Please help! I have tried everything!

[Kikelet]

DD is 2.5 months old and about 12 pounds. We have tried almost every baby carrier and she hates all of them.

First we had the Ergo with the heart 2 heart insert. Even as a newborn, she'd swing her head back and cry. She would not turn her head to the side and sleep on my chest, even with a thin, soft blanket between my skin and her face. She has always just rubbed her face in my chest and cried. EVen today, I put her in it and she did the same thing.

We have tried the Moby. Worked ok as a tiny newborn, but when I start to put the wrap around her and tighten it, she rubs her face in my chest and cries. I have tried gently turning her head to the side, but she just rears back and cries. I only held her in it in New York City when she was so sleepy and we were walking very briskly. I have tried facing her forward in the Moby, and she loves it for about 10 minutes, then her head gets tired and she cries.

We have tried the pouch sling with mild success. It takes me FOREVER to get a towel positioned properly behind her back so that her head isn't pressing against her chin. If she's tired, she'll sleep. If she's awake, she'll scream. Most of the time she slips off the towel when I am just walking. It's ridiculous.

I am also really concerned about froggying vs. open leg. I have read about froggying, but a few websites have told me that it's really bad for babies because it squishes their feet. No matter which way I try to froggy DD's legs, she pushes up on the carrier and cries. If I open her legs, she cries and squirms. I don't understand how I need to froggy DD's legs. If I use the Ergo, for example, how do I put her feet? Can someone please explain how to do this correctly so it doesn't totally smush her feet?

So I am at a loss and on the verge of tears. I really really need to get things done, not just going out and buying groceries and such, but household chores, too. DD naps for very short periods and I cannot get anything done. I am going nuts. I understand that you should try to walk briskly, but shopping and doing household chores is where I need it the most, and I'm certainly not walking briskly there. Also, she's not going to sleep the entire time I'm out and about, so I really want her to be able to be in a carrier/sling that she's ok to be awake in. I have tried putting her in the carrier awake, grumpy, sleepy; nothing is working!!

Can anyone give me suggestions or advice, please? I want to wear my baby so badly but it seems that for now we are stuck sitting at home or sitting in the car seat while I shop. Thanks in advance.

[rhiOrion]

As far as the froggying goes, I sometimes just have to readjust her until I find a position that feels right. I just gently lift her under her shoulders and set her back down. Sometimes I have to do it a few times before it is right. She doesn't seem to mind her feet being squished if I find this magical "right" position.

However, at 8 weeks she's starting to resist froggying sometimes. In my Pikkolo carrier I can splay her legs, because the carrier cinches up at the bottom, so it can sit behind her knees just fine.

In the ergo you can try sticking one leg out and froggying the other. And if she gets tired of that you can switch legs.

I'd say see if there is any kind of babywearers meet-up in your area and go to a meeting. You'll be able to get suggestions, and you might also be able to try out some different carriers. If it turns out that your LO likes having her legs out, then I suggest the Pikkolo (or maybe the Beco Gemini, if it ever comes out).

[Quirky]

I second the recommendation for the Pikkolo -- the toggle drawstring at the base allows you to squish it up so she can have legs out but still have good ergonomic support through the rear end and thighs.

With the Ergo, you could try her feet in without the insert. Froggy leg position is just fine ergonomically -- with knees bent, toes pointing out, feet flat and parallel to the hip belt. She shouldn't be sitting on her pointy toes. Just put a hand in either side of the carrier and make sure her feet are flat and toes pointing to the outside.

With the pouch, she's probably too big for a cradle hold anyway. Try her in more of a sitting up position, or a tummy to tummy position. If the pouch is so deep that she falls down in there and you really need a towel positioner, it's likely too big.

HTH!

[tanyam926]

You have gotten some good recs, but I just wanted to throw out another idea:

Have you read anything about chiropractic care? I have read a lot about it and know people who have had wonderful results w/it when it comes to fussy babies. I haven't tried it bc my 3 boys never seemed like they needed it but I def would if my baby cried while being worn or had trouble sleeping.

I wonder if it would benefit your lo? I have read that even normal, uneventful births can put stress on a baby's neck and back and can cause pain which causes fussiness and difficulty sleeping. I also wonder if being held tightly (when worn) is causing even more discomfort?

It may not be relevant to your situation but just thought I would throw it out there!

[Kikelet]

Thanks for the recommendations! DD actually enjoyed being in the Ergo w/o the insert and with a thick towel folded short. I tucked her feet in for a while then untucked them, and went back and forth every 30 mins or so to make sure she was comfy. Also, the thick towel made it so she could see above the Ergo. Before with the insert, she was too far down and could't see anything. Over the past couple days she has continued to cry in it and I'm not sure what's going on. I think I will ask her Ped next Wed at our 3mo checkup. If she can refer DD and Medicaid covers it, then I will certainly do it. If not, I know of a great chiro that might be able to work on her lil back for $30 per visit. My midwife recommends him to many of her moms and he worked wonders for my sciatica. Just need to see if he works with babies.

One of the biggest problems is that DD really wants to face forward. She gets upset because she can't see. I'm so glad we have a stroller that lays flat because I have put her in that a few times and she calms right down. It's weird. We take it with us when we go shopping because half the time the Ergo is a no-go.

The Pikkolo sounds great but DP would kill me if I spent more money on a baby carrier/sling. I think we've achieved the thinner seat problem by using a towel in the bottom of the Ergo.

I wish there was a carrier that faces babies outward but supports their head. I understand the sensory overload potential with facing smaller babies forward, but DD seems to love it. She even smiles when we hold her facing out and she is not a big smiler most of the time.

If anyone has any more advice, I would love to hear.

[cristeen]

With the Moby, we used a carry that had him facing to the side. He never let me carry him facing me. I believe it was a kangaroo carry variant, but it allowed him to see everything while still being snugged in. If you lay down on your back and lay the babe on your chest on her side with her head between your breasts, that's basically the position I was carrying him in.

And if he fell asleep, it was easy enough to tuck his head back in.

As for the rest, I know that with my guy there was a period from about 3 mos to 4 mos where he just wouldn't let me carry him. Period. I had to go out and buy a stroller. Then around 4 mos I could start using the ring sling with him chest to chest. Then from 6 mos I used a MT, and now at 8 I can use the RS in the hip carry or the MT.

[Danea]

You might want to try a ring sling which might be better than a pouch b/c it's adjustable plus you can do a T2T (tummy to tummy), hip carry, back carry and even a forward facing carry.

[MovnMama]

Ring Sling may help.

I second the recommendation to get a ring sling. Tell DH oh well. Or make one on your own... patterns at http://www.slingrings.com/patterns.php or also http://www.mayawrap.com/n_sewsling.php. This last site is the Maya Wrap, which is the ring sling that I own. Convenient with a pocket, but again, if money is an issue, grab some fabric from a thrift store and order just the rings to make your own. Easy Peasy.

Your DD seems to like facing out, and the ring sling is GREAT for little ones facing out. With the rings, as opposed to the pouch, you control how much fabric there is, meaning that the depth of the pouch is adjustable. You can froggy or just criss-cross her legs facing out from you, head on your chest. Then she is pretty much sitting in the carrier, so her gravity is pulling her to lean back on you... so no tired neck but she can see the world. Then also she could fall asleep (my DS used to do this) and as her head leans, you can shift her to have her head against the shoulder area of the sling (use the extra fabric to wrap the rings up for a softer feel if her head is next to the rings.

Here are some images that can help you picture it:
http://www.littlepossums.co.uk/slings/ring-slings.htm
http://www.sweetpearingsling.com/slinginstructions.htm

OH! Turns out this particular way to carry is called the KANGAROO HOLD. Maybe you can even do it in the pouch!

I had SO many different carriers, and my DH finally called it quits before I could buy and Ergo. I had a Mei Tai and a narrow blanket Podegi that I made myself, and a Maya Wrap Sling, a Hotslings pouch, and a regular wrap from Ella Roo (which makes lovely ring slings, btw). If you only get a few carriers, have the ring sling and a carrier that can go to the back when the kid gets heavier (i.e. your Ergo). These two are all you need. In my opinion.

PS. If you PM me I can send a pic of my DS asleep in the ring sling in the manner described above.

Good Luck!

[Slinglady]

Wrap sling front hold?

I love all the support and suggestions- amazing!
Once she is older and able to support her own head retry the Wrap sling as you can position her out so she can socialize!
Good luck and keep doing what you are doing, but do try to get some support with a local group or professional. There is a learning curve to every sling and carrier and it does take time and patience. Another factor is sizing, sizing is everything- pouch may have been too big on your body even with an insert.
I too can't just sit around and hang with the new one, I like to get it done! Thinking of you.

[MommaShark]

this may or may not pertain to you:

My LO at that age was impossible for ME to carry because she just smelled the milk and only wanted to nurse if she was in the vicinity of my breasts. DH could carry her all he wanted and I could put her on my back......so..........you might want to nurse her first and have DH carry her - see if that helps with the burrying of her face in your chest - my LO would get so made if she could smell milk but not get any!

I'm not really sure that spending more money on a carrier is a solution - I think it's just a stage or learning curve thing. You can also do the hip carry in an Ergo. For me - a back carry was the only way I could get anything done like normal - but the front/hip carry allow for getting more done than not

Hang in there - you sound tired and frustrated and for good reason.
V

[triony]

Originally Posted by Kikelet

DD is 2.5 months old and about 12 pounds. We have tried almost every baby carrier and she hates all of them.

First we had the Ergo with the heart 2 heart insert. Even as a newborn, she'd swing her head back and cry. She would not turn her head to the side and sleep on my chest, even with a thin, soft blanket between my skin and her face. She has always just rubbed her face in my chest and cried. EVen today, I put her in it and she did the same thing.

My DS does the same thing. But he does it when I'm holding him, or in the car seat, anytime he's overtired and overstimulated. I gently hold his head in his favorite sleeping position while I do something distracting. Like walk around outside. I only hold it so that if he REALLY tried to get his head out he could. He settles down and sleeps after a little bit of fussing, every time. OF course, I always make sure every other "problem" is fixed first (food, diaper, etc)

If I didn't do this, he'd NEVER sleep, and cry all the time. It's like he needs his head "swaddled" too! Oh, he's 9 weeks.
Good luck!

[Nicole730]

My DD is a week older than yours. We use a stretchy wrap with her legs hanging out. I don't know if you said you tried that one, but the basic wrap/hold and then have her legs dangle. Do you give your DD a pacifier? If she is fussy when I put her in there, I usully can get her to calm down with a pacifier. At this age, I mostly use a non-stretchy wrap though.