What to say and do? Two funerals coming up this week.

[foodymama]

Tomorrow I will be going to my cousin's grandmother's funeral (not my grandmother, the other side of her family). However, her 29 week old sweet baby boy died today at 10 days old. I am so sad that they have to go through any of this. I'm not saying it's easier to loose an older person but she was sick and they were expecting it. But for their baby boy they had such hope and the Dr.'s were very encouraged and said he was doing really well.

I know everyone's mind will be on the baby tomorrow so what do I say and do?

I have never had to deal with the loss of a baby in our family before.

[writteninkursive]

How did it go? Did you think of some things to say?

[foodymama]

Thank you for asking. At the first funeral I of course asked them the typical how are you doing and they said that they were trying not to think of it. I didn't have anything planned to say but I am a Christian and I believe that if you pray for help the words will just come. So I responded that what ever they were feeling was okay and that they should just feel it.

At the baby's funeral I was more emotional so I didn't have much to say to them at the funeral home or the church. I did help my aunt with the luncheon so that I could feel useful. But afterwards I waited until things got calmer and most people left and asked if they would be interested in hearing what my DD has been saying about their sweet baby boy. I think they were happy I told them. DD was talking about him constantly and always wanting to see his picture. On the day he died I knew I had to tell her something about the baby and told her that he wasn't here with us anymore and that he went to live with God. She responded by saying happy and I told her that now he isn't sick anymore he is happy just like she said. It has been an ongoing thing with her, she really seems to have some sort of connection to him (he died on her birthday so that makes me wonder?). Before the funeral she was playing with him and after the funeral she declared to me that she was calling God on her play phone to talk to him. And all of these events took place without any prompting and she didn't attend the funeral so she wasn't exposed to a lot of discussion about him.

But I did ask my cousin last week if they wanted to hear more about DD's conversations and they seemed really interested so I told them and they were fine with it. I read some where that the worse thing for parents who lost a child is that they are afraid the child will be forgotten but he definitely isn't forgotten in our home and I let them know that. I also found some really good quotes in the resources from this forum's sticky and I wrote those in the sympathy card. In her thank you card she thanked me for the quotes so I think they must have liked them.

I seem to have written a lot here but I feel like I didn't do too much. I still feel a bit helpless. My cousin mentioned to me before the baby died that she would like to learn to crochet. I crocheted him a little hat and gave it to her as a gift in the hospital (they buried him with it). So I thought maybe I would ask her if she would want me to teach her how to crochet but then I thought that maybe she mentioned it just so that she could make things for him as well. So now I have mixed feeling about asking her that. There really is nothing easy about death.