Baby doesn't sleep. Ever. Stressed and Exhausted.

[saffrongirl]

Okay, obviously she sleeps sometimes, but it's for such brief periods of time that it hardly counts. Here's the run-down:

She's 8 months old, breast-fed and we've added a bit of oatmeal 2x/day. She basically sleeps in her crib although I bring her to bed with us around 3AM (or when I can't stand sitting upright anymore). We have coslept (probably until she was 4 months old or so) but I'm such a light sleeper that I get no sleep when she's there and I don't think HER sleep is all that good when we cosleep either.

On a "typical" night, I start putting her to bed around 7PM by nursing her and rocking with her. She will usually get to sleep by 8PM. Then she's awake again at 10:30. More rocking and nursing and she'll usually get back to sleep and is put in her crib. From there, she's usually awake every two hours just to suckle a bit more or even just to rock.

Her naps are sh!t too. She takes three half hour naps during the day. They last about 30 minutes - 40 minutes TOPS. We have great routine - they are all around the same time every day. She nurses before each one.

She's an INSANELY light sleeper - everything seems to affect her. We have blackout curtains and white noise. She's slept with a "womb bear" from very early on. She can be DEEP asleep but if someone sneezes, she'll startle awake -- even with a fan and womb bear on. Laying her into her crib and removing your arm out from underneath her without her waking takes a great act of unnatural physics and divine intervention.

She's a really sweet funny girl otherwise. She actually seems okay with the "power nap" - refreshed and fine. It's the nighttime sleep I'm mostly concerned with...also because I'm not getting any real sleep and I'm starting to lose my mind. Last night was especially hard - she wouldn't relax even when I brought her to bed and I actually let her CIO for three minutes at a time, a few times, because I was getting so frustrated at 2AM. I started freaking out thinking of my life being like this FOREVER! (Amazing how you downward spiral when you're so tired.)

Anyway, I remember reading some parts of NCSS when my first dd was young but I can't remember much. Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Anyone want to come hang out with my kid at night?

[Jayray]

Sleep got weird for us around 8/9 mo. too. I don't know about night sleep. I still haven't figured anything out with our kid--EXCEPT that around that age, I started noticing that better day sleep did get better night sleep. Or at least a longer stretch during that first stretch of the night.

Do you listen for a minute or two to make sure she's really awake at night?

As for naps, we were down to two naps at 8 months. Maybe if you started keeping her up a little bit longer before her first nap and before her second nap, they will start getting longer. Maybe she's just not tired enough to take a long nap?? I noticed this around this age. If I put DS down after 2 hours wake time in the morning, he would sleep for 30 minutes. If I put him down after 2.5 hours, he would sleep for an hour or more. It might take a few days of a new routine, though, to see changes.

I don't know. Just throwing some stuff out there.

[LadyCatherine185]

how much sleep total is she getting? those patterns sound pretty typical for an 8 month old.. the waking every 2 hours at night and taking 30-40 minute naps, that is. My DS woke every 15-45 minutes all NIGHT at 8 months and was up for the day at 5 AM every morning. It was by far our WORST sleeping time. He didn't start sleeping more than an hour at a time at night until he was over a year old. So, waking every 2 hours would've been heaven for me at that age.

it does get better! My DS now sleeps through the night about 50% of the time, and the nights he does wake up it is usually only once and he goes back to sleep quickly.

I suggest trying something that works better for you to get more rest, because your DD is fine with the amount of sleep she is getting, but you are the one who is exhausted. If you are against going back to cosleeping, can you put her crib mattress on the floor next to your bed so you don't have to do as much getting up and down? Cosleeping and side-nursing were the only things that got me through those rough months.

I also suggest reading Sleepless in America. It has some great tips for structuring your day to help maximize nighttime sleep.

[oolongtea]

Sounds like my guy...
I don't have a lot of time to type, but here's our set-up and it seems to help:

We side-carred the fullsize crib, right up to our mattress with no gap. Nurse DS to sleep (him on the crib mattress, me on the border). When he's asleep, wait precisely 20 minutes and slip away. (Any sooner and he's not solid enough; too late, like at 30-45 minutes he is in a light pattern and he will wake.) We use a video monitor so I can run back in if he stirs and latch him up before he wakes fully. This way, we avoid that whole "nurse/rock back to sleep" thing that you've been having at 10:30. I slip away again, and he's usually solid till 1 am., then another sleepy rousing/latch/back to sleep and we're good til 5:30. By having him sidecarred up, I don't have to pick him up and down, which prevents him from fully waking. By being actually on two separate mattresses, my movements don't shift his mattress, so he doesn't wake up if I turn over.

It's not perfect and we too have white noise going plus blackout, but i am so much more rested now than i was when i was getting up.

[dislocator3972]

Originally Posted by oolongtea

Sounds like my guy...
I don't have a lot of time to type, but here's our set-up and it seems to help:

We side-carred the fullsize crib, right up to our mattress with no gap. Nurse DS to sleep (him on the crib mattress, me on the border). When he's asleep, wait precisely 20 minutes and slip away. (Any sooner and he's not solid enough; too late, like at 30-45 minutes he is in a light pattern and he will wake.) We use a video monitor so I can run back in if he stirs and latch him up before he wakes fully. This way, we avoid that whole "nurse/rock back to sleep" thing that you've been having at 10:30. I slip away again, and he's usually solid till 1 am., then another sleepy rousing/latch/back to sleep and we're good til 5:30. By having him sidecarred up, I don't have to pick him up and down, which prevents him from fully waking. By being actually on two separate mattresses, my movements don't shift his mattress, so he doesn't wake up if I turn over.

It's not perfect and we too have white noise going plus blackout, but i am so much more rested now than i was when i was getting up.

Doesn't this mean that you're nursing him on the same breast all night, every night? Do you wind up pumping on the other side? I know your supply will increase to match the demand, but wouldn't the first few nights be pretty rough while DC ups the supply?

[sugarpop]

I just want you to know your not alone. Reading your post made me feel better, like there wasn't something wrong with me and DD isn't broken...so I don't need to fix her (lol). We do cosleep, I understand that doesn't work for you and really it doesn't work for me either but the alternative...doesn't work for either of us! She will not lay in her crib, so glad I bought and expensive organic 400 plus mattress for her. I am hoping it will pass soon.

I get one good nap from her about 3 hours after she wakes up and then nothing really until bedtime. At which point she is over tired. We wake every 2-3 hours to nurse. I am convinced that any mother that claims their child sleeps more is lying! It is the only way I can cope...to believe they are lying. I too get exhausted and frustrated. Last night she wouldn't go down until 11 and I wasn't amused. Other nights she wakes at 2 or 3 and I have no patience. I feel guilty and promise to try better every night.

Know you aren't alone

[saffrongirl]

Well today I tried to have her wait an hour longer for her first nap and then another hour longer for her second. She did nap for about an hour each time but I can imagine she's probably totally exhausted from last night's events (up all night). She also seemed extra fussy today so I'm wondering if she's dealing with teeth stuff. I was doing some reading and re-read about the "Wonder Weeks" -- we're smack dab in the middle of 8 months and she's learned to crawl in the last two days - literally. So right now I'm kind of clinging to hope that it's a phase and this too shall pass. The alternative makes me feel downright stabby.

Jayray - yeah I do wait a few seconds but the problem is that she seems to roll over the instant her eyes open so that wakes her up even more. Even if I FLY up to her room, she's already on all fours, trying to stand up by the crib. I just don't get how she goes from SO SOLIDLY ASLEEP to wide awake in seconds!

LadyCatherine - I have no idea how many hours she's getting in a 24 hour period. I guess that probably makes me bad mom. lol. If I were to guess I'd say she probably sleeps deeply around 9 hours or so but lightly sleeps (sort of dozes) for 2 more...?? I guess you're right that I need to figure out how to get a nap in there somewhere just to keep my sanity...

oolongtea - Our bedroom is in the finished attic of an old house so we have sloped ceilings. DD's crib is in the slope of a ceiling on the opposite side of the "suite" so she's not sidecarred per se but she's really close. Obviously I do have to get up to get to her but unfortunately I don't think the shape of the bedroom would accommodate actual side-carring. I should look into it further though just to make sure. At this point, anything to get extra sleep would be awesome. And I can pretty much doze through a feeding if I'm side-lying - it's the hanging on the nipple part that kills me.

dislocator - If oolongtea is "endowed" like I am, she can probably sort of lop the opposite side boob over the same side one and feed that way. lol. That's how I do it side-lying anyway.

sugarpop - Thanks for the empathy. I've got to believe I haven't broken her. Yet.

[oolongtea]

Doesn't this mean that you're nursing him on the same breast all night, every night? Do you wind up pumping on the other side? I know your supply will increase to match the demand, but wouldn't the first few nights be pretty rough while DC ups the supply?

Ah, good question. I alternate breasts for each soothing back to sleep, but the way I am built I can give either breast when I am side-lying. Admittedly, if I am on my left side, giving the right breast means I have to put my left arm/shoulder into an uncomfortable position, but since these little nursings are just 5-10 minutes, it is okay. It's worth it to not have to move the baby. But I can picture that a woman with smaller breasts would be even more uncomfortable, so my strategy might not work for someone built like that.

[huguette87]

Oh my - sounds like my little one too! She's six months. There are some days when she doesn't nap at all! She'll be awake from 7am (when she hears her dad get up for work) to 9pm. She may have a couple little snoozes while nursing, but any noise will wake her. Other days she'll surprise me and sleep a couple hours in the morning. And she still wakes at night. I bring her into bed with me and end up nursing her on my side and falling asleep with her.

I don't think it's been mentioned yet, and I know you'll still feel exhausted, but do you ever lie down for one of those naps during the day to get some sleep too? Of course if you work either away or at home this would prove difficult, but if you're able to, a little cat nap does wonders! That's how I get through it now! And I just push aside feelings of inadequacy at not getting all those little (unnecessary, really) chores done. I'm a much better mother when I'm not exhausted.

My partner and I also have a routine for the weekends when he's home in the mornings. I get to have about a two-hour morning nap while he takes care of the babe. It really revs me up for the rest of the week! If you have a significant other, maybe consider this possibility!

Good luck!

[LadyCatherine185]

I wanted to echo the PP^^

I also took naps with DS whenever I could, and DH takes him out (still does, started about a year ago) on Saturday mornings so I can get an extra 2-3 hours. It really helped me feel rested to get that extra sleep. Cosleeping and side-nursing were also a big saver. I would seriously consider side-carring your crib (we didn't do this for DS, but we are going to for the new babe!) to your bed so that you can sleep better between her wakings.