Is it possible to change introversion? - Page 3

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by LittleBattleAxe

Short article on introversion v. shyness...

http://psychcentral.com/library/shyness.htm

I haven't read the whole article, but this is a slightly different take on shyness than I'm used to. I've usually seen shyness related more to anxiety around new experiences...

I'm going to keep reading the rest of the thread. Suffice it to say that I'm shy, very socially anxious and pretty seriously introverted.

[HappilyEvrAfter]

Sorry...just subbing so I can come back and finish reading this thread....

[Owen'nZoe]

Just wanted to reiterate what others have said; that there is a difference between introversion and shyness. I am naturally a very shy introvert. I think I went through K-2 grade without saying a single word at school above a whisper, and when I think of myself, that is still the person I see. Yet, as an adult, whenever I confess to someone I've met that I am shy, they are shocked. I think I sometimes come off as snooty, but I've learned enough social tricks that most people don't think of me as shy. And it's funny, but quite a few of the people I remember thinking were snooty when I first met them turned out to be shy people who were pushing themselves to get out there.

I will always be an introvert, though. There have been times in my life when I've really pushed myself to act like an extrovert, and I can pull it off for a little while, but it is really exhausting. Really. I have 3 real friends right now, and that's really it. I see each of them maybe once a month at the very most. That's it. That's all I can handle and stay balanced. Sometimes I feel a little jealous when I talk to extroverted friends who have big girls' nights out a couple times a month, or who have a whole crowd of friends to help out when they have a problem. I think my jealousy mostly comes from the messages that we are constantly bombarded with that that is what we are supposed to want and supposed to have. But most of the time I realize that this is what makes me happy, and I'm content with that.

[arniflora]

Another introvert here! I've just turned 42 and it is only within the last year or so that I've:

- let it be OK that I am an introvert, rather than trying (read: forcing) myself to "be" extroverted and failing miserably.

- started to observe myself in social situations. I, unfortunately (or not) have the kind of face that is not necessarily "open" and sometimes when I am listening, concentrating or just being, I can feel that my eyebrows are scrunched and I seem to have a bit of a frown on my face. Now, inside, I am genuinely listening and interested in what the other person/people is/are saying, but I have been told enough times that I give the appearance of being "annoyed" or "bored" (when not actually the case!) to recognize that my face must be giving an untrue story. So I relax the muscles around my mouth, jaw, and eyes, to keep my face "softer." I also try to smile more (when appropriate, of course), and even widen my eyes a little bit (imagine a face of pleasant surprise.)

As an exercise, when I'm home alone, I will "freeze my face" - literally just keep all the muscles as they are and go to the nearest mirror. If I look like I'm scowling, etc. then I relax all of my facial muscles as I continue looking in the mirror and end by giving that very nice person I see a warm smile. I do it pretty regularly and am very conscious of how I "present" my face while around others.

- while in a social setting (a restaurant, school situation, library, etc.), I observe others in their own conversation and realize that what they are actually talking about is often not so important as the fact that they are connecting to other human beings. I have overheard countless, basically meaningless, conversations about the weather but what I've noticed as significant is the fact that each person is pleased because they get to share something about themselves with another human being!. So I know I can say to someone, "Can you believe how hot it's been?" and they really seem so happy to say, "oh my gosh, this is too much, I'm watering my garden every day because we haven't had rain!" Then, if I want, I can talk about my garden and voila! A conversation has started! It might last all of two minutes, and I may never see that person again, but I have made a connection. There are times when I am not interested in chatting so I don't say a word. If the other person initiations about the weather and I don't care to partake, I can just nod and say, "mmm hmm" and let it be that. It's more about my choice to make a connection, or make small talk. Man do I hate small talk! But if I make a connection, I really do feel good inside.

Another thing is that I'm always grateful to be out with extroverted friends because they are in their element as the talker and I am in my element as the listener.

Thank you for starting this thread! It is so important for us introverts to know that it is OK for us to be who we are!