How do I know if my 12 mo old can handle weaning? When's a good time?

[lkmiscnet]

Sadly, I need to think about weaning my 12 mo old co-sleeping son, because I would like to try for another baby. At age 44.5, I just don't have time on my side to wait. I had originally planned to wean at 6 mo, but it just didn't seem like a good time and he certainly would not have been ready then (neither was I), so I kept delaying and delaying.

He still nurses 8-10 times a day and seems to love it: first thing in the morning, morning nap (if it occurs), lunch time, afternoon nap, dinner and bedtime. He still wakes up 2-3 times a night as well, though that's vastly improved from the every 2 hours he was waking up in April. He now goes 4 hour stretches, sometimes longer.

He typically has 2 meals per day of some pureed food. He eats maybe 2 oz per meal. No finger foods yet.

So, I don't know how to tell whether he's developmentally ready for me to attempt weaning or not and at some point SOON, I need to pull the trigger or he won't have any siblings.

I imagine he will be upset If I don't nurse him at one usual nursing time as I cut out a feeding, but I suppose that is part of the process. Right?

[moondiapers]

Since he's not eatting that much yet you'd need to wean him to formula. Have your cycles returned?

[Megan73]

I really understand the impulse –*I stopped taking domperidone (knowing it was the beginning of the end of my supply) at 18 months because I wanted my fertility back. I got pregnant quickly even while I was still nursing a few times a day.
The general mother-led weaning advice is to drop a feed a week but you may find that night weaning might be enough to bring back your fertility.
Kellymom.com has info about nursing, fertility and a new pregnancy.
Good luck TTC!

[lkmiscnet]

No, my cycles have not yet returned. I never thought I would be looking forward to the return of AF!

Last night, he actually went 6.5 hours before I had to nurse him, so some progress, but it varies from night to night. I had heard about night weaning sometimes bringing back your cycle and that was what I was hoping to do first, but when he wakes up crying and the only thing that pacifies him is BFing, I don't know what else to do.

I do have about a 4-5 mo stash of frozen BM going as far back as last summer/fall. I stopped pumping in Feb. I have the excess lipase issue, but he seems to not mind. I thaw the BM, but don't warm it because he typically only takes a few sips out of his sippy cup and I don't want it to go to waste, so I can refrigerate the leftover.

His ped said I don't need to have him on formula and that he's old enough for cow's milk or other milk substitutes.

I just don't know how you "drop a feed". When he's clutching at my shirt and wants to BF, do I try to distract him with a BM filled sippy cup instead?

[LadyCatherine185]

you are in a really tough situation. I remember seeing your threads about wanting to wean at 6 months, and I just want to congratulate you for nursing to a year!

A few things: I would first try nightweaning. It is probably going to be rough. The amount of times per day he is nursing tells me he is not developmentally ready for weaning, or nightweaning, but it can be done. If you google the Dr. Jay Gordon method, it has a pretty gentle nightweaning plan. We used it with my son but didn't start until 18 months and took it slow (about a month total) and it went very well. However at 12 months it would NOT have worked well. I also cut back his day nursing to 3 times a day (first wake-up, before nap, before bed) because I am pregnant and nursing is extremely painful and my milk has dried up. This was rough for about a week, but things were fine after that. However, my DS was a bit older, is very verbal and can be distracted easily with snacks/sippy cups/toys/playing etc. He was also eating quite a bit of solids at that point.

Even with DS nursing every 2 hours around the clock, I got my AF back at about 14 months old. And I got pregnant on our second month "not preventing" just before he turned 18 months old, so it is definitely possible with a nursling!

Kellymom.com has a lot of great tips for gentle weaning. My advice would be to STAY BUSY, get him out of the house, offer more solids (especially finger foods that will fill him up) and introduce a sippy cup of milk (I would use Goat's Milk or Coconut Milk). Offer him food and his sippy BEFORE you know he is going to ask to nurse. Doing those things might keep him busy enough that he will "forget" some of his nursing sessions. Even though my DS would nurse every hour or two at home, when we went out he'd go 4 or 5 hours without it.

One more thing: I would really hate for you to wean (or nightwean) and for it to negatively affect your LO and for you to not be able to get pregnant for some reason. Have you considered adoption? If you do decide to do a quick-ish mother led weaning, I would say to take it as slow as possible (over a few months) and follow his lead as much as you can. It is going to be really tough, but if this is a decision you are going to stick with you have to be consistent and firm and remain calm.

I hope you figure out the right decision for your family.

[lkmiscnet]

Yes, it's me again. Six months turned to seven, which turned to eight, etc. I 've pumped and pumped and stored and stored. I really wish I could have enjoyed those first 7 months more, as I was a prisoner to that pump. I was so determined to have a 6 month stash for my precious LO, given the guilt I felt at having to wean at 6 mo, which of course, did not happen.

I've posted about weaning several times previously which coincides with when I start to get anxious watching the months tick off, getting older, and thinking about weaning again...

I really hate to wean and would love to BF well into toddlerhood, but I have to look toward the future and think of how my son would enjoy having a sibling. If I am lucky enough to get pregnant, I will look forward to BFing for as long as I can.

My LO is still not into finger foods and he won't even put them in his mouth. He is still challenged by anything with significant texture, though ironically, he does feed himself organic oat puffs. He has finally learned to eat old fashioned oatmeal and steel cut oats, which is a victory in itself, since it is a whole lot thicker than purees. And today, I gave him tiny chunks of mango and apple and he ate them. So, perhaps he is starting to turn a corner.

Even after I feed him solids (about 2 oz per meal), he will act fussy and grab at my shirt because he wants to nurse afterwards. So, I don't know if he just didn't get full enough from dinner or if it's a comfort thing.

I know weaning will be much easier when he is relying on solids more and when he is walking, as he will be more distracted.

Thanks for the Jay Gordon tip. I will google it.

[moondiapers]

I would start replacing one nursing session at a time with a bottle feeding (if he takes bottles) because it sounds like he still really has a big need to suckle. Then once your cycles come back maybe you could quit cutting back on the nursing sessions???

[Birdie B.]

Originally Posted by moondiapers

I would start replacing one nursing session at a time with a bottle feeding (if he takes bottles) because it sounds like he still really has a big need to suckle. Then once your cycles come back maybe you could quit cutting back on the nursing sessions???

That sounds reasonable to me. I remember wondering if my cycles would ever return, and they finally did at 15 months. I know your clock is ticking, but it's possible your period is right around the corner! Good luck!

[justKate]

OP, I too have a LO that will not give up nighttime boobies. I work outside of the home, so we "day weaned" instead of night weaning. I stopped pumping at work at 12 months, and she started getting goat milk in her bottles during the day, and then would nurse all evening/night. It was easier to distract her during the day because there were other things going on--we could stay busy outside or playing. At that time, she would nurse as soon as I got home (around 4:00 p.m.), bed time, when I went to bed, 1 or 2 times during the night, and then when I woke up at 6:00. So no nursing from 6:15 a.m. until 4:00 p.m. That didn't trigger AF, but it did make our nursing relationship much more tolerable.

Now at 15.5 mos., DD only nurses at bedtime, once at night, and maybe once in the morning before I get out of bed. That still didn't trigger AF--what ultimately did was starting and then stopping BC pills. Not sure if this is an option for you, but either night or day weaning is probably the place to start.

I would still be giving bottles for some of the "non-nursing" feeds, but you might want to experiment with different types of sippy cups, too. The very soft spouts were most attractive to DD at that age.

You mentioned puffs--those are a good start. I don't know why the little ones find them non-threatening, but they sure do! We found that dried cranberries are also a nonthreatening food for some reason.

Good luck! Baby dust coming your way....