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Have you been asked to bring a gift for the birthday child's sibling? - Page 2

post #21 of 77
Nope I've never heard of it. We do this within the family (even for the older sibling) up to a certain age, but I just cannot imagine asking this of of every invited guest. That poor child must really be having a hard time adjusting .
post #22 of 77
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by astra View Post
I remember my mom giving me a small gift on my brother's birthday. I was terribly jealous of him for a very long time! He got the same treatment on my birthday. She would have never asked anyone to buy us both something!

I do think it is very rude but I would bring something small, like dollar store type thing for the sister since they asked for it. How old is she anyway?
The oldest is three. She got a wonderful and well thought of birthday gift from us last month so I won't get her anything from the dollar store. My cousin is well meaning but I don't think she realizes gifts aren't the cure all for the rivalry issue.
post #23 of 77
My mom always gave my sister and I matching presents on each others birthdays when we were small, up until about 6 or 7. We were 18 months apart. It's just weird and greedy to expect it from guests though.
post #24 of 77
That's just sad, that they are being tacky and expecting their GUESTS to do the work of "solving" this sibling/parenting issue for them. I feel bad for both those kids. And the guests!
post #25 of 77
Wow, cheeky!

The only time I've seen sibling gifts is when people bring something over for a new baby, they will often bring something small for a sibling who was say preschool age or younger.

I have two boys, they both have birthdays and they've both gotten gifts and neither has received gifts on the other boy's birthday. It's my job to teach them that it's someone ELSE's special day.
post #26 of 77
I think the mom is making it worse. The older sibling needs to learn that it isn't all about her. Having a "poor baby" attitude about a child who isn't a baby isn't helpful to them at all.

I really like the book Siblings without Rivarly. If it were me, I'd give the mom a copy (you might read it first if you haven't).

We only have 2 kids and their B-days are 6 months apart. They each get a gift on the other's birthday, but I don't want anyone else to do so. One present from your parents says that you are loved and are part of the fun -- gifts from everyone says that your sibling isn't special and that it is ALL about you!
post #27 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrazyCatLady View Post
Where do people get this kind of nerve?

I see grandparents and parents do this kind of stuff for siblings all the time. But to ask everyone else to bring an extra present...is just weird and tacky.
I would NOT do it.
post #28 of 77
No, I've never seen someone come out and ask for that before. It seems a little rude.
post #29 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post
I think the mom is making it worse. The older sibling needs to learn that it isn't all about her. Having a "poor baby" attitude about a child who isn't a baby isn't helpful to them at all.

I really like the book Siblings without Rivarly. If it were me, I'd give the mom a copy (you might read it first if you haven't).

We only have 2 kids and their B-days are 6 months apart. They each get a gift on the other's birthday, but I don't want anyone else to do so. One present from your parents says that you are loved and are part of the fun -- gifts from everyone says that your sibling isn't special and that it is ALL about you!
Ha, wrap up that great book as the extra gift!
post #30 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by Megan73 View Post
It's rude to ask for gifts. Period.
Exactly.
post #31 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by gbailey View Post
The oldest is three. She got a wonderful and well thought of birthday gift from us last month so I won't get her anything from the dollar store. My cousin is well meaning but I don't think she realizes gifts aren't the cure all for the rivalry issue.
And even IF it were the cure, asking someone ELSE to provide it is what's not understandable to me.
post #32 of 77
Yeah, not appropriate! This reminds of a story about a family friend in a similar situation - oldest dd didn't adjust well with arrival of younger ds, and on the baby's first birthday, they apparently sang "Happy birthday to dd's little brother, happy birthday to you!" instead of singing happy birthday with the little boy's name. Nice, huh?
post #33 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post
Odd. Newsflash to the parents: life isn't always fair, and when you have more than one child there willl be many issues such as jealousy and sibling rivalry. It's impossible to make everyone happy all the time, and you will be doing your children a disservice to attempt to cater to their every need. At a birthday party, the norm is that the birthday child receives gifts. Thus is life.

No, but really, I do understand when parents or even grandparents give something special to the sibling who feels left out when a new baby is born, or a first birthday party of said baby. But to request that all guests bring something for the older sibling is tacky and unnecessary.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Starflower View Post
No. That seems ridiculous and like it will set up a lot of unrealistic expectations.
post #34 of 77
It's inappropriate to ask for the gift. It also won't help the older sibling at all. My family did the gift for sibling on birthdays ect. and it just made the fighting between my and my brother worse. We we raised to expect getting something any time the other did. Other than when DD2 was born and we bought DD1 2 toys we never allow gifts for on on the other's b-day.
post #35 of 77
It's wrong and ridiculous. But maybe you can get the older sib a dollar-store puzzle and be done with it.
post #36 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post
I think the mom is making it worse. The older sibling needs to learn that it isn't all about her. Having a "poor baby" attitude about a child who isn't a baby isn't helpful to them at all.

I really like the book Siblings without Rivarly. If it were me, I'd give the mom a copy (you might read it first if you haven't).
THERE you go! That'd make the perfect gift for the older sibling!

Tjej
post #37 of 77
That's a new one.

I'm familiar with "condolance prize" sorts of gifts, something small for a sibling feeling left out. But seriously, if the parents have for whatever reason a child who is jealous of their sibling's birthday and can't wait for their own, then it's the parents responsibility to use their very own dollars if they want to allow that to continue.
post #38 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
No, I haven't. I don't think I'd do it. I've seen parents, and even grandparents, give an older sibling a little something at a baby's party, and I can get that. Expecting the guests to bring something for the sibling just seems weird. And, just off the cuff...it sounds counterproductive. I really don't think it's going to help the older dd adjust if she's being given the notion that the baby can't have her own "special day", yk?

It makes sense for parents and grandparents (assuming the youngest also gets something on the older kid's b-day), but not for anyone else.

I do think it's nice that my parents always got a gift for the older kids when they went to a baby shower. But that's less about jealousy and more about "hey, we remember that YOU are getting a new family member too."
post #39 of 77
it's wrong for her to expect a gift for either of her daughters.
post #40 of 77
Quote:
It was her birthday last month and I got her a gift already. Is this something you've been asked to do before
Did they ask to bring the baby a gift on the older dd's birthday??? From what you said I doubt it.

i would not bring the older kid a gift. It's rude to ask such a thing.
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