talk to me about talking to him.

[aileen]

how much did you tell your son about retraction before it happened?
my little one is nearly three, has had no problems (except for another doctor attempting to retract him and stopped by mama - it really does happen fast...) and i realize it could be some time before his foreskin is retractable, but lately i've found myself wondering if i should gently "warn" him a little that there's another "layer" to the whole thing.
what have you said/done?
has anyone had a little one who was alarmed or confused?
am i just overthinking it because i have a super sensitive little person?
thanks. mamas.
(mods, please re-direct if needed.)

[Greg B]

When our sons were small, we did not know as much as we should have. So periodically we would ask if they could retract. We didn't start asking until they were 10 yrs old or so.

In retrospect, I would not do this. There is no need for it that I can see. And all I think we accomplished was to heighten their awareness that something could be wrong if they could not retract, which is not necesaarily true.

Regards

[MommytoB]

My son is almost 6 I share with him some doctors may try to do wrong things & pull back your foreskin but mommy will stop them for you or at least try too. Remember if a Doctor Tries to Touch Your Penis You Say Hands Off of my Penis .

I explain to him that your foreskin can pull back & willl only will when your ready for it too. It may only be partially retracted but one of these days when you have your morning woods your pee hole including yoour glans may be fully exposed which is normal.

Then after you pee your foreskin should come bak to regular flaccid state just make sure it covers up your pee hole .

I don't ask him about his retraction but he's not afraid to share his retraction abilities .

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Ds is 5 and I havnt spoken to him at all about retraction other than reminding him that playing with it should be done in private He still hasnt gotten that quiet yet

[Tiana]

I haven't had to deal with this yet, as my son is not quite 11 months, but I don't plan on 'forewarning' him about retraction, no. I figure he'll figure it out by himself sooner or later. (Judging by how much he likes to manhandle his penis, I think it might be sooner.) If he retracts it at some point and it worries him, I'm sure he'll come to me and ask.

I never told my daughter that her labia can open up and there is 'stuff' in there, and she managed to discover that just fine on her own, so I assume my son will as well.

[knucklehead]

I think it's possible to go too far the other way and not tell them anything. I think a boy or girl should have a basic understanding of what to expect of their genitals as they develop. Letting them "discover things on their own" is fine to a point but if they are embarrassed or confused and don't ask for clarification they may come to believe that there is something wrong with themselves. For example a boy who becomes retractable may notice smegma and think they are dirty or that something is wrong. This is the sort of thing we want to avoid (there are enough people out their who already think intact penises are dirty) Educating our children on how things work, what to expect etc. is healthy in my opinion.

[Tiana]

Originally Posted by knucklehead

I think it's possible to go too far the other way and not tell them anything. I think a boy or girl should have a basic understanding of what to expect of their genitals as they develop. Letting them "discover things on their own" is fine to a point but if they are embarrassed or confused and don't ask for clarification they may come to believe that there is something wrong with themselves. For example a boy who becomes retractable may notice smegma and think they are dirty or that something is wrong. This is the sort of thing we want to avoid (there are enough people out their who already think intact penises are dirty) Educating our children on how things work, what to expect etc. is healthy in my opinion.

I agree with you. I think children should have questions about their bodies answered honestly and straight-forwardly (is that a word?), and I believe they should be forewarned about the body changes that come with puberty, etc. I hope my post didn't come across as sounding like I keep (and am planning to continue to keep) my kids in the dark about everything.

I just don't think this particular thing needs a discussion. I seriously doubt any boy is going to be scared or worried about retraction. Or smegma, for that matter. It would just be what's normal to him, unless told otherwise. And I worry that a constant influx of 'This is normal; don't worry, you're totally normal' might put the idea into his head that perhaps he's not, and that's why Mum/Dad/etc keep saying that. I mean, I don't know any parent that tells children, 'Don't worry, sneezing/tooting/yawning/stretching/etc is normal'. I think kids (and people in general) tend to believe their bodies are completely normal until given a reason not to.

As for the concern about smegma, my daughter is currently obsessed with hers. I've never said it has anything to do with being 'dirty' and she's never come to that idea on her own. She just says it's itchy and wipes it away (or asks me to with a baby wipe). I don't think my son will make any smegma = dirty assumptions on his own, either.

(Whew! That got longer than I meant. )

[PlainandTall]

I do think that boys should have information about how their body works explained to them. I don't think they need to be pressured or coerced to do anything at such a young age... but I think, especially for boys who have brothers/friends/peers who are circumcised- that a little bit of information goes a long way.

I'm a member of another community which has people of both sexes and all ages- and I'm frequently shocked by posts from young men who are intact who have never retracted their foreskin and did not even know this was possible! Usually the topic starts with some young guy with phimosis (not springing from a problem- but springing for a reluctance to ever challenge his foreskin to retract ever) who is thinking about getting circumcised and then some of the intact guys will chime in and say, "Don't do it, just practice stretching it... blah blah...." then some other guy will be like- "Wait wut? It goes back?" and then there will be a dogpile on him for being so clueless... I would not assume that guys will just figure this out... there is so little information out there! Because it may be a little uncomfortable at first- and because the inside really looks like internal body to a person who isn't used to seeing their glans exposed- many boys assume that they would be hurting themself to investigate further. Knowledge is power. I'd much rather have my sons learn about this from me than a bunch of snarky guys on the internet when he's a teenager.

[MommytoB]

Totally retraction is a part of our son's life and I don't want him to one day wake up finding his foreskin not covering his glans during his morning wood time if he was not aware of that possiblity of happening he may end up freaking out .

Yeah, some guys may not even mess with themselves or know that their foreskin can go back then freak out during intimate relation when his foreskin starts to bleed.

I'm thinking those may be the ones that are guys being intimate before 18 because full retraction may not happen until the guy is 18 sometimes so he may be making it retract during dtd which may make it tear if it was still attached .

Then I half wonder if some of the women who ended up intimate with boys at a young age that maybe their bf may still not quite had a fully developed intact penis hence may still been covered up even during erection time hence how some women may end up saying my ex bf was so gross looking and how they say that it didn't feel any different to them circ'ed vs intact.

So us who have experienced a fully developed intact penis in intimate relations we may say we prefer it more .

[titania8]

recently my 4.5 year old asked what 'that' is in there (glans). i told him it was part of his penis, but in retrospect i should probably have told him the name of it. his brother had just moments before asked me what the 'little round ball i'm playing with' was called (had his hand in his pants) and i told him it was a testicle, so i should have probably have told j his glans is in there, not just more of his penis. knowing these guys i'm sure it will come up again!