I'm going through my second divorce...
And I have to disagree with taking responsibility for it to an extent. I agree it's good to own and see the bad choices of getting involved with someone who likely exhibited some kind of flags... but I don't want any woman to feel they have to take responsibility for being abused. There is no shame in leaving a man who abused you and it is not your fault that he treated you that way. You did not make him treat you that way.
And quite honestly, not all abusers exhibit bad behavior right from the start... how else do you think they hook you in?
Sorry this just hit me wrong because STBX yells at me at least once a week about owning up to my part in what made this marriage fail. Sorry, I did not cause him to abuse me so no, I will not own up to that. And I worked my butt off trying to live by his rules etc... what he sees I did wrong was at the end when I started to be a person instead of an insect under his thumb.
I will own that I have had a history of choosing abusers, and I know why that is, and I most certainly have my eyes more open now and will continue to stay in counseling... that is as far as my owning to anything goes... but I will not ever own being part of breaking up my marriage... ex chose that with how he chose to treat us.
You can "own up to it" without that having anything to do with him. Do that in your own time with your own people. I do think that it's an important step. Better if it's not in a self-loathing, self-critical way. A calm acknowledgement of reality is probably best.
My ex gave me that line too.