know you're not my mom. I KNOW But you said you have alcoholism in your family. It's a slippery slope, isn't it? When I was a teen I was afraid of becoming an alcoholic. I didn't drink until I was in college and tried it and I liked it. When I started wanting to party every weekend, and did for a while, I quickly recognized that I just needed to stop. That stuff can swallow you up before you even realize it.

I think you should commit to your plan, but set an absolute end date. As in, If I can stick to once per week for an entire month, then I'm ok. But please do not stop and start and keep trying again with no end in sight. Commit to that for your kids. As Dr. Phil says, you don't stop a bad habit, you replace an old habit with a new habit. Find things you like to do that will keep your hands and your mouth busy! Chew gum, cook, knit, garden....what do you love?

I seriously wish you the best. I just needed to speak up for your daughter.

Thank you for this. Thankfully it's not to that point yet, with my daughter (I'll typically have one drink, if any, and then she goes to bed...so she's not really seeing much - but yes, she does see me more "relaxed") but I can definitely see it heading there.

The looking forward to unwinding with a glass of wine vs. talking with Dd...although, funny enough, I LOVE hearing about her day - but she'd rather tell me about video game techniques...I blame her dad (my xh).

I can't respond to everyone right now...it's 6am, been up since 5am (thanks, ds,lol!) and I'm nak'ing

Last night Dh came home and we ended up getting in a fight about his job...which is a TOTALLY different thread...ugh. Anyway, I was very stressed and ANGRY and of course it got in my head that I should walk to the store (a stones throw away!) and get a bottle of wine.

That'd show him...

But...I didn't. Instead I stormed off and took a shower and went to bed early.

Maybe that's not the healthiest way to deal with a disagreement, I can admit that...but it's better than drinking. And...I feel good about that.

Oh, and that Potatoes and Prozac stuff sounds interesting!! I read the sugar sensitive info and that is SO ME...to a T!

I am so moody and love sugary stuff and carbs and !!!!! I don't have the money for a book right now, but the site is pretty informative and I plan on starting step 1 today.

Thank you all so much!

[Purple Sage]

Originally Posted by kavamamakava

Make sure you start here and go through the Bullets for the Beast https://rational.org/index.php?id=36

Wow, this is great! This is pretty much the exact same mental exercise I used to quit (and keep using to stay sober).

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by beansmama

But...I didn't. Instead I stormed off and took a shower and went to bed early.

Maybe that's not the healthiest way to deal with a disagreement, I can admit that...but it's better than drinking. And...I feel good about that.

Actually I think that sounds like a very healthy way to deal with a disagreement. What do we do with our kids when they are fussy and overstimulated? Water play and an early bedtime, right?

[Juvysen]

Originally Posted by beansmama

Oh, and that Potatoes and Prozac stuff sounds interesting!! I read the sugar sensitive info and that is SO ME...to a T!

I am so moody and love sugary stuff and carbs and !!!!! I don't have the money for a book right now, but the site is pretty informative and I plan on starting step 1 today.

Thank you all so much!

Luckily, if you quit drinking, you'll have money for a book in no time!

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by lolar2

Actually I think that sounds like a very healthy way to deal with a disagreement. What do we do with our kids when they are fussy and overstimulated? Water play and an early bedtime, right?

Totally agree.

OP, I think you handled the situation beautifully, and maybe even better then I might have handled it.

[mouso]

op, there used to be a group called Moderation Management. I don't know how religious it is or not, but it is focused on cutting back instead of completely cutting out. I have a friend who looked into it and liked it.

As for AA, I do know people who aren't religious (at all!) who it did work for- they are still clean- immediate family members, etc. But I think often it depends on the person more than the program. What they really dug about AA was the instant community support- that when you feel like the only person in the world who can't drink normally you have a group of friends who remind you you are not alone. Haha, it's very social. I was an AA kid, grew up at meetings and parties and discos with my dad.
Anyway, don't mean to push AA at all, just giving you the perspective I've heard in case you ever want to give it a chance.

It sounds like you have a good plan in place to see if you can stop. Addiction of any kind is a tough road. I wish you strength and peace.

[treeny]

How about trying a new hobby with your husband. Our family went through some bad times. My husband stopped drinking heavily. We started mountain biking together. After every ride we feel great. I understand why people become addicted to exercise. I get a great high after biking. I feel that this exercise has also helped my husband with his depression. Life is getting better slowly. Force yourself to do activities with your daughter. You may feel uptight at first, but slowly you may come out of that shell. I have a hard time dancing in public without having a drink to relax me. I force myself to go out and dance sober. Eventually I become relaxed and enjoy dancing. I wish you luck and send good thoughts to you.