Probably going to be here soon.

[skybluepink02]

I'm just sad. DH and I have been having lots of talks lately and we're slowly coming to the realization that this is not working. It's so hard. I cry everytime I think about it.

It would be easier if we were fighting, but we're not. We're just apart, emotionally, physically... We're trying therapy, but he doesn't think it will work. I'm hoping against hope that it will.

He's an incredible dad, and so worried about the idea of not seeing the kids everyday. I think, honestly, that's why our marriage is still here.

Mostly, though, I want advice. I'm a stay at home mom. I've been trying to 9 months to find a job with no luck. What do I do if I can't find a job? Government assistance? I can always go live with my parents (not a favorite idea). We're living in his (now deceased) grandmother's house rent free until it sells, which considering it's not even on the market yet and they don't want to give it away, gives us a year or more, I would imagine. He's said I can live here and he'll get an apartment, but I'm not sure what I'll do once it sells.

I'm just lost. I never thought I'd have to worry about this.

[secondimpression]

BIG s from a mama from your DDC! I left my XH when DS was 4 months old. I can't comment on your exact situation because XH was abusive (no two stories here are the same). I can say that if you do decide to leave, the hardest part will be taking that initial leap. But it's okay if you do, you WILL land on your feet.

I know a divorced twin mama, she managed to SAH through the entire divorce and now owns the family home and runs her own daycare. Her kids were only 1 when the split happened, so it CAN be done!

I suggest changing your outlook on public assistance. It's perfectly okay to need it; that's what it's there for! Daycare for 2 kids under age 2 can easily eat up an entire paycheck, staying at home is a legitimate option.

Hopefully your DH can change his outlook on therapy, it sounds to me like you two are just under too much stress from trying to do everything and your relationship is what's suffering. s Sorry I don't have anything better to offer, hang in there!

[neveryoumindthere]

Have you checked out marriagebuilders.com? It sounds like there is hope for you to stay together and make it work AND be happy.

Dh and I were back and forth for a long time, but we have been working on fulfilling each others' needs in a way the other person wants and it's working, slowly over time we've built up love for each other.. I was in the same place.. at times I'd wished he *was* abusive so that my decision would be easier..how messed up is that?

If he's "one of the good ones" I'd fight for it. You, he and your dc deserve it!

s

[Theia]

Could you gently suggest to him that if he has a negative outlook on marriage counseling that it is hampering it's potential effectiveness? Is there something about the particular counselor he doesn't like? I agree if you have a healthy relationship with a good man, don't give up easily. But if you do that and for whatever reason it still isn't working, then there is nothing wrong with calling it quits. Best wishes to you however this turns out.