leaving dd at the gym childcare

[hrsmom]

Hi- I'd love to hear your ideas, suggestions, experiences, etc.

I just started working at the gym in their child care center, trading three hours a week in the center for a gym membership. My daughter comes with me and for the most part has fun playing there while I'm there. I've gone once and left her in the center when a friend of mine was working, so she did OK. She's stayed with my friend once before, and likes to play with her two kids. Then I left her there the next day with people she didn't know, and she was NOT HAPPY about that. She was "off" all day, and cried at bedtime and we talked about it. That was her first time ever being left with strangers, too. She's coming up on 26 months.

So, do I just wait a little while longer until she gets more used to that place, and just go with her her during my work shift? She's getting over a cold right now, so I thought I wouldn't push it today by going and leaving her with my friend (as much as I'd love to go!) It is so lovely to go the gym and have a few minutes to do what I would like to do. As a matter of fact, this is the first time I've done anything just for fun without her since she was born! I'm a single mom, so any time I have someone watching her (my mom, or recently my friend) I'm working.

Yesterday as we were going to the gym, she didn't want to go. I told her I'd be staying with her, and she clung to me for probably the first hour we were there. She kept saying "we stay together?" (My poor baby!!!!!!!!!!)

She has always wanted to be close by, and is not one to just amuse herself with toys or activities. I totally marvel at little kids who just play on the floor while their parents are in the same room, or who don't seem to mind being left somewhere. All in all, I love how attached we are and all the time we spend together, and at the same time I do have occasional longings to be by myself and do something I want to do.

I know kids are different, but I'd love some ideas on how we could gently get to the place where I can leave her in this center for an hour or so every once in awhile.

[treehugz]

I have never left my dd (27mo) with a stranger... and not really anyone other than my dh or grandparents. But i'm paranoid and distrust everyone where dd is concerned.

That said, you could continue bringing dd to the gym with you when you do childcare, and do only this at the gym until she is again completely comfortable going to the gym. Also, give her ample opportunity to get to know the other caregivers with you present until she and you are comfortable interacting with them. My dd loves to be in control, so I would then start by asking her questions like... I'm going to step out and go to the bathroom (or get some water or whatever), do you want to come with me or do you want to stay and play? My very clingy dd would say "come with you" for the first few times, but eventually, she'll get used to it and then want to stay and play. Then I would slowly start working my way up to being gone longer periods, but always giving her the control to choose to stay with you and you skip your workout. I've worked through this very slow strategy to get my dd comfortable with me just stepping into the next room when we visit our friends.

[hrsmom]

Thank you, treehugz! I had a total moment when I read your post. Of course she needs to get comfortable with the caregivers! I knew this! I just didn't think about that last week. I was really at my wits' end wanting some alone time. (So now I just wake up before she does and meditate, that is quite satisfying! Yesterday I got 18 whole minutes to myself, and it was delicious!!!!!) We'll take it slowly with the gym. Thanks again!

[swd12422]

Can you hang out during the other shifts a little bit, and have the other sitters play with her? I had a similar issue with DS, who is usually very outgoing, but had an "incident" with a bigger kid at the gym and then started refusing to go. So I went with him, and called the sitter by name several times, and encouraged him to play with her. Now he's all excited to go see her and asks for her by name. Maybe once she gets to know the people by face and name she'll be much more comfortable. And, of course, as you've said, time is key also. Good luck! I hope it doesn't take too long for her to acclimate. It's so hard to feel like you NEED that time to yourself so badly, and not get it.

[hrsmom]

Thank you!