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Have you been asked to bring a gift for the birthday child's sibling?

post #1 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:29pm
Thread Starter 
We received an evite for a birthday invitation for my cousin's daughter who's going to be 1. We're really psyched about it. Here's the thing. On the evite she asked all guests to please bring a gift for the older daughter so she won't feel left out. I'm aware that the older daughter has had some issues adjusting to having a sibling and not being the center of attention anymore. Truthfully, it hasn't been easy for my cousins oldest DD. I don't want to buy a gift for the older child. It was her birthday last month and I got her a gift already. Is this something you've been asked to do before?

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post #2 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:33pm
No, I haven't. I don't think I'd do it. I've seen parents, and even grandparents, give an older sibling a little something at a baby's party, and I can get that. Expecting the guests to bring something for the sibling just seems weird. And, just off the cuff...it sounds counterproductive. I really don't think it's going to help the older dd adjust if she's being given the notion that the baby can't have her own "special day", yk?
post #3 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:39pm
No and that's just bizarre. Did she ask everyone or just a few family members?

My mom brings gifts to all the grandkids' parties for the other grandkids, but no one else does and I certainly would never ask someone to. As hard as it getting a new sibling, overcompensating does nothing to help the adjustment.
post #4 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:39pm
No. That seems ridiculous and like it will set up a lot of unrealistic expectations.
post #5 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:42pm
I've also never seen this/heard of it before - other than from grandparents - my grandma did this for both me and my sister when we were little - and my MIL does it for my kids as well - but it's something little.

I personally, wouldn't do it. I agree with Storm Bride that it sounds counterproductive.
post #6 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:42pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
No, I haven't. I don't think I'd do it. I've seen parents, and even grandparents, give an older sibling a little something at a baby's party, and I can get that. Expecting the guests to bring something for the sibling just seems weird. And, just off the cuff...it sounds counterproductive. I really don't think it's going to help the older dd adjust if she's being given the notion that the baby can't have her own "special day", yk?
This.

When my brother and I were younger my parents would get one of us a small gift (presented at a different time than the party, mind you) In fact, it was usually a few days before or after...we called it brother's day or sister's day depending on who's birthday it was. But once we got older we were taught that it wasn't always that way. After that brother/sister day was just a joke to decide who got their way. (Like, the first person to declare it "their day" got to pick what movie we watched or where we ate lunch)
post #7 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:42pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Starflower View Post
No. That seems ridiculous and like it will set up a lot of unrealistic expectations.
post #8 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:43pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyantavid View Post
No and that's just bizarre. Did she ask everyone or just a few family members?
My mom brings gifts to all the grandkids' parties for the other grandkids, but no one else does and I certainly would never ask someone to. As hard as it getting a new sibling, overcompensating does nothing to help the adjustment.
She asked every invited guest. My close girlfriend is invited too and the same thing was on her evite. She mentioned to me because she can't afford to buy an extra gift for the older daughter.
post #9 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:46pm
Where do people get this kind of nerve?

I see grandparents and parents do this kind of stuff for siblings all the time. But to ask everyone else to bring an extra present...is just weird and tacky.
post #10 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:47pm
I find that incredibly rude and agree that it's just setting the older child up for unrealistic expectations. Talk about a sense of entitlement! If they feel they must have presents for the older child, they should buy them. Not ask the guests to. Wow. I can't get over how rude this is!

Personally, I wouldn't bring an extra gift. Just tell her you could only afford one gift.
post #11 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:50pm
Totally random - never heard of such a thing!

As a mom I would never ask that - I would be to embarrassed!
post #12 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:53pm
Thread Starter 
I think I'm less bothered by the request because I won't get the older child a gift but more bothered that she's not dealing with the issues the oldest child is having with having another sibling. It's been a year and it's not getting better. I feel for her oldest daughter and for my cousin and her DP too.
post #13 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:55pm
I've often given an older sibling a small, very inexpensive gift when I visit after a new baby has been added to a family. Something like a colouring book and crayons, or bubble mix and a wand, or sidewalk chalk. Just to recognize them and help them celebrate their changed status in the family as the "big brother" or "big sister".

I think it's a bad idea to ask people to give gifts to the sibling at a birthday party though. It's different if people want to do it.
post #14 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:57pm
The only time I've been supportive of a gift to be given for a sibling is when my dd was born -- the grandparents wanted to give something to ds to celebrate.

But, that's where it ended for me and I've actively discouraged it since then. Sure, a kid will take a gift whenever it's offered, but to begin to expect a gift when others are getting a gift isn't helping a child learn to appreciate the whole aspect of gift giving and personal celebrations. And it's never too early to start to learn this, IMO.

And I'm somewhat shocked that a request would be made of this nature - especially since the older dd recently had a birthday. Did they also request then that you give a gift to the younger dd so she "wouldn't feel out of it?"

If it were me, I'd ignore that part of the evite and make sure that you give the older dd some personal attention at the party -- which is probably the best gift that you could give her.
post #15 of 77
6/3/10 at 2:59pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraLoo View Post
The only time I've been supportive of a gift to be given for a sibling is when my dd was born -- the grandparents wanted to give something to ds to celebrate.

But, that's where it ended for me and I've actively discouraged it since then. Sure, a kid will take a gift whenever it's offered, but to begin to expect a gift when others are getting a gift isn't helping a child learn to appreciate the whole aspect of gift giving and personal celebrations. And it's never too early to start to learn this, IMO.

And I'm somewhat shocked that a request would be made of this nature - especially since the older dd recently had a birthday. Did they also request then that you give a gift to the younger dd so she "wouldn't feel out of it?"
If it were me, I'd ignore that part of the evite and make sure that you give the older dd some personal attention at the party -- which is probably the best gift that you could give her.
Not at all.
post #16 of 77
6/3/10 at 3:01pm
Wow, that is kind of bizarre. I get that the child has some sibling rivalry. Most older siblings do. But I would never expect anyone to get a gift for my older kids just because the baby was turning 1. In fact, I have spent the entire week leading up to a baby's birthday explaining to the older sibling(s), that it's the baby's special day and the baby will get gifts just like the sibling does on her birthday.
post #17 of 77
6/3/10 at 3:03pm
No. I feel sorry for that family, they are treating the symptom not the problem.
post #18 of 77
6/3/10 at 3:05pm
Odd. Newsflash to the parents: life isn't always fair, and when you have more than one child there willl be many issues such as jealousy and sibling rivalry. It's impossible to make everyone happy all the time, and you will be doing your children a disservice to attempt to cater to their every need. At a birthday party, the norm is that the birthday child receives gifts. Thus is life.

No, but really, I do understand when parents or even grandparents give something special to the sibling who feels left out when a new baby is born, or a first birthday party of said baby. But to request that all guests bring something for the older sibling is tacky and unnecessary.
post #19 of 77
6/3/10 at 3:09pm
It's rude to ask for gifts. Period.
post #20 of 77
6/3/10 at 3:11pm
I remember my mom giving me a small gift on my brother's birthday. I was terribly jealous of him for a very long time! He got the same treatment on my birthday. She would have never asked anyone to buy us both something!

I do think it is very rude but I would bring something small, like dollar store type thing for the sister since they asked for it. How old is she anyway?
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Parenting › Have you been asked to bring a gift for the birthday child's sibling?