Sigh. This is a vent.
I was "let go" from my job as of June 1, under suspicious-but-ultimately-unprovable circumstances. (The problem with working for lawyers is they know exactly what they can and can't get away with.) I was/am the primary breadwinner, though we do have assets that can see us through a pretty long bout of unemployment (so the financial aspects do not weigh as heavily on me as they might). As my termination was due to "economic factors" and not performance, I will be eligible for unemployment compensation--and, scarily enough, food stamps, WIC, and all that if I want them (because there's no asset test in Wisconsin, only income).
Compounding this: I am 33 weeks pregnant. I am a lawyer. Many, many legal employers still see reproductive-age women (and new mothers in particular) as a liability. I am sending out resumes, but am not particularly expecting to have a job lined up before I can wear non-maternity clothes to an interview.
I guess I'm just feeling angry and bitter, now that I'm off work and have nothing but time on my hands. "But you'll be able to rest and get ready for the baby! I'm jealous!" I hear from just about everyone. I know they're well meaning but it's not helpful. I do much better when I have externally imposed structure, a place to go that's not the local coffee shop with the free Wifi. Yes, I'm well-rested but it's not helping my mental health.
We planned this baby (though he was conceived much faster than we expected) based on my former job--the hours, salary, working conditions (quite decent pay, though nearly no benefits; 40-50 hours/week; night work was predictable; minimal-to-no weekend work). Now I have to go back out into a crappy market, competing with all the new grads (I have one year of experience, which will help but not massively), and hope I end up with something that pays enough (or has good benefits and/or no commute to compensate), that doesn't expect 2000+ billable hours a year (or at least, doesn't require all those hours be done in the office or in court), that I don't hate.
I don't know. I feel cheated. Instead of enjoying my last few weeks of work (a great distraction from the discomforts of pregnancy) and then enjoying my time with my son while knowing exactly when I'll need to be ready to return to work and what that work will entail, I'll be job-searching. Then, hopefully, starting a new job, while navigating things like pumping and sleeping and all that.
I also know I need to snap out of this, for my own health and that of the baby, but it's not easy. My usual coping devices (brood for a day or two, snap into lawyer mode and go all out, completely clean and reorganize my whole house in a day as a distraction) are not as available to me as they usually are (hormones, physical limitations).
Thanks for "listening."
I was "let go" from my job as of June 1, under suspicious-but-ultimately-unprovable circumstances. (The problem with working for lawyers is they know exactly what they can and can't get away with.) I was/am the primary breadwinner, though we do have assets that can see us through a pretty long bout of unemployment (so the financial aspects do not weigh as heavily on me as they might). As my termination was due to "economic factors" and not performance, I will be eligible for unemployment compensation--and, scarily enough, food stamps, WIC, and all that if I want them (because there's no asset test in Wisconsin, only income).
Compounding this: I am 33 weeks pregnant. I am a lawyer. Many, many legal employers still see reproductive-age women (and new mothers in particular) as a liability. I am sending out resumes, but am not particularly expecting to have a job lined up before I can wear non-maternity clothes to an interview.
I guess I'm just feeling angry and bitter, now that I'm off work and have nothing but time on my hands. "But you'll be able to rest and get ready for the baby! I'm jealous!" I hear from just about everyone. I know they're well meaning but it's not helpful. I do much better when I have externally imposed structure, a place to go that's not the local coffee shop with the free Wifi. Yes, I'm well-rested but it's not helping my mental health.
We planned this baby (though he was conceived much faster than we expected) based on my former job--the hours, salary, working conditions (quite decent pay, though nearly no benefits; 40-50 hours/week; night work was predictable; minimal-to-no weekend work). Now I have to go back out into a crappy market, competing with all the new grads (I have one year of experience, which will help but not massively), and hope I end up with something that pays enough (or has good benefits and/or no commute to compensate), that doesn't expect 2000+ billable hours a year (or at least, doesn't require all those hours be done in the office or in court), that I don't hate.
I don't know. I feel cheated. Instead of enjoying my last few weeks of work (a great distraction from the discomforts of pregnancy) and then enjoying my time with my son while knowing exactly when I'll need to be ready to return to work and what that work will entail, I'll be job-searching. Then, hopefully, starting a new job, while navigating things like pumping and sleeping and all that.
I also know I need to snap out of this, for my own health and that of the baby, but it's not easy. My usual coping devices (brood for a day or two, snap into lawyer mode and go all out, completely clean and reorganize my whole house in a day as a distraction) are not as available to me as they usually are (hormones, physical limitations).
Thanks for "listening."
