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Have you been asked to bring a gift for the birthday child's sibling? - Page 3

post #41 of 77
It sounds like they are trying to prevent a "scene" at the party by older dd. I don't think it's very polite at all to ask for this--it sounds sort of desperate to me. If I were in the parents shoes, this would be the time I would pull out something special that might occupy the older child during the party time-something from the parents. Three year olds can't really be expected to "get over it" on their own, and parties w/gifts have been known to make the most balanced three year old act poorly. I get that the parents might be trying to head this off, but their methods are going to seriously backfire.
post #42 of 77
I think I'd give the parents a gift instead- the book "Siblings without Rivalry"
post #43 of 77
Nope, never dealt with that one! However I did have a friend come to DD's party with a gift for her son (and nothing for my DD) so he wouldn't be jealous. I'm still dumbfounded by that one.
post #44 of 77
How absolutely RUDE.
post #45 of 77
mt children get bent out of shape still at their siblings birthday. There are always tears because she got blah blah blah and I don't. And they are 13, 10, and 7. :

BUt never in a million years would I ask anyone to bring anything for anybody to a party I was hosting. not for the birthday child and certainly not for a sibling.

However, I think instead of gifts for the kids (lets face it the baby probably doesn't need anything....) you should get the parents the "Siblings Without Rivelry" (whoever brought that up...BRILLIANT!! ). They sound like they could use some help.
post #46 of 77
No I haven't and I agree in that I think it's weird to say the least. The older sibling as had a year now to get used to the baby/younger sibling. I can maybe understand bringing a little something for the older sibling when the baby is born, but not when baby is turning one or any other age. What a crummy precedent to set for the older sibling.
post #47 of 77
If they decorate, I've got a great gift for the older kid "Hi kiddo, this is for you" and hand over a balloon snagged from the wall. :
post #48 of 77
My kids have a joint birthday party as their actual birthdays are so close (plus they like to share the party). I was shocked by how many of the party guest brought gifts for both kids. I expected my son's friends to bring him a gift, my daughters to bring her a gift and the friends who knew both to either give a joint gift or one to each. I was very surprised at the number of gifts both kids got due to so many guest bringing gifts for both kids.

So I would find it very bizarre to have guests bring gifts for a sibling who wasn't even celebrating their birthday.

I'd also consider it rude to ask guests to bring any type of gift and to ask them for two is even ruder.
post #49 of 77
I would NOT take an extra present. To expect presents at all is extremely rude.
post #50 of 77
I wouldn't bring an extra present. That is SO rude. I can't imagine.

I have two kids with a large age gap, so I get the "jealous of the attention the baby gets" thing, but telling people to get the older kid a gift on the baby's birthday is not a solution. Even if it weren't ridiculously rude it wouldn't be a solution. The older one has to get used to having another person in the house who has birthdays and gets special things just like the older one does. I didn't get my older dd a present on the younger one's first birthday, although she did enjoy helping her open her presents, and despite being 8, had a lot of fun playing with them.
post #51 of 77
I have never heard of this, and find it very rude.
post #52 of 77
That's nuts. I would bring a gift for the birthday girl and not even mention the older DD unless it was brought up. And then I'd have to bite my tongue not to tell her how tacky, rude, and ridiculous her request was.
post #53 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by AllyRae View Post
Wow, that is kind of bizarre. I get that the child has some sibling rivalry. Most older siblings do. But I would never expect anyone to get a gift for my older kids just because the baby was turning 1. In fact, I have spent the entire week leading up to a baby's birthday explaining to the older sibling(s), that it's the baby's special day and the baby will get gifts just like the sibling does on her birthday.
That's what I do too. I let DD know what to expect and she does fine. It has in the past taken a little bit of working through her jealousy, but that's why we talk about it ahead of time. She is always extremely excited for her brother to have a birthday because she knows how cool the day can be. DD is a "Fancy Nancy" so she gets very into making the cake, decorating it, picking out candles, wrapping presents, singing, and everything birthday related.

I did let DD have the big sister job of helping her brother open his presents when he is done after the first 2. But now that he is older he totally gets the concept of presents and is more than likely going to help her open hers too.
post #54 of 77
WOW! UGH. *IF* we did a big party and invited family and all that, I would not expect ONE gift for the child who's b-day it is! The whole point is to enjoy the family and yes, appreciate any gifts that they happen to bring.

In my house, I would probably spend the time before the party when we're prepping talking about how we did X for her birthday and now we are going to do X for the baby's day. (i.e. "Remember your strawberry birthday cake? Tomorrow is baby's birthday and she is going to have XYZ cake." "remember when we did Y at your party? Remember when you got ABC XYZ presents? Today is baby's day to get some presents.)

She needs to be reminded she had her special day! And if anyone DOES HAPPEN TO bring her a small gift, she needs to be taught to express appreciation for it and to enjoy it.

What kind of example is it going to set when the kid finds out mom asks everyone to bring stuff for both at every party? The kid will eventually find out most B-day parties don't work this way for other people...
post #55 of 77
I knew a mom like this.

She had two girls about 18 months apart, and every time she bought ANYTHING for one girl, she'd buy an exact replica for the other. They were in a playgroup with us and we did a little Xmas gift exchange, and she had to ask and write down where the two gifts for her girls came from so she could buy the same one for the other. I had drawn one of their names, and I remember being embarrassed because it had come from somewhere like the Grocery Outlet or the thrift store, and she was insistent I tell her where I got it.

The other thing she did was talk constantly about how much they hated each other and how much they fought. And she always said this right in front of them. Talk about setting up a negative dynamic!
post #56 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by gbailey View Post
I think I'm less bothered by the request because I won't get the older child a gift but more bothered that she's not dealing with the issues the oldest child is having with having another sibling. It's been a year and it's not getting better. I feel for her oldest daughter and for my cousin and her DP too.
You know, it might take awhile for the older sibling to adjust. So what? Getting gifts on the baby's birthday doesn't help that process. I think this request is outrageous. I wouldn't do it.
post #57 of 77
Quote:
Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post
I've often given an older sibling a small, very inexpensive gift when I visit after a new baby has been added to a family. Something like a colouring book and crayons, or bubble mix and a wand, or sidewalk chalk. Just to recognize them and help them celebrate their changed status in the family as the "big brother" or "big sister".
I always do this, too. I'm never asked to do it. It just seems "right" and the gift for the older sibling is always a small, inexpensive thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Megan73 View Post
It's rude to ask for gifts. Period.
absolutely!

Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post

It makes sense for parents and grandparents (assuming the youngest also gets something on the older kid's b-day), but not for anyone else.

I do think it's nice that my parents always got a gift for the older kids when they went to a baby shower. But that's less about jealousy and more about "hey, we remember that YOU are getting a new family member too."
I agree.
post #58 of 77
I agree with the person who said that asking for gifts is rude period, even for the birthday person. And really, its making the jealousy situation worse, because the older child can't always expect to be in the spotlight when others are, life doesn't work like that. I think a better idea would be to let the older child help "host" the party, what an important older sibling job that would be! Do you feel comfortable enough with this person to tell them how you feel about the request?
post #59 of 77
I knew a mom like this, who hinted that I buy gifts for all her kids for one birthday party, because she always buys for other kids' siblings when going to birthday parties. Well, it's easy to say when she has three and I have an only child (I only had ds then).
post #60 of 77
I've never been asked to do so, and I'd be shocked if I were. Having said that, I have brought a small gift when a new sibling arrives for the older sibling (assuming it is a relatively young child).
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