Need a reality check

[milletpuff]

I need help figuring out if what I'm asking for is a reasonable request in a working supervisory relationship (as in, me and my supervisor).

My job consists of running a program at a non-profit pretty much on my own. While I was on a week-long vacation, my boss sent an email to me and another person to meet and talk about a major grant that wold fund the program, but that would potentially have a really drastic effect on how it gets run (and thus would have a very big impact on my day-to-day job). We have all talked about this casully before, including the significant effect it would have on the program.

When I get back, I ask a question about something totally unrelated and find out that they have already had the meeting. I'm frustrated that I was not included in the meeting, and I'm [possibly even more] frustrated that no-one bothered to tell me they had the meeting, or update me on what happened. So I talked to my boss about it and said, "next time can you keep me in the loop?" She said NO, there just isn't time. Long frustrating conversation later, she doesn't understand why I am frustrated (it turns out it was a ten minunte meeting and they didn't really get into anything serious), and I can't express it so I basically have to break it down to: if I am invited to a meeting and then the meeting happens without me, can you let me know after that happens? She thinks this is ridiculous but grudgingly agrees. She thinks I should trust her to operate in a way that is best for me and for the program, and if a meeting happens without me it is because I am not needed and should assume there's a good reason for this.

In general I do absolutely trust her to be a good advocate for me and for the program. Because of personal things in my life that are sort of insanely shaking my emotional foundation, I need a little extra communnication right now about things like this. Is that an appropriate thing to ask for or am I over-reacting because I'm over-emotional, and should just suck it up?

[paintedfire]

I think it entirely depends on how much detail you feel comfortable with sharing/think is appropriate for your work environment. Best case scenario is that she gets it, worst case is that she thinks you're asking for more than is appropriate, and then everything in-between.

I'd think about it long and hard and try to come up with the most reasonable, non-emotional basis/reasons beforehand and try to make sure that you don't box yourself into a corner during the conversation.

In any case, I definitely feel that you do need to say something. Just be cautious, okay?

P.S. I'm in middle of my own work issues right now, so if you want to talk then I'm here pretty much at all different times of the day. My job is about as boring as possible right now (put in my notice, so I can't take on anymore cases) and my DF doesn't get off work until midnight so I'm up late, too. Feel free - anytime, really.

[milletpuff]

Thanks. I'm sorry you're having work issues too! They are THE SUCK!

What to say to her now is a moot point, since she pushed so hard (last week) that I burst out in hysterical tears and told her what was going on. Once I did she apologized and said she'd honor my request. This week though she's already made reference to the fact that she's being "accomodating and understanding" because of what's going on (ie what I was asking for is STILL unreasonable but she'll do it because I might cry - wait, is she my high school boyfriend?!)

I feel pretty stongly that my request for more information was reasonable, regardless of what's going on in my personal life. But maybe I'm off base? What do you think?

[paintedfire]

Originally Posted by milletpuff

Thanks. I'm sorry you're having work issues too! They are THE SUCK!

What to say to her now is a moot point, since she pushed so hard (last week) that I burst out in hysterical tears and told her what was going on. Once I did she apologized and said she'd honor my request. This week though she's already made reference to the fact that she's being "accomodating and understanding" because of what's going on (ie what I was asking for is STILL unreasonable but she'll do it because I might cry - wait, is she my high school boyfriend?!)

I feel pretty stongly that my request for more information was reasonable, regardless of what's going on in my personal life. But maybe I'm off base? What do you think?

Well, keeping in mind that I don't know your boss but she sounds a little . . . cold, perhaps is the right word?

I know from experience that there are still plenty of women out there who feel like they can't let emotions enter into any work-related issues because of still feeling like they're stuck in a so-called "man's world."

I don't think you're off base, no, although I don't know the particulars to what in your personal life is so difficult right now - which even if I don't know them I just to say I'm sorry that you're going through any kind of stress right now.

I just don't think it's appropriate - especially in this day and age - to treat women like they're going to fall apart at any moment. Everyone, male or female - goes through bad times. Whatever you do, don't let her make you feel bad for feeling low right now. It's human nature. No one can tell you that your feeling aren't valid - if they do then they're not worth listening to.

Chin up! It may not mean anything, but I'm rooting for you.