Instilling spiritual values when partner is not interested

[Awaken]

I am coming from a Christian perspective, but as I wrote this I realized it could apply to people of any faith.

So, how do you go about instilling spiritual values, when your partner has no interest in doing so. Mine is supportive of the kids going to church, me reading them Bible stories, memorizing verses, praying at meals, etc. but has no personal interest in religious matters or raising our kids with Christian values. However, this is very important for me. I feel like it's hard to honor God as a mother when my partner is not also trying to discipline and teach them from a similar perspective.

I see all of these wonderful families at church (and even the Duggars, I admit) who are sold out for God, seeking to honor Him in every aspect of their lives, with kids who are so dedicated, and I want this for us. But I don't see how, when it's just me. They look up to both of us and emulate us, and if they see that spirituality has no impact on their father's life, I worry that they will grow up the same way. Of course I know that I can't compare our lives to those other families, we have our own personalities and family dynamic. But it shows me what's possible when parents are following God's direction for their families and it makes me sad.

I know- with God all things are possible, and He can do infinitely more than what we can ask or imagine! I am working on accepting that and believing that whatever spiritual lessons I give them, He will use it to bless our family.

Any thoughts?

[genifer]

Awaken, this has been us from the start. The dad here is a believer but, well, this is my arena, raising kids and that ranges from discipline, spirituality, everything. We've been going for 11 years now, and I just do what I gotta do. We do bible study, we pray, we talk about Jesus all the time and dad isnt really all that involved. Its not hard really. And the kids kinda understand, but their faith is strong. They love to read the bible with me, they love praying, they love knowing Christ and it was me who taught them. You can do it. I would just say to make sure you instill a respectful attitude towards their dad no matter what, emulating that yourself, being someone for them to look up to in that respect and do whatcha gotta do!

[KaylaBeanie]

I come from a pretty similar background...mom was raised Lutheran and thought it was important for my sister and I to be raised in a religious home. My dad was never even baptized and rarely goes to church, and has long vocalized his issues with organized religion, Catholicism in particular. I won't lie, it was very confusing growing up, especially in my late teens. I was never confirmed, and I almost started the conversion process to Judaism twice before finally settling on an Agnostic/Atheist belief system with some Buddhist thought thrown in. It wasn't until I totally stepped away from religion that I found true peace and happiness. My sister is still Christian, but since she has incredibly liberal beliefs, she has issues with most denominations and will only go to more liberal, laid-back non-denominational churches. I'm not trying to be a negative nelly, but it's pretty likely that you will face issues in this situation.

[Purple Sage]

Awaken, I understand what you're going through. I'm with genifer on this...you just do what you have to do. I've only recently come back to Christianity, and dh has no interest in changing. I pray for him...he is not in a good place and is dealing with so many issues that I know could be healed, but he is very closed minded when it comes to anything religious. I do not push my beliefs on him - I know that would backfire.

Be a shining light both for your children and your dh. I have never felt the peace I have now before, and I know that it will begin to show more and more as the Spirit works within me. This is only the beginning. There is really nothing that can fulfill a person like knowing what our true purpose in life is and pursuing it. Teach that to your children, and leave the rest to God.

Also remember that God can turn anything into good. What seems like a very bad situation to us in the moment, God can use it for good. Trust that He will.

[Tradd]

Awaken, I assume you and your DH are teaching your kids to have good character, be honest, respectful, hard-working, caring, etc. What if you concentrate on the spiritual aspect of these (and other values) and your DH does the "secular":

He tells the kids that "you have to treat others as you would want to be treated" and you can add that in the Bible, Jesus talked about this, too.

MYOB (Mind Your Own Business) is in the NT, too! (ETA: I mean, teaching the kids to MYOB) It's in either Paul or Peter's Epistles.

Would this work? I don't have kids, but I do have friends in mixed marriages (inter-Christian, not interfaith) and focusing on the commonalities has helped these couples a great deal.

[raelize]

we have this going on here. i am returning to my childhood faith, while dh has left his and has no interest in joining me. ( i am quaker, while he is a lapsed catholic)
i started taking the kids to Meeting for worship and to First day shcool (sunday school for quakers)
he comes along cause he supports me going, but he just watches the baby in the nursery and sometimes goes along with dd1 to first day school. but, only until dd2 is old enough to go by herself. i appreciate him doing htis, but i wish he was actually interested in going to Meeting and becoming part of the community.
will he attend sometimes? does he he agree that the kids need some kind of spiritual foundation? would that get him to agree to attending or is it the bible reading and such at home that you want him to be part of? i also see families where the dh is involved and i wish dh was more interested, but i can only ask for what he is able to give.

[Oriole]

I really believe that kids learn different things from each parent. Spirituality could be the life lesson that they take from their mom, and I'm sure there are many wonderful lessons that they will take from their dad.

I learned about christianity from my mom's efforts.