Am I crazy?

[tracymom1]

Been lurking here for a while...

Okay, so for all intents and purposes, I am not trying to conceive, but lets just say that I happen to know I am ovulating, intentionally seduce my husband and forget about condoms.....

Its not that we don't want any more children - its just that we kind of have our hands full with a 2 1/2 year old and 10 month old and "decided" to wait until next year to try again- but I just have an intense desire to have another baby sooner rather than later. DH does not know I have been thinking like this but would definitely discourage it if he did - though I also know that he would be thrilled with another baby.

Is anyone else out there kind of ttc without letting their partner in on this? Or is anyone else trying to have back-to-back babies? Am I totally nuts??!! I just don't know what to do with myself!!!

[echospiritwarrior]

I don't think you're nuts I've been there myself the *thinking* part of such a scenario but I could NEVER go through with that! I can't carry the guilt like that for the rest of my life. It is unethical to purposely do something like that.

I didn't act on it, but what I did do was write my DH a letter listing why I felt like another LO was in the stars for us and he finally came around.

Yes, it's a very emotionally rough time, but I am SO SO SO glad I've waited it out. Now I KNOW we're in this together.

Good luck to you. There is a tribe here some where of wanting another but spouse/partner isn't ready, maybe you could commiserate some over there while your husband comes around.

[hdirks]

We are trying to have back to back babies, but my husband wants that as well so we are both trying.

[MaerynPearl]

my method... was to tell DF I wanted a baby and leave birth control 100% up to him.

Told him I was charting, told him if he asked I would tell him what part of my cycle I was in, but left the not having babies decision up to him.

This was in November when I left after welcoming him home from Iraq. Between then and December I told him multiple times I would be ovulating shortly after he got home for Christmas and he would be 100% responsible for not getting me pregnant.

his first night home (well like 4am) in the hotel room... he asked me if it was safe. I told him no. He said he didnt care (dont you love the heat of the moment things like that?) and alas, our little girl is due in September.

We had been actively TTC up to that point trying our hardest to conceive, but then it would have made our wedding harder with me being pregnant. Indeed it did! his church will not allow us to get married there if I am pregnant... so we are having a little family picnic and a minister who is also a military veteran has offered his services to us free of charge (of course we are going to give him a nice thank-you gift for that!)

So... in a way I was in your shoes but in a way I wasnt.

I think it would be unethical to trick him into getting you pregnant. It would NOT be unethical to tell him that you want another baby and he is 100% in charge of birth control if he does not.

[tracymom1]

Originally Posted by MaerynPearl

my method... was to tell DF I wanted a baby and leave birth control 100% up to him.

This is pretty much what I think I am going to do. Its not like he doesn't know the risks or I would be "tricking" him as he is the one who would be responsible for WEARING the condom, KWIM?

[MaerynPearl]

as long as he is aware that you want another and are leaving it 100% up to him and will not remind him if you notice he is without... and you only have to say it once as long as he does hear you and shows he understands, you are not being deceitful.

[ozark]

Originally Posted by tracymom1

Been lurking here for a while...

Okay, so for all intents and purposes, I am not trying to conceive, but lets just say that I happen to know I am ovulating, intentionally seduce my husband and forget about condoms.....

Its not that we don't want any more children - its just that we kind of have our hands full with a 2 1/2 year old and 10 month old and "decided" to wait until next year to try again- but I just have an intense desire to have another baby sooner rather than later. DH does not know I have been thinking like this but would definitely discourage it if he did - though I also know that he would be thrilled with another baby.

Is anyone else out there kind of ttc without letting their partner in on this? Or is anyone else trying to have back-to-back babies? Am I totally nuts??!! I just don't know what to do with myself!!!

Boy. I've been in your situation up until very recently (well, minus the 10 month old). I feel like I am qualified to say " Giiiiiiirl, I feel ya" about everything EXCEPT the bolded statements. I know it's so hard to wait until your DH is ready for another, but I really feel like it wouldn't exactly be the right thing to do to just 'forget' to remind DH that you're fertile before he sperminates you. I'm not saying it's lying, but it's just not something that seems very honest. It could really hurt your DH if he knew you were being sort of sneaky about it.

I think that the best thing you can do here is really plead your case, and wait for DH to come around.


* I hope none of this has made you feel attacked or belittled. I'm burnt out from writing a paper this evening, and want to make sure you understand that my tone is meant to be understanding and supportive

[Baby_Cakes]

Oh, OP...I just couldn't do it. I've thought about it, oh, I've thought about it... but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't knowingly deceive my husband. I want him to want another baby, I don't want to trick him or trap him, or force it on him. I don't think that I would get the reaction I want, and then where would I be?

And it's not just the pregnancy. It's YEARS. Years of that child's life of you and him joking and telling people that last baby was an "accident", when you KNOW in the back of your mind it wasn't. Having to live with that? I couldn't do it.

Come join us in the Wanting but Waiting tribe. Or come post on the Waiting for Partner to be Ready thread.

You're treading in some tricky waters with these thoughts -- you need support and a place to talk about your feelings! We are here for you!

[pinkgeek]

I agree with Baby_Cakes and others on the OP, but I really like MaerynPearl's method. Then, you're not tricking him in any way. He's been made aware of what you want, he's being offered the information necessary to make an informed decision, it's up to him to decide to use that information or not before taking any actions.

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by MaerynPearl

I think it would be unethical to trick him into getting you pregnant. It would NOT be unethical to tell him that you want another baby and he is 100% in charge of birth control if he does not.

This, all the way.

[Banana731]

Originally Posted by MaerynPearl

I think it would be unethical to trick him into getting you pregnant. It would NOT be unethical to tell him that you want another baby and he is 100% in charge of birth control if he does not.

ITA. I think it's best when everyone's cards are on the table, so to speak!

[Sharlla]

with my last we dtd 3 days before ovulation. i told dh the day before that the next day would be condom day but didnt remind him the next day. hes well aware of this now.
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[Banana731]

Originally Posted by tracymom1

Been lurking here for a while...

Okay, so for all intents and purposes, I am not trying to conceive, but lets just say that I happen to know I am ovulating, intentionally seduce my husband and forget about condoms.....

so what I still want to know is-is this what you're dreaming of or what you did last night?

In the meantime you could start going through all your infant stuff, of course, right in front of DH. That's a good hint.